24 Most Disillusioned Jim Halpert Quotes

(Last Updated On: April 6, 2020)

Jim Halpert Quotes

If you’ve seen The Office, you probably related to (and liked) Jim a lot–or you thought he was a jerk who spent over $10,000 annoying his coworker. Either way, Jim was always set up to be the “every-man” of the cast. Though hopefully not everyone shares his early-season hairstyle. If you’ve seen the show, you know what we’re talking about. But hair choices aside, here are some of the most disillusioned Jim Halpert quotes from The Office.

24 Most Disillusioned Jim Halpert Quotes

1. “Actually I am in an office relationship. It’s special… She’s nice, she’s shy. She’s actually here if you wanna meet her.”

Side note: do not bring a blow up doll to your place of work.

2. “Now exactly how much pot did you smoke?”

“How the turn… Tables.”

3. “Because Christmas is the time… To tell people how you feel.”

Yeah it would take some more Christmas-ing and some amount of relationships for Jim to get around to doing that. 

4. “I ate a tuna sandwich on my first day, so then Andy started calling me ‘Big Tuna.’ I don’t think any of them know my real name.”

That’s why we wear name tags here. 

5. “Got it a week after we started dating.”

We don’t care if it’s a sitcom and we all know how it ends. It’s definitely weird. Almost like you’re putting the cart not exactly before the horse, but really close. Almost directly next to it.

6. “I am Bill Buttlicker.”

His family built this country. He’s probably going to keep some stupid salseman on the line forever until his boss makes a million dollar sale.

7. “Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.”

Identity theft is not a joke. Millions suffer every year.

8. “Really? Hats off to you for not seeing race.”

We promise identity theft is not a joke. 

9. “From time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future.”

It’s like The Matrix except the simulation is just your fax machine and Morpheus is just your old coworker from a different state.

10. “Okay, well you’re the one who lost the desk.”

Well if you lose something just try retracing your steps. We’re slowly figuring out that most of Jim’s good quotes are him messing with Dwight. Take that for what you will.

11. “I had to put more and more nickels in his handset, so he would get used to the weight. Then one day… I took ‘em all out.”

We don’t think we’d get used to the rattling noise a bunch of nickels in our phone would make.

12. “This is the smallest amount of power I’ve ever seen go to someone’s head.”

Really small amounts of power go to everyone’s head. It’s kind of a thing. Anyone else worked retail with a terrible manager?

13. “My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real.”

We quoted Dwight a lot here.

14. “So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.”

Effort is really hard to put forth sometimes. Most of the time. Especially on Mondays. And weekdays. And mornings. And also weekends.

15. “Right now this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.”

At least the paper market was on the downhill trend at the start of the show’s running. So… 

16. “So this is my life. Until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.”

Do young adult books still sell well?

17. “Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn’t seem to realize that it wasn’t his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won’t notice?

Imagine hating your job so much you could drink orange juice and think it was coffee.

18. “He…is a crime-fighting beaver.”

Might be a more effective police force.

19. “I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.”

We miss Dwight too. 

20. “When I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or…and frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.”

Okay but what about scratch and sniff paper that smells like muffins?

21. “Oh! No, it’s not. They call it Quad-desk.”

We need more desks. Never enough desks, and never enough monitors.

22. “I gotta tell you, this baby is amazing. She gets me out of everything, and I… and I love her. I also love her very much.”

If you’re going to have a kid, might as well get some utility out of it.

23. “I mean I’ve always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work, halfheartedly.”

As long as it pays the bills?

24. “Everything I have I owe to this job. This stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.”

Was this Jim talking about Dunder Mifflin, or John Krasinski talking about taking the role of Jim? 

Did you like these Jim Halpert quotes? Test yourself on some Jim pranks here.

And click here to find more posts about The Office on the Sporcle Blog.

About the Author:

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Kyler is a content writer at Sporcle living in Seattle, and is currently studying at the University of Washington School of Law. He's been writing for Sporcle since 2019; sometimes the blog is an excellent platform to answer random personal questions he has about the world. Most of his free time is spent drinking black coffee like water.