| Quote | Actor/Character |
| 'Her name is Sockee, okay?' | |
| 'People disappear in the Finger Lakes' | |
| 'These are the nicest people I've ever met' | |
| 'There is only sex. Everything is sex.' | |
| 'When I make long distance calls, will they be monitored or is it on the honors system?' | |
| 'I'll give you part three of part two.' | |
| 'I'm a terrible actor' | |
| 'If you're not going to interview me, then I'll do it.' | |
| 'What other mammal, besides humans, drinks the milk of another mammal?' | |
| 'Sometimes you hear people talking about failing upwards | |
| 'I'm not easy to manage.' | |
| 'I do characters as well. I've got one, a Chinese bloke...' | |