I'll have what she's having.

This isn’t what happened last week. Have you all got amnesia? They just cheated us. This isn’t fair! HE DIDN’T GET OUT OF THE COCK-A-DOODY CAR!

Well I got her number. How do you like them apples?

No one ever takes a photograph of something they want to forget.

But I know something about you. You went to Cranbrook. That's a private school. What's the matter, dawg? You're embarrassed? This guy's a gangster? His real name is Clarence.

I hope you have hobo stab insurance.

Can I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo.

Lik-, like it? I want you to know, my dear, that even though we are sitting down we're giving you a standing ovation.

Loser?! Yeah. (Thud) Oh sir, I saw it. Some angry member of the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them? Oh, the terrorists they ran that way. It was a run by fruiting.

Oh sir, the Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay. And in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big 'H'.

Well you…you, you must be very proud, Mary.

I like them French fried potaters.

He, uh, behind his cage crazy, crazy. Everybody laugh. She go, 'You never get this.' Uh, but a one time he break a cage and he get this! And then we all laugh. High five!

Well, we're safe for now. Thank goodness we're in a bowling alley.

I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad.

Happy premise #3: Even though I feel like I might ignite, I probably won't.

Was that seat hot or what? I feel like a big Whopper. Turn me over I'm done on this side.

You know, I've always wanted a pad with a giant Lou Ferrigno statue so I think I...I think I found it.

Um...Oh yeah, she's got her head in the guy's lap alright. Yahoo.

He did, huh? Well, tell Buddy if I see Glenn wearing his sunglasses I'll step on 'em. I might not even take 'em off first.

One good thing about Zombieland is no more Facebook status updates. 'Robert is gearing up for the weekend.' I mean who cares?

Well he doesn't eat much, but he's a regular jackass. And hee-aw, hee-aw, he always likes to be called Arthur.

You see, guys spend half their lives trying to...invent something like that. You walk into a poolroom with that 'go, go, go' and guys will be killing each other to get to you.

NO...WIRE...HANGERS!