Missing Word: Comedians' Jokes (A-Z)

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Can you name the missing word to each of these jokes (A-Z)*?

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JokeMissing WordComedian
'------- is a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.' (7)Louis CK
'------ are like poems - beautiful to their creator, but to others, they're silly and they're irritating.' (6)Doug Stanhope
'The hardest thing to do at a --------- ------- is cheat on a test because the only people you can cheat off of also go to a --------- -------.' (9,7)Tommy Johnagin
I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against -----.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on ----- are winning it.' (5)Bill Hicks
'Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was ----- ----.' (5,4)Jim Gaffigan
'I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some -----.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some ----- with that?' (5)Jay Leno
'I told my doctor I want to stop aging, so he gave me a ---.' (3)Rodney Dangerfield
'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your ---- louder.' (4)Steven Wright
'I download all my music legally. But I stole my ----' (4)Brody Stevens
'I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. The paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I wrote '-----' on it. (5)Demetri Martin
'I've been searching for my ex-girlfriend's ------. But so far, nobody's willing to do it.' (6)Anthony Jeselnik
'When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a --------?' (8)Robin Williams
JokeMissing WordComedian
'Never go to bed ---. Stay up and fight.' (3)Phyllis Diller
'The results of a new study are out this week saying that --- ------ is one of the most livable states in the country. The study has a margin of error of 100 percent.' (3,6)Conan O'Brien
'You don't mess with -----. She has enough money in her left pocket to have me killed.' (5)Jeff Ross
'Atheism is a non ------- organization.' (7)George Carlin
'------ are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.' (6)Bo Burnham
'---- is great for when you're hungry and you want 2000 of something.'Mitch Hedberg
'An escalator can never be broken; it can only become ------.'Mitch Hedberg
'I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy --------. Now I'm good at everything.' (8)Demetri Martin
'For my next trick I will make everyone ---------- me.' (10)Marc Maron
'Look at the ------ ----. We have a whole religion based on one woman who really stuck to her story.' (6,4)Greg Giraldo
'A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of ------.' (6)Steven Wright
'I tried to throw a -- -- away. It was impossible.' (2,2)Mitch Hedberg

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