| Lyrics | Person |
| I celebrated Stirling Bridge - another Scottish win, by decorating my sword with the English General's skin | |
| I had just ten years on the throne, do you remember that? No, all you remember is I was really fat | |
| Never had a limp, always walked my full height, never had a hunch and my arm was alright, never took the crown with illegal power, never killed my nephews - the princes in the towe | |
| The rocks they are my warriors, I then used to boast. And that little lie helped us win wars, but violence helped the most | |
| Spaniels I adored, named after me too - like me they were fun with a natty hairdo | |
| Fashion topped my list of vices, bathed in asses' milk and spices, then I dressed like goddess Isis - long black hair in ringlets nicest | |
| The notorious gang of Gregory liked my style and dedication, they signed me up and gave me a real robber's education | |
| Oh, I loved to sail the ocean, with my flag that inspired emotion. With its smiling pile of skull and bones, smashing hearts with a violent stabbing motion | |
| Chopped 'em and hacked, but what made their red blood curl: bad enough being beaten - but beaten by a girl? | |
| The love of a lifetime for me. She gave me a son, little Prince Ed. Then poor old Jane went and dropped dead. | |