| Dialogue | Character |
|---|
| All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider. (takes a glass from the fridge.) | |
| Taste it. | |
| (drinks from the glass and puts it back in the fridge) Yep, it's fat. I drank fat! | |
| Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago. | |
| (entering) Hey! | |
| Hey, mister tux! | |
| Why aren't you guys dressed? | |
| We have a half hour. | |
| No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight. | |
| Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed. | |
| Well, you know, I'd feel a whole lot better if you got dressed now. | |
| Okay. (they don't move) | |
| (entering from bathroom) Hey-hey! Oh, look at you, all sexy. | |
| Really. | |
| Ooooh! Wow!! Oh, hi. | |
| Hi | |
| How come you didn't come over earlier? | |
| 'Cause I'm a stupid, stupid man. | |
| Hey Ross, want some cider? | |
| No. (to Rachel) So, um, let's see you're pretty close, huh. Make-up's on, hair's done. | |
| Yeah, I just have to get dressed. | |
| Yay! And that takes what? Just six or seven minutes. | |
| Yeah! Once I figure out what I'm wearing. | |
| Glass of fat? (roll opening credits) | |
| What's a matter Ross? What you're nervous about your speech? | |
| No! Do you wanna hear it? | |
| Am I in it? | |
| Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey. | |
| (entering) Hello. | |
| Hey! | |
| Whoa! | |
| Wow, hello! You look great! | |
| Thank you! I know, though. | |
| You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star. | |
| Ohh, well, you're my lucky penny. | |
| (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up. | |
| What? | |
| You're in my seat. | |
| How is this your seat? | |
| 'Cause I was sitting there. | |
| But then you left. | |
| Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom, you knew I was coming back. | |
| What's the big deal, sit somewhere else. | |
| The big deal is I was sitting there last, so, that's my seat. | |
| Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the bathroom). Soo... | |
| You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So.. | |
| All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing, really quickly, it's not a big deal. (yells at Joey) GET UP!! | |
| (entering) Hi. | |
| Hey. | |
| Ooh, Phoebe, you look great! | |
| All right all ready. | |
| (to Ross) Ooh, are you gonna do magic? | |
| That's, that's funny. Change! | |
| Hang on a second I just got in. | |
| Look, I don't care it starts at eight, we can't be late. | |
| We could not, would not want to wait. | |
| Look, our table is down in front, okay, my boss is gonna be there, everyone will see if we arrive after it starts. | |
| Has somebody been drinking my fat? (Joey and Chandler look at each other) | |
| (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up an outfit) does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear? | |
| I don't know, you might be the first one. | |
| Rach, did you check the machine? | |
| Uh, no. Wait, you know what, this is the outfit that makes my calves look fat. Nevermind. | |
| Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called: Get Up. | |
| All right! You can have the chair. | |
| Really! | |
| Oh my, would you look at that! (holds up crossed fingers) | |
| (on machine) 'Hi, it's me, I'm coming over now. Hey, what if I'm already there when your playing this message?' (to the guys) Is that too spooky? | |
| (on machine) 'Hi Rach, are you there? It's me, pick up. Rachel. Rach! | |
| (entering from bathroom) What?! | |
| Nevermind. | |
| (on machine) Monica, it's (self). Call me.' | |
| Is-is-is that message old or new? (yelling) Old or new?! Old or new?! | |
| It's old, it's definitely old. Didn't you hear the, the double beep? | |
| What if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk again, unless we had something really important to say. Shouldn't I call him back? | |
| Honey, you did call him back. 'Cause, it's, it's really old. | |
| Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did? | |
| Huh? | |
| I.....got.....dressed. Really, really quickly. Okay, okay. (Rachel starts to follow Monica into her room, but Ross stops her and sends her back to her room.) There we go. | |
| You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you just sit right there. I just hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. (holds his hand a couple of inches in front of... | |
| ...Joey's face) Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! (Joey accidentally flings some dip onto Phoebe's dress) | |
| Ah! Oh my God! You r-r-rotten boys! | |
| Sorry Phoebe. | |
| I'm so sorry. | |
| What am I gonna do? | |
| No, no, don't, don't, rub it! Don't! (clapping) What gets out humus?! What gets out humus?! | |
| Monica, Monica, you know what gets out humus. | |
| If it is a new message, what is he calling to say? | |
| Okay, thanks. Yeah, I'll try that. | |
| Maybe he's calling to say you're obsessive and crazy. | |
| So, should I call him back? | |
| Noo! (Monica starts to go back into her room and stops) NO! | |
| All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable. | |
| Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable. | |
| All right! (jumps up) | |
| Okay, look, we have nineteen minutes. Okay, Chandler, I want you to go and change! Okay. And then, when you come back, Joey will go change, and he'll have vacated the chair. Okay. | |
| All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! (leaves) | |
| (entering from her room) Is this a little too... (sees Phoebe) Pheebs, what happened? | |
| Humus. I got the humus. | |
| Ooooh! Honey, well we'll find you something. Do you wanna wear my black jacket? | |
| That won't go with this dress though. | |
| No, you're right. Well, we'll find something. Let's just get you out of that. Come on. | |
| No, no, no, no, no, no, not out of that, not out of clothes. | |
| Monica, can Phoebe borrow your green dress? | |
| I called him. | |
| Nooo. | |
| Yes. Well I got his machine and I left a message. But it's okay, it's okay, because you know it was like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy! Oh God, what if it wasn't breezy? | |
| Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, you're, you're in such a breezy place. | |
| Here, I got it. I'll will play my message for you guys, and you can tell me if it's breezy enough. | |
| Monica, how are you gonna do that? | |
| I know the code to his answering machine. | |
| Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is the... Okay, you're dialing. (Chandler enters, and Joey is near the chair, they race to see who gets the chair and Joey wins) | |
| (on machine) 'Hi, this is (self). Please, leave a message at the tone.' | |
| You have two new messages. | |
| Wow, what a cool job. (in a machine voice) 'You have two new messages.' 'Please, pass the pie.' | |
| (on machine) 'Hi, it's (self). I'm just checking in 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or... | |
| ...don't, whatever. I'm breezy.' | |
| Hey, you can't say you're breezy, that, that totally negates the breezy. | |
| (on machine) Ola, it's me, yesterday was really fun. Call me about this weekend, okay. | |
| Now that sounded breezy. (commercial break) | |
| He's seeing someone. I can't believe he's seeing someone. | |
| Monica, you don't know that. | |
| Well, who's voice was that? | |
| Maybe it was his sister's. You know, maybe it was his daughter's. | |
| Michelle! Of course, it was Michelle! Did it sound like Michelle? | |
| Oh, great. It's starting to rain, that will make it easy to get a cab. | |
| It was Michelle. It was definitely Michelle. | |
| Pheebs, you go with Monica and try on her green dress. If that doesn't work, you can wear my gray silk one. Oh, gosh, what am I wearing?! | |
| You don't, you don't know what you're wearing? | |
| Well, hon-ey. I'm just trying to look nice for your big night. | |
| Yeah, which, which we have to leave for in exactly twelve minutes. All right, come on, I'll just pick something out for you. | |
| All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A.A. Milne, 'Get out of my chair, dillhole!' | |
| Okay. (he gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave) | |
| What are you doing? | |
| You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions. | |
| The cushions are the essence of the chair! | |
| That's right! I'm taking the essence. | |
| Oh-ho, it'll be back. (looks around) Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room. | |
| Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty. | |
| Ross, that was a Halloween costume, unless you would like me to go to this thing as Little Bo Peep. | |
| Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep. | |
| Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would like back one of these days. | |
| Oh Rach, good, listen isn't this perfect for me! (she's wearing another dress on a hanger around her neck) | |
| Oh, it's perfect! But not for tonight. | |
| Well of course not for tonight. Yeah, hi! | |
| Not for tonight. Not for tonight! Wh-what, what, what, are you doing? | |
| No honey, we're sorry, we didn't mean it. I love you. I love you. | |
| We used them as pillows when we went camping. | |
| | Dialogue | Character |
|---|
| What? | |
| (shyly) The sheep. | |
| Hey, what you do on your own time... | |
| (entering) Where's my underwear?! | |
| Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, come on, what. You took his underwear? | |
| He took my essence! | |
| Okay, now hold on. Joey, why, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now? | |
| Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now. | |
| Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight? | |
| It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues. | |
| Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna have to give back somebody his cushions. | |
| Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you. | |
| What are you, what are you gonna 'show' me my clothes? | |
| Hey, opposite, is opposite! (leaves) | |
| He's got nothing! | |
| (entering from Rachel's room, wearing a huge bow to cover the stain) Okay, I'm ready. | |
| Oh, aaaah! | |
| Rachel, didn't have anything that I liked, so, but she had this Christmas ribbon, and I thought, 'All right, fine I'll be political.' | |
| What are you supporting? | |
| Duh!! Christmas! | |
| Okay, hey, that's okay with me. Two down and I have exactly twelve minutes.... Wha, my watch stopped. My watch. (shows Chandler) Okay, see, the, the dinosaur tail isn't going... | |
| ...any more. (grabs Chandler's watch) What time is it? It's 7:33, I have seven minutes. I have seven minutes!! | |
| (entering from her room) Okay, Pheebs, quick, what shoes should I wear? The black or the purple? | |
| Just, just, just pick one! | |
| Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you have black, with the little strappys? | |
| Yeahh, but, but those really go better with pants. Maybe I should wear pants? | |
| Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and... | |
| pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay. | |
| But I... | |
| No, no, no just do it. Go in there and pick something out so we can go. | |
| All right. | |
| Thank you! | |
| (entering from her room) Okay. I gotta call Michelle. I gotta see if that was her voice or not. I'm sorry, I just have to. (dials phone) | |
| It was, it was her voice. | |
| Monica, I think you've gone over to the bad place. | |
| Ola! Hello. Hello? | |
| (hangs up) Okay, that was her right? | |
| Definitely. | |
| See there you go. Woo! We're out of the woods. Okay, I'll get dressed now. | |
| Yay! (phone rings) | |
| I'll get it, okay. (answers phone) Hi, Monica and Rachel's. (listens) Yeah, just a second, can I ask who's calling. (to Monica) Oh, ew, it's Michelle! Ew! She, she must have that.. | |
| ...Caller Id thing. You should get that. | |
| (on phone) Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was me, I dialed your number by mistake. (listens) Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. I know I really miss him. Well, it's that. | |
| (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about? | |
| (on phone) Michelle, I only beeped in so I could hear my message. I mean that's allowed. Yeah-huh! I mean look, yeah, you know what I would really appreciate it if you didn't... | |
| ...tell your Dad about. What do you mean, you're not comfortable with this? Come on we're friends!! (Michelle hangs up) That bitch always hated me. I'm calling her back. | |
| No, no, no, no. Tick, tick, tick, tick. | |
| Okay, fine. (runs to her room) | |
| They got a phone in there, right? | |
| Okay, we're on it. We're on it. (Rachel comes out from her room wearing sweat pants and a sweatshirt) | |
| Um. I know it says black tie optional, but, um this may be pushing it a little, um. | |
| I'm not gonna gooo. | |
| You're not going to go? | |
| No, I think I'm gonna catch up on my correspondence. | |
| How, how, um how can you not be going? | |
| I'm not gonna gooo, so I think that will accomplish the not going. | |
| Um, you know, just out of curiosity... | |
| Well, ever since I was humiliated and yelled at in front of my friends, I'm just, I don't know, not in a museum benefitty kind of mood. | |
| Right. Right, okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled. | |
| It's fine. | |
| No, but, you're-you're mad. | |
| I'm not mad. | |
| No. | |
| I'm just not going. | |
| You're not going. | |
| Right. | |
| Okay. You know that I-I have to go. | |
| Um, hum. | |
| Right. So is it gonna be like 'I'm abandoning you while you're upset.' | |
| No. | |
| No, because you're not upset. | |
| Right. | |
| About the yelling. | |
| Right, and the humiliating. | |
| Oh, well of course, the humiliating. So, so wee, we're okay. | |
| Um, hum. | |
| We're good. | |
| Right. | |
| Okay. Honey? | |
| Yes, Ross. (turns toward him) | |
| I love you. (goes to kiss her and she turns away.) | |
| (yelling from the bedroom) Get away from that! No! (she comes into the living room carrying the phone) She's just getting dressed. | |
| (enters) Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that? (Joey enters wearing a lot of clothes) | |
| Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own. | |
| Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!! | |
| Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I *be* wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando... | |
| Oooo-ooh! | |
| Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges. (starts doing lunges) | |
| Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party! | |
| Jeez, what a baby. | |
| Yeah, Ross, way to ruin it. I was just going to get dressed. | |
| You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was... | |
| ...a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there. | |
| You could drink the fat. | |
| Hi, welcome, to an adult conversation. | |
| No, no, no, now wait, wa, wa, waa-it a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That actually, uh, that sounds interesting. | |
| What? | |
| I think you should drink the fat. | |
| Yaaaay! | |
| Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do. | |
| Oh, wait, let me get you another glass. That's been sitting out. | |
| I think this will be fine. Okay, just a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers. (starts to drink, but Rachel stops him just before he starts drinking) | |
| No, no, no, wait! Okay, okay. Don't! I'll go, I'll go! | |
| You will?! | |
| You were really gonna do that, weren't you? | |
| Well, yeah. | |
| You were gonna drink the fat. | |
| Let's see what else he'll do! | |
| (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Ross) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica! | |
| (Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking) Stop it. Stop it! (Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone) | |
| Ross went to get a cab so we can all... No, wh-what are you doing! No, Monica, no! | |
| (on machine) Hi, this is Richard. | |
| You have three new messages. | |
| Not any more! | |
| Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone. | |
| Hi, uh, Richard it's (self), listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I beeped into your machine and I.. | |
| ...heard a message that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye. | |
| Your outgoing message has now been changed. | |
| Outgoing! Did that say outgoing?! Not, outgoing!!! | |
| (on machine) 'Hi, uh, Richard it's (self), um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know.' Nooo!! | |
| How did you do that? | |
| I don't know! | |
| Good-bye. | |
| Noooo!!!! | |
| (entering) Okay, okay, okay, I've got two cabs and no people. Go! Go! Go! | |
| Maybe we could call the phone company. Maybe they could change the message. Maybe they can change his number. | |
| Yeah, after this, I think he'll be doing that himself. | |
| Rachel! (she enters) Wow! You, uh, you look, wow! | |
| And I still have about five seconds to spare. (kisses him) Okay, that was about seven seconds. | |
| So we're a little late. | |
| Come on. (they start to leave) Oh! And, uh, by the way.... | |
| What? | |
| I'm going commando too. | |
| Awww!! (closing credits) | |
| (at the banquet) Dr. Geller, (self), London Institute. | |
| Wow! What a pleasure. | |
| (sits down) Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written. | |
| (enters) Excuse me. Hi. | |
| Yes? | |
| Well, you're kind of sitting in my seat. | |
| What do you mean, your seat? | |
| I mean, I was sitting there. | |
| But, you got up! | |
| But, I never left the room! | |
| But, you left the chair area. | |
| All right, that's it, give me your underwear. | |
|
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