Three Vital Musical Questions

Can you name the Answers to these Crucial Questions?

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What does one do if an illegal sexual magnate is found to have placed himself in the residence of an infant (usually under one year of age)?
What does one do if an animal of a porcine persuasion attempts to attack or otherwise assault one's self?
What does one do if a person of non-Caucasian descent develops a mental state and opinion of life not generally considered favourable by the societal mainstream?

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