Name The Comedian

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Can you name the name the comedian from the quote provided?

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QuoteComedian
“Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”
“I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.”
“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.”
“I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.”
“Who got the part? Chris Tucker? Sh*t! Who got the other part? Tell me man. Jackie Chan? That mother f**ker can't even speak English!”
“I mean, they don't grade fathers. But if your daughter's a stripper, you f***ed up.”
“The big yellow one is the sun!”
“Jesus Christ, Timmy! ... Do not float above me when I am dying in the abyss!”
QuoteComedian
'This summer Arnold Schwarzenegger is...Little Tortilla Boy.'
“There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.”
'Hate your job? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody and they meet at a bar.”
“My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.”
“I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive.”
“Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.”
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
“A word to the wise ain’t necessary. It’s the stupid ones who need the advice.”

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