| Quote | Name |
| Do you want to make appletinis and watch ‘Sex and the City’ at my place? | |
| I could menstruate I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I'd be more in tune to the moon and the tides | |
| When Pam gets Michael's new chair, I get Pam's old chair. Then I'll have two chairs. Only one to go. | |
| And don't ride them. A lot of people try to ride them | |
| The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is D.M.I. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, Morons, and Idiots because that's what you'd have to be to own it. | |
| You texted me. 911. Call me. All in caps. Do you know what 911 means? | |
| What are we talking? Skins? Acee Deucee? Bingo Bango Bongo? Sandies? Barkies? Wolf? What? | |
| You look like J-Lo. | |
| Your boyfriend is so weak he needs steroids just to watch baseball. | |
| | Quote | Name |
| I can't say whether Dunder Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but I can assure you that it is certainly not more flammable. | |
| When I was five, my mom told me that the fish went to the hospital, in the toilet, and it never came back. So we had a funeral for it. And I remember thinking, 'I'm a little too ol | |
| Quick announcement! New year, new candy! | |
| Are you swallowing them whole? You're eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue? | |
| We do safety training every year. Or after an accident. We've never made it a full year. | |
| It's like I used to tell my wife- I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong, and if you don't like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I'll say it | |
| Why is this so hard?... That's what she said. Oh my god, what am I saying? | |
| Did you know that gay used to mean 'happy?' When I was growing up, it meant 'lame.' And now, it means a man who makes love to other men. We're all homos. Homo sapiens. | |
| We had so many smores I finally had to say, 'no more smores! No more smores!' | |
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