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Qi panelist by quote
Can you pick the Qi panelist by quote?
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Qi's panelists are known for telling bizarre stories, nonsensical ramblings, and saying many other odd, irrelevant, or idiotic things. Can you figure out who said what?
If you're unsure about whether to do one cheek or two, best way to deal with it is to cup their genitals while you're doing it, and they won't mind how many kisses.
Have you tried one of my turds?
You were supposed to not bring any props from The Hobbit back!
They put a severed hand in her room and waited to see what would happen. After about ten minutes of silence they walked in and she was eating it.
I had a seal flipper, and it looked exactly like a marigold glove filled with wallpaper paste. And it tasted exactly like licking a hot Turkish urinal
Now the socks that man in the middle is wearing are very long socks. And just out of interest for you, that's something that I've turned to recently. I now favor the longer sock
There's one of those adverts that sort of says 'There are more germs on your chopping board than on your loo seat.' To which the answer is, 'well clearly that's fine, then.'
Right. So, by that logic, were we to raise the subject of the scoring system, and I was to do that, [holds up his 'Nobody knows' card] then…
People show you their babies on their phone now, and it's like a cashew with some hair coming out of it. The thing to say is 'Nice phone'.
If I could stand on a planet and throw an Ewok into a lake of fart...
There's nothing like the warm look on white people's faces when they feel like they're teaching you something.
Oh God, one of them's shipwrecked, 'who's a girl, who's a boy?', 'I'm married!', everyone's dead!
I was a goth for a while. I was asked to leave, 'cos I was just too miserable.
I never saw American History X, because I didn't see any of the first nine.
It was for, er, putting in mattresses, for monks, as, er, an anti-masturbation sound trigger device …
That's not any use! Don't learn that expression. 'Really ugly baby.' There's never an option to use that in real life.
How can it be a trap? How can this possibly be a trap? I am thirty-seven. Look! [hits the buzzer] Thirty-seven! There we go. No points last - [klaxon goes off]
Sometimes if I meet an attractive woman, I will tazer her
I think there's a scientific relationship between a sense of humour and the male sex organ.
Any way you want it to. You can push to go one way or the other, I've tried it.
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