I'm Telling Secrets to the one guy you don't tell secrets to.

Do stop sniveling, anyone would think you were Italian

Love is the Saddest Thing, when it goes away*

You're probably just having a mid-life crisis. Did you buy a Porsche yet?

Sand is overrated, it's just tiny little rocks.

In L.A., Nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass.

Oh my god, I''m getting pulled over. Everyone, just... Pretend to be normal

You should have gone to China, 'cause I hear that they give away babies like free ipods.

A homosexual with power... That's scary.

There's enough bang in there to blow us all to Jesus. If I'm going to die, I want to die comfortable.

The Nation believes that when I speak, I speak for them. But I can't speak

You can fool me, but you cannot fool Ernest Hemingway!

If there is a war on drugs, then many of our family members are the enemy

Classes will dull your mind, destroy the potential for authentic creativity

Ah, more Jewish Police. You mean you want me to beat up Jews and catch the Gestapo spirit? I see.

The stars are veiled. Something stirs in the east. A sleepless malice. The eye of the enemy is moving.

Quaffable, but uh... Far from transcendent.

What you waitin' for cowboy? The matin' call?

I don't want to be a product of my environment, I want my environment to be a product of me.

Aw, hells bells. They even shot the dog!

The guide book was written by a bunch of lazy good-for-nothing Indian beggars!

I wish I had a light-skinned boyfriend with real nice hair. I wanna be on the cover of a magazine.

Did I adequately answer your condescending question?

Don't be fooled by appearances. In Hawaii, some of the most powerful people look like bums and stuntmen.