The Thick of it Series 1 quotes

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Can you name the characters that said these quotes?

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• Responding to knock at his door: 'Come the f*ck in or f*ck the f*ck off.'
• Tucker's Law: 'If some c*nt can f*ck something up, that c*nt will pick the worst possible time to f*cking f*ck it up cause that c*nt's a c*nt.'
• Moaning about minister on the phone: 'He's about as much use as a marzipan dildo.'
• To a pair of rival advisors: 'Laurel and f*cking Hardy! Glad you could join us. Did you manage to get that piano up the stairs OK?'
• Dressing down MP, Geoff Holhurst: 'You're so back-bench, you've actually f*cking fallen off. You're out by the f*cking bins where I put you.'
• Commenting on Ben Swain's disastrous Newsnight appearance: 'All these hands all over the place! You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra.'
• Bollocking a communications department employee: 'How much f*cking sh*t is there on the menu and what f*cking flavour is it?'
• Advising minister Hugh Abbot to keep up with the zeitgeist: 'You've got 24 hours to sort out your policy on EastEnders, right? Or you're for the halal butchers.'
• Note passed to Jamie during meeting with blue-sky thinker Julius Nicholson: 'Please could you take this note, ram it up his hairy inbox and pin it to his f*cking prostate.'
• Admonishing junior adviser Ollie Reeder to respect government property: 'Feet off the furniture you Oxbridge twat, you're not on a punt now.'

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