| Lyric | President |
| [President] looked just like his dad | |
| [President] murdered kids in Vietnam | |
| [President] poked at Saddam Hussein | |
| [President] repealed the Missouri Compromise | |
| [President] said let's laissez-faire with business | |
| [President] saved the Union, then he died | |
| [President] saw the Civil War's beginnings | |
| [President] screwed the pooch in the Great Depression | |
| [President] served another term | |
| [President] served one term but he wasn't bad | |
| [President] signed the Sherman Anti-Trust Act | |
| [President]'s reign of terror's finally over | |
| [President] suspended Chinese immigration | |
| Then [President] beat the Nazis in the war | |
| [President] told Europe they could suck it | |
| [President] was a Mexican war hero | |
| [President] was assassinated in 1881 | |
| [President] was a sweating filthy liar | |
| [President] was big and fat and had a mustache | |
| [President] was handy with a gun | |
| [President] was killed by a magic bullet | |
| [President] won the Cold War and lost his mind | |