Letting my emotions out was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sure, I'm not funny anymore. There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.

You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.

I'm not a lesbian. I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian.

I'm at the corner of 1st and 1st... How can the same street intersect with itself? It must be at the nexus of the universe.

Just remember, when you control the mail, you control...information.

Feels like an Arby's night.

...I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

I go out for a quart of milk. I come home, and find my son treating his body like an amusement park.

I sure did. Raincoats were my business. The Executive was a classic. These haven't been made in twenty years.

How could anyone not like him?

Jerry. Hello.

I used to be like you-threatening to move the team to New Jersey just to upset people.

No. Out of the question. I don't want any women ushers at my wedding and while we're on the subject, Kramer is not an usher either.

You most likely know it as Myanmar, but it will always be Burma to me.

I want a decent sock that's comfortable, that will stay on my foot!!

Bacterial Meningitis. Jackpot!

Why do they call it Ovaltine? The jar is round. The glass is round. They should call it Roundtine. That's gold, Jerry, gold.

All right, it is cavity time. Ah, here we go. Which reminds me, did you hear the one about the rabbi and the farmer's daughter? Huh?

This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.

It's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?

No, no. No, no, sir. I ordered George to drive around insulting people today. Because I'm tired of all your macho head games.

They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.

Well, they're filthy. It's just a matter of common courtesy...When you come in the house you wipe your wheels.

I'm surprised to see you here. Come to catch a glimpse of high society?

Your car is on fire.