19 Kevin Quotes That’ll Make You Hungry

Kevin Quotes

Honestly, a list like this finds purpose mostly in that one scene with all the chili. There’s just… A lot of mixed feelings and pity that goes with it. While Kevin Malone might not be the origins of the Kevin meme, he definitely ended up in a pretty similar position by the end of The Office. Anyway, here are some great Kevin quotes that we under-cooked. They’ll get to know each other in the pot.

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19 Kevin Quotes That’ll Make You Hungry

1. “I think we should let the criminal use the card for a little longer.”

If you’re impersonating someone else while speaking to their bank, doesn’t that also make you a criminal? Identity theft is not a joke.

2. “Yeah, I wrote it on my hand, but then I washed it.”

Well… You should always be washing your hands. Especially nowadays. Anyway we might need to transfer your call.

3. “I have very little patience for stupidity.”

Okay, buddy. We’ll take note of that. 

4. “Angela’s cats are so cute, you just wanna eat ‘em. But you can’t eat cats…”

You know, Kevin might actually be kind of onto something here.

5. “She goes to another school.”

This stops being as effective when you’re no longer in school. Actually, it stops being effective at all. And that’s assuming it’s ever effective.

6. “The trick is to under-cook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot.”

He’s serious about this stuff. Up the night before crushing garlic, dicing whole tomatoes… It’s probably the thing he does best. Such an unfortunate end…

7. “I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket… In a blanket.”

You know, it’s important to set goals for yourself. 

8. “I got six numbers! One more would have been a complete telephone number!”

We ran the numbers. We can confirm that is how telephone numbers work. 

9. “Someone has it.”

Don’t assume a medical condition isn’t real just because Dwight says so.

10. “I bet he’ll try to beat you up.”

Sometimes Kevin activates his tactical mind.

11. “If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it.”

He’s an accountant… Right?

12. “As God is my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed.”

13. “Hey guys, come on. Don’t fight over me.”

Technically they were fighting over cookies and money, but we’ll let Kevin have his moment.

14. “Oh yeah, it’s bad. It’s real bad. It’s like eating a hot circle of garbage.”

Honestly, working at a place like Dunder Mifflin would probably feel that way.

15. “This thing will shred anything!

If anyone asks, you got your salad from Staples.

16. “Why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick?”

Because lot word meet word count.

17. “Good. I watched TV for 14 hours.”

Rookie numbers, Kev.

18. “The people here are amazing debaters. I guess you could say they’re… Master-debaters.”

19. “This is a new food for me, how else am I supposed to eat it?”

He tried his broccoli so he can be done now, right? At least get the man some cheese whiz.

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