| Tweet | Tweeter | Tweet date |
|---|
| OMG. Forgot I left the BBQ on. Nothing I hate more than burned steak. | |
| @AssemblyLine Dudes, where's my cars? | |
| Sorry for the lack of tweets.Wi-fi sucks underground. | |
| @aaronburr Nice shot . . . | |
| @Dragons @Dinosaurs @unicorns Ark is full. Don't worry. I'll BRB. | |
| I hope and pray that this great nation lasts long enough to see my embroidery fashioned into bikini tops. | |
| People in China have a strange way of talking to me. One says my first name, the other my last. | |
| @JFKennedy Happy bday, Mr. Pres! Guess who this is: o8-< (it's me) | |
| Coach just assured me 100m gold medal winner gets to kick #Hitler where it counts. | |
| .. / ..-. .- .-. - . -.. .-.-.- LOL | |
| Finally finished invention. Disappointed to learn that no one can read. #fml | |
| I only regret that I have but 140 characters to use for my country. | |
| At my current rate of success, alcohol in Chicago will be eliminated forever in no time. | |
| It's all about the me's, baby! | |
| Thinking of opening with a cake story. It will make a killing. | |
| Having a hard time explaining to my wife why the maid's breasts are suddenly solid gold. | |
| Just picked up my 2nd Nobel Prize. They thought I was pretty. Called me positively radiant. | |
| Gr8 show tonite. The Ford is the perfect venue for AAAAAARRGH!! | |
| New lifts arrived today. Feeling confident. Will tweet more from Waterloo. | |
| Advice for young artists: Visit the site before quoting a price for a 'simple ceiling paint job.' | |
100 Most Influential Americans 
Famous Last Words 
Famous Americans by Nickname
