| Quote | Comedian |
|---|
| “There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.” | |
| “Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.” | |
| “My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.” | |
| “Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.” | |
| “The big yellow one is the sun!” | |
| “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” | |
| “I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.” | |
| “Jesus Christ, Timmy! ... Do not float above me when I am dying in the abyss!” | |
| | Quote | Comedian |
|---|
| “I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.” | |
| “Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.” | |
| “A word to the wise ain’t necessary. It’s the stupid ones who need the advice.” | |
| “Who got the part? Chris Tucker? Sh*t! Who got the other part? Tell me man. Jackie Chan? That mother f**ker can't even speak English!” | |
| “I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive.” | |
| “I mean, they don't grade fathers. But if your daughter's a stripper, you f***ed up.” | |
| 'This summer Arnold Schwarzenegger is...Little Tortilla Boy.' | |
| 'Hate your job? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody and they meet at a bar.” | |
|
Chat Acronyms (Common)
Seven Dirty Words
3 Letter Body Parts
