Are you in my apartment?

Note to self:

I hope you have a plan to help us find this crashed plane.

I believe it's called a tweet.

Yes, but that's only because we are karma chameleons.

Oh. You don't call him Binky?

Somebody's been stealing our wood from sidewalks, buildings, fence posts.

You wouldn't understand; you've never killed a man.

Yeah, but you've never pretended to kill one.

Two times now.

Playing Injuns is offensive.

Well, those things don't work out here. We got no TVs, no radio, no refrigerators.

I'm just saying, technology is way overrated.

Kiss my sweet... love biscuits.

Do you think it could be PTSD?

I don't lose things.

That's the same thing as losing it.

All right, I'm sorry, no offense, but it's stupid that you people eat food this hot.

Gus, don't be Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Marzipan.

Oh, he is not even hearing this, much less feelin' it!

Have at it. Who knows, maybe you'll solve the great ice cream crime caper of the century?

But know this: one stupid move, and I've got more than enough plastic bags for your body parts.

You brought a date to the crime scene?

I have a secret girlfriend.

Do you understand about honor, Mr. Spencer?

I've seen it all.

Don't leave, Shawn. You will regret it.

Please don't say that to Gus. Now he'll just tell you that Michael Jackson isn't dead.

Which implies that Elvis is still alive.

Holy crap, are you checking your email?

Guster, you have to wake up to the real world: people have sex and kill each other.

Whoever said work was supposed to be fun?

Shawn, this is 2010.

I am not hitting on a girl!

Roy... May I call you Phil?

What are you guys, UFO chasers?

You're not afraid of competition, are you Shawn?

I'm not a palm reader, I'm a psychic.

Now, let us go forth and kick much ass.

He has a Masters in Psychology and Criminology from Harvard AND an MBA!

Wait a second, you're mad at me for not being mad?

Sir, if you don't calm down I will be forced to tase you in the face.

I apologize to cockroaches everywhere, especially Jiminy Cricket, although for the first time in thirty years, it occurs to me... he might be a cricket.

Shawn, just so you know, if you go to prison I will not wait for you!

Oh my gosh! You disgust me!

You're Coogan.

Why are you talking so fast?

No, we're going to a closing of an old cupcake store.

Shawn Spencer. That is my partner Sh'Dynasty.

How many 'get out of jail free' cards does a guy get?

I said you were prophetic.

Wait. Already? How sure are you?