Television / 50 South Park Quotes

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Can you name the character who said these South Park quotes?

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QuoteCharacter
'I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids.'
'What the hell is this?! Skinless chicken, boiled vegetables and salad?! This is just like Auschwitz!'
'But, what if when I'm trying to put on the nose, the snowman comes alive and tries to kill me?'
'Having boobs sucks.'
'I don't want to do it if it hurts or if it makes you get all sticky.'
'Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars.'
'I'm beginning to think that maybe it's wrong to put someone who thinks they're a Vietnamese prostitute on a bull.'
'Have you seen the poop swatches?'
'Dude, this is pretty f**ked up right here.'
'Stan told me to tell you he thinks you're a cont...cont...cont...you're a cont, cont, cont...'
'Dude, it's not like terrorism! It is terrorism!'
'Your mother's been worried sick! And I've been watching TV.'
'Ohh. I thought a group of Vietnamese people were getting their intestines pulled out through their mouths.'
'Butters, remind me to cut your balls off later.'
'My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.'
'Then I was right. Jobe has all his children killed, and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies. There isn't a God.'
'I'm so high man, I don't think I can take it.'
'Cartman, that's the dumbest thing you've ever said... this week.'
'Shawna, I was wondering if I could put my penis in your vagina.'
'Yeah, a hippie and a terrorist is the same thing.'
'This is hopeless. We're just going to have to face that the commercialism has been sucked out of Christmas.'
'Why does nobody believe that I'm serial?'
'I'm gonna make love to your a**hole, children.'
'You put a guy's wiener in your mouth, that makes you gay, stupid!'
'Dad, Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!'
QuoteCharacter
'Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Yummy!'
'Yeah. You know, we believe in equality for everybody, and tolerance, and all that gay stuff, but dude, f**k you.'
'I'm killing you. Unfortunately I could only afford a wiffle bat so this may take a while.'
'How would YOU feel, if someone came into your home, m'kay, pulled down their pants and laid a big mud monkey right on your mom's face!'
'Mom-m-m, Ben Affleck is naked in my bed!'
'You go to hell. You go to hell and you die.'
'Don't get cancer on the ladder, Cartman! You're gonna fall off and break it.'
'I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!'
'Yes! I am God of the sea people!'
'Hello, is this customer service? I'm having a problem with my new television: it's sprouted laser guns and started walking around shooting people.'
'There’s a time and a place for everything, and it’s called college.”
'All animals kill, and the animals that don't kill are stupid ones like cows and turtles and stuff.'
'Well, excuse my French, Mrs. Marsh, but you can suck my fat hairy balls!'
'Chef, what would a priest want to stick up my butt?'
'James Taylor, what the hell are you doing singing about prostitutes to these children? Get outta here!'
'I'm not drinking and driving, I'm driving while I'm drinking.'
'I promise I'll never go on TV with balls on my chin again.'
'I was once involved in a drive-by shooting! Whatevah, I do what I want!'
'Yeah. Why we sure gave those skanky bitches what for.'
'It's when you take your finger, and you stick it in a vagina and you stick it again and again.'
'You know what they say: You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks.'
'Yeah, I could use some goddamn poontang, myself, right now.'
'Everything is back to normal. I-I think... I think I can go back to trying to destroy the world again.'
'Hello Muhammad, we've read all aboot you in the Qur'an.'
'Well, your moms are just upset. They’re probably all on their periods or something.'

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