| Quote | Comedian |
|---|
| 'People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.' | |
| 'Truthiness is tearing apart our country..' | |
| 'Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.' | |
| 'Two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, 'Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.' The other one says, 'Yeah, and in such small portions.' | |
| 'I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. | |
| 'Once or twice I've been described as a light comedian. I consider this the most accurate description of my abilities I've ever seen.' | |
| 'There's no drama like wrestling.' | |
| 'I owe it all to little chocolate donuts.' | |
| 'Carpe per diem - seize the check.' | |
| | Quote | Comedian |
|---|
| 'One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.' | |
| 'I don't care if people think I am an overactor, as long as they enjoy what I do. People who think that would call Van Gogh an overpainter.' | |
| 'Look at me when you lie. ' | |
| 'Waka, Waka.' | |
| 'Well, excuuuuuse me!' | |
| 'Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance.' | |
| 'A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.' | |
| 'Mein Führer! I can walk!' | |
|
Chat Acronyms (Common) 
Seven Dirty Words 
Corporate Logos
