| Delusion | Person |
| My neighbor's dog was possessed by a demon who commands me to kill people. | |
| My name is George. I once got a bunch of my friends set on fire. Also, holy crap, I’m made of glass, somebody do something! | |
| No one must eat fish, beans, or meat, the soul of my dead friend lives in a dog, and irrational numbers, such as the square root of 2, are unspeakably evil. | |
| Germs are so everpresent and dangerous I have to surround myself with kleenex boxes and watch movies alone and naked for months on end. | |
| I'm going to be a world-famous ballet dancer, painter, and much more famous author than my husband ever was. | |
| Shooting the president is the way to make Jodie Foster like me. | |
| A cabal of men wearing red ties are spying on me for an unknown government agency. | |
| I am a god, my sisters are my wives, and my horse is a senator. | |
| | Delusion | Person |
| Hair is filthy, women are terrifying, everything must be divisible by 27, and I totally once invented a death ray that can destroy the arctic. | |
| Depriving California's black men of beautiful white women will trigger a global race war, allowing me to rule the world. | |
| Instead of governing, I should bankrupt myself building opulent castles which I mostly only leave to go on naked midnight sleigh rides. | |
| The Catcher In the Rye contains a perfectly reasonable explanation for why someone would want to murder John Lennon. | |
| I think I might be pregnant with my first psychiatrist's baby. | |
| The world is dominated by lizard humanoids in very convincing person-suits. | |
| I am the Emperor of the United States! | |
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