My husband, Fang is so dumb I once said, 'There's a dead bird.'

I spent 7 hours at the beauty shop, and

I'm at an age where my back goes out

Always be nice to your children

Any time 3 New Yorkers get into a cab without argument,

When I told Fang I was going to have my face lifted,

Burt Reynolds once asked me out.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like

Housework can't kill you,

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.

I've been asked for a couple of words about my husband, Fang.

If it weren't for baseball,

The only thing domestic about me is

Most children threaten at times to run away from home.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving

When I first got into this business,

My photographs don't do me justice.

Never go to bed mad.

I have so many liver spots,

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is

The reason women don't play football is because

There's so little money in my bank account,

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle --

We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk,

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age.

You know you're old if