| Quote | Who Said It? | To.... |
| I have to go. They'll think I'm pooping. | |
| I've got a full ride to a little school called the University of California in Los Angeles. Maybe you've heard of it. It's in Los Angeles. | |
| I can't wait to start singing and dancing and maybe even putting on the Ritz a little bit. | |
| Mr. Schue, kids are busier than when you went here. We've got homework, and football, teen pregnancy... lunch. | |
| We were just taking a lesson from Major League Baseball. It's not cheating if everyone does it. | |
| I'm all about being a team player. But my family comes first. | |
| Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks. | |
| She's the one they made me talk to when they found out I was keeping that bird in my locker. | |
| I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling. | |
| It's my personal tribute to a musical Jewish icon. | |
| I want us to be together, a real couple. I even circled some dates on your crazy calendar. | |
| What if I were to innocently murder you, Will? I'd still have to go to trial. I'd still probably get off for justifiable homicide. | |
| You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they're going in another direction. That was hard. | |
| I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night I will steal away into your home and pu | |
| I love the days when I don't wear underwear. Full commando! | |