The right of any senior member of the clergy to strenuously deny the patently obvious.
A small porcelain dish for holding jewellery, or possibly chutney, dating from the 1740s, or possibly 1986.
An elderly German couple just commencing their fifteenth straight week on a Lanzarote nudist beach.
The dealer whose 'antiques' originated in Taiwan c.2008, yet who still makes twice as much money as you do.
A cuddly toy hideously disfigured by the incessant sexual attentions of the dog.
Who you pray to when you lose your mobile and it's on silent.
[Of a late middle-aged woman] Totally exhausted from the effort of working out how to switch on a new laptop.
Expressing one's mirth in the style of a woman with a double-barreled surname and too many horses.
Making a big song and dance of being on a diet and then just having one more chocolate eclair.
[Of a toddler] Carefully pondering which of a selection of antiques to pick up and hurl to the shop floor.
The microscopic residue that clings to your tights after your husband accidentally washes and tumble dries them with an old tissue.
The stalactites of plastic that hang from the wire shelf after you've put a microwave meal in the oven at gas mark 9.
A place that looked much nicer in the brochure.
A failed England rugby player who has been employed by a Hampstead divorcee as a live-in 'masseur'.
The noise made by a bed spring giving way in the middle of the night.
Useful, multi-purpose term of endearment, e.g. 'Please stop doing that, chickney, there's a good girl.'
Any piece of fruit which has been certified to be in accordance with EU size and shape guidelines.
Pilates class run by a frustrated SAS soldier that you can never go back to due to a collapsed pelvic floor.
The oldest assistant in the shop, who has no qualms about offering you help in choosing which underwear to buy.
What you have to rinse out of the shower tray before you dare step into it.
The sticky food/mucus residue that clings, at approximately knee height, to the trousers of a toddler's father.
The elasticated pocket in your suitcase which manages to only partially contain a pressurised suntan lotion explosion.
To worry about your 7-year-old's secondary school options because she missed the silent 'p' off 'pterodactyl'.
The emotional state which elicits the use of the phrase: 'I'm not a pushy parent, but...'
Someone who thinks that the best shade of spray tan to go for is Tangerine Sunset.
The secret language spoken by couples only behind closed doors, which contains words like 'booboo' and 'wibiwobiwawa'.
In any given group of drunken men on a coach, the first one to expose his buttocks to fellow road users.
Swearing with such skilful verve that it manages to titillate, but not quite to offend, the guests at an Irish funeral.
An impossibly attractive man (à la George Clooney) who has been criminally wasted on a career in the Catholic church.
One of those aeroplane toilets that makes you visualise your waste being sucked out into the sky over Paris.
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Typing Challenge
Drawing a Blank
