| Quote | Character Name |
| Kiss her you blockhead! | |
| I think a music box is the most romantic gift a boy can give to a girl. | |
| Write your homework on a doughnut. I'll eat it. | |
| The principal wants to talk to me. Why me? I'm nobody. I don't even have a dog. | |
| Maybe we can run away to Paris. If we fly by night, we'll be in Paris by the morning. | |
| This girl in my school was kinda depressed, see? And I told her we could run away to Paris. I don't even know where Paris is. | |
| I learned something too. I'll never be Andrew Wyeth. | |
| If we have to hear about Dick and Jane again, I'm going to go crazy. Ma'am? I think the class would be interested in how Anna Karenina ducks under the train. | |
| I could rule the whole world from under my bed. | |
| I can't go to school. The guards will hate me. | |
| My dad took me to a baseball game last night and we got two hot dogs. One of them was still in my pocket. | |
| It's a book on first aid, Marcie. Ah. Here's the chapter I was looking for. What to Do in Case of Stupidity. | |
| Here's my term paper, Ma'am. Please judge it with mercy. Treat it as if it was a newborn baby. Which it is because I just wrote it this morning. | |
| I'm sorry manager. Your graceful movements on the mound lulled me to sleep. | |
| What are you trying to do? Ruin my afterlife? | |
| You were blocking the plate, sweetie. Here. I could only find one shoe. | |
| The moon is over Hollywood so just follow the moon. | |
| Last time we were going someplace he told us the North Star is over Minneapolis. | |
| Don't cure me. This is a good life. | |
| We found out what is wrong with you. Everything. | |
| Maybe Thomas Woolfe was right. 'You can never go home again.' | |
| Dear reader. Thank you for your letter. Sincerely, Miss Helen Sweetstory. This is a form letter! You stupid beagle! Miss Sweetstory sent you a form letter! | |
| Some people think we look cute with glasses, Sir. Besides if you wore glasses you'd look just like Elton John. | |
| Sorry for sharing our intimate correspondence, Miss Sweetstory, but I need a sugar cookie. | |
| When lost one can do one of two things. One can calmly look at the map and try to find one's way, or one can panic. I think I'll panic. Aaugh! | |
| That's not a map! That's an ad for dog food! | |
| A pizza would taste good right about now. | |
| Happiness is coming home from the hospital. | |
| Let me put it this way. How does it feel deep down in your little heart of hearts that you will never be a hero? | |
| Prairie dogs ran off with the covered wagon. | |
| We prairie dogs are very affectionate! | |
| I missed the ball, Charlie Brown, but the ground caught it. Good catch ground! | |
| Well if it isn't fat legs Volley? | |
| You hit my partner in the mouth! | |
| We win by default! | |
| Only three years old and already I'm being forced to go commercial. | |
| Last night I saw a guy play the piano with his nose. | |
| Well Schroeder I see you're Bach. Where've you been? Haydn? | |
| This one guy asks the conductor if he can play the Hallelujah Chorus and he says 'Oh I can Handel it.' | |
| What am I, a new feminist, doing in right field? Why do I have to take orders from that stupid manager? I'm just as good as he is. | |
| Lucy couldn't make it so I'm taking her place. Don't worry. She told me everything I need to know. Throw the ball over the plate you blockhead! | |
| Oh to be at Wimbledon now that spring is here. | |
| I've formed a new habit over changeover. Have a chocolate chip cookie. | |
| The chocolate chip cookies won in straight sets. | |
| Out! What do you mean are we sure? We called it out didn't we? Every ball that you've hit has been out, and every ball that we've hit has been in! | |
| It was out! It was out by forty feet! What's the matter with you? Can't you see? | |
| Where's the ball? I lost it in the sun! Hey parner. Did you see where it went? Hey partner! Don't just stand there! You make the call! Was it out or was it in? | |
| When you hit a volley it's supposed to go thong not blap! Blap, good grief. | |
| I'm in the zone kid. We might win if my partner doesn't blap any more put aways. You're not going to blap any more put aways are you partner? | |
| I've heard of mixed doubles but this is ridiculous. All right partner let's get one thing straight. I hate to lose. I'll make all the line calls and you guard the alley. | |
| You see that fat lady over there? She's come here to make sure her darling son gets good calls. She hates me. She knows that when I play all the calls will be in centimeters. | |
| Actually I lost to a left handed St. Bernard. | |
| Look who we're playing, partner. Cry Baby Boobie and Bad Call Benny. Crybaby Boobie complaigns about everything and Bad Call Benny calls everything out. | |
| I hope this movie isn't going to have a lot of throwing up. I'm not going to spend money to watch some stupid person throw up. | |
| Come back! Maybe there won't be any throwing up. Maybe there'll just be killing. | |
| This is your ball isn't it? Take it and run for home. | |
| I'm a father! No my dad is a father! I'm a brother! I have a little sister! | |
| At first I wanted to be an only child. You spoiled that, you know that? Then I thought it would be nice to have a sister. So what happens? I get another brother. A rerun! | |
| I'm no good with names. Did he say 5 or V? | |
| My dad says we have so many numbers lately that we are slowly losing our identity. That's why he decided that each of us should have a number instead of a name. | |
| Sure. I'm drowning and my partner is eating cookies. | |
| I must admit I know nothing about swimming. Is your head supposed to be above or below water? | |
| You're beautiful Miss Marcie. You should be a model. | |
| I'm going home. This neighborhood has me in shock. I don't mind the dog with the goggles or the girl in the booth, but that stuff about the Great Pumpkin. No sir. | |
| So who wants to win an Ugly Dog Contest? She gets the trophy. What do I get? The use of this bone for a year. | |
| I found out why camels can last so long in the desert without water. It has something to do with their big noses. | |