| Lyrics | Show |
| I sort of hate to ask it, but do you have a basket? | |
| Pantaloons and tunics! Courtesans and eunuchs! | |
| Though I know my plan had merit/ it's been slow in execution/ if there's one thing you inherit/ it's your father's constitution | |
| Said this bum'll be Beau Brummel | |
| If we are crude, please/ don't come unglued, please/ Let's not be too straight-laced/ The author's reputation wasn't based/ on taste | |
| If a person's personality is personable/ he shouldn't oughta sit like a lump/ It's harder than a matador coercin' a bull/ to try to get you off of your rump | |
| Lining up a prominent commission/ and an exhibition in addition/ Here a little dab of politician/ till you have a balanced composition | |
| It's fop, finest in the shop/ Then we have some Shepherd's Pie peppered with actual shepherd on top | |
| In the depths of her interior/ were fears she was inferior/ and something even eerier/ but no one dared to query her superior exterior | |
| And Stendhal would ruin the plan of attack/As there isn't much blue in 'The Red and the Black' | |