The 23 Least Productive Michael Scott Quotes

(Last Updated On: February 26, 2020)

Michael Scott Quotes

The Office might be leaving Netflix in 2020, but that doesn’t mean you have to abandon your memories of the show. Let’s catalogue some of the good times we had with the employees of Dunder Mifflin with a few of our favorite quotes. And who better to start our adventure off with than our favorite eccentric boss. Here are a few Michael Scott quotes that will kill the productivity of any office.

The 23 Least Productive Michael Scott Quotes

1. “This… Is my kingdom. Far as the eye can see.”

It is one of the first lines of the show, after all. Plus, it really sets the tone for Michael’s point of view–despite how often his actual authority is undermined.

2. “Parkour!”

“Parkour is creatively getting from point A to point B. So I guess what they’re doing is parkour. As long as point A is delusion, and point B is the hospital.” 

3. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

Not quite a Machiavellian attitude. Michaelvellian perhaps?

4. “Why are you the way that you are?”

Image result for “Why are you the way that you are?”

Every time we try to do something fun, you make it not that way. We hate… So much. About the things you choose to be.

5. “Sometimes I’ll just start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

That’s how we start most posts on this Blog.

6. “Most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon on my George Foreman grill…”

There’s a lot to be said about unattended heating appliances. Not like Michael was ever the sharpest tool in the shed. 

7. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”

Is that not how we all walk through life?

8. “I declare… Bankruptcy!

He didn’t say it. He declared it.

9. “Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice? Strike three.”

Here’s some George W. Bush quotes for context.

10. “Well, well, well… How the turntables.”

We use this in regular conversation.

11. “Get out of my offive.”

Alright, is this a Harvey quote or a Michale quote? Discuss. Outside of the offive. 

12. “You cannot learn from books.”

Just remember, there are four kinds of business: “Tourism. Food service. Railroads, and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel.”

13. “It’s not even a pyramid scheme. It’s not even a scheme, per say–”

Send this clip to all those people in that one Facebook group. You know the one.

14. “The stress of my modern office life has brought me into a deep depression.”

We relate. Rise and grind, buddy.

15. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”

Your elementary and high school teachers would definitely beg to differ.

16. “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all, and it’s terrible.”

But no hate. It’s a strong word.

17. “I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go.”

Don’t tell our friends. Or improv teachers.

18. “I think you’re great. You’re my best friend.”

You did ask for us to tell you a lie. 

19. “Is there something besides ‘Mexican’ you prefer to be called? Something less offensive?”

Michael always tried to stay woke.

20. “Abraham Lincoln once said that ‘if you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’”

He probably meant the North Pole. It’s Michael. 

21. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.”

Is Creed also his worm guy?

22. “It’s like all my kids grew up and married each other.”

Try again. 

23. “That’s what she said.”

Actually these are all what he said. 

Did you like these Michael Scott quotes? See if you can get into the head of Michael and his roasts here.

About the Author:

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Kyler is a content writer at Sporcle living in Seattle, and is currently studying at the University of Washington School of Law. He's been writing for Sporcle since 2019; sometimes the blog is an excellent platform to answer random personal questions he has about the world. Most of his free time is spent drinking black coffee like water.