Actually, I'm a human, but I was raised by elves.

And if you see a sign that says 'Peep Show',

Buddy the Elf,

Deb, you have such a pretty face.

Have you seen these toilets?

Hey, jackweed, I get more action in a week than you've had in your entire life.

-How come you were in the women's locker room this morning?
-I heard you singing.

I don't care where you go. I don't care that you're an elf! I don't care that you're nuts! I don't care that you're my son!

It's just nice to meet another human

Of course you're not an elf.

That's another thing, Buddy, you should know.

That's fun to say!

The best way to spread Christmas Cheer,

This place reminds me of Santa's Workshop!

This, is the North Pole.

We can't just throw him out in the snow.

We elves try to stick to the four main food groups.

What about this: a tribe of asparagus children,

Why are you smiling like that?

You stink. You smell like beef and cheese!

Charlotte Denon wants a Tiffany engagement ring

First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there.