Sporcle ‘Bad Jokes of the 7 Seas’ Contest

This contest is now closed. Thanks for all the great entries!

You might have noticed on our Facebook page that Sporcle loves to tell a bad joke or two. We don’t know what it is about the dark art of puns that fascinates us so, but it’s a stock we trade in heavily, and we will not be undersold.

In the tradition of the best puns, we are introducing the Sporcle Bad Jokes of the 7 Seas contest. We want all your worst ocean related jokes and puns! We’ll put the best on the blog and they may be part of mysterious future Sporcle pundeavor.

Here’s how to enter: Write your  joke in the comments section of this post by August 10th, and 5 lucky winners will receive a Sporcle t-shirt. (See contest rules for eligibility)

Here’s a few to get you started:

  • What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the ocean? Bob!
  • What do you call a fish with no eye? FSH!
  • Why did the whale cross the road To get to the other tide!




  1. What’s Brown and Sticky?
    -A stick.

    A pirate walks into a bar with a big wooden ship’s wheel coming out of his pants. The bartender goes “did you know you have a big wheel coming out of your pants?” The pirate replies “ARRRR! And it’s driving me nuts!”

  2. What’s the difference between a blind man and a sailor in jail?

    One can’t see to go, the other can’t go to sea [da dum chhh].

  3. There once was a giant sea monster who died from laughing too hard…

    I guess you could say he was KRAKEN up!

  4. So a magician works on a cruise ship as the an entertainer and is accompanied by his pet parrot. He always tries to surprise the passengers, but the parrot always gives away his tricks (*squawk* It’s behind his back! *squawk* In his sleeve, in his sleeve! Etc.) One day the magician gets tired of the parrot and during his act pulls out a pistol and tries to shoot the parrot, but misses and hits a tank full of explosive fuel. The entire ship explodes, leaving no survivors except for the magician and his parrot. They silently float around at sea for hours until the parrot says “Alright, I give up. Where’s the ship?”

  5. Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “How do you drive this thing!?”

  6. A guy walks into a bar and says “I’ll have an Osama Bin Laden”. The bartender says “What’s an Osama Bin Laden?” The guy says “2 shots and splash of water”

  7. What is a fish’s favourite show tune?

    It’s a toss-up between “Somewhere over the Rainbow Trout” and “Piranha Happy Face”

  8. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A fish!

    Don’t like it? I guess surrealism isn’t your cup of fur.

  9. Two truckers were surprised one night when they saw that a new seafood place had been built at one of their usual truck stops. Feeling adventurous, they decided to give it a try. When they walked in, they noticed this wasn’t the classiest of institutions, not by a long shot What else would you expect from a seafood joint at a truck stop? The restaurant, however, did have a live tank labeled “lobsters” in the lobby. Within the tank was a single creature. Suspicious, the two truckers, who were oddly knowledgeable in sea-life dichotomy, examined the specimen in the tank. “That’s one weird looking lobster,” said the first trucker. The second trucker, having seen through the restaurant’s scam, simply turned to his comrade and said, “No, that fish cray.”

  10. What did the fish say when his friend got caught on the fisherman’s hook?

    Holy mackerel!

  11. What happened to the man who daydreamed while working at the juice factory?
    He was canned because he couldn’t concentrate.

  12. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

    -Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

  13. Why was the double amputee shunned for his milk allergy?

    He lacked toes and tolerance.


    What do you call a Conservative jockey?

    Frankie Dettori


    What is the favourite cheese of a torturer who rents out his devices?


  14. A whale walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll you have?” and the whale says:


  15. A guy is at the doctor’s office when the doctor walks in and says, “Mr. Johnson, I’m afraid I have some bad news, you have cancer and alzheimer’s.”

    And the guy says, “Well at least I don’t have cancer!”

  16. I don’t really buy into the whole buoyancy theory, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

  17. Why did the sailor get frustrated when he couldn’t moor his boat?
    He had anchor issues.

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