100 Simpsons Quotes

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Can you name the character who said these quotes?

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'Ah, the joys of mortgaging your future.'
'Homer, your theory of a donut shaped universe is intriguing. I may have to steal it for a while.'
'What kind of 10 year old boy has a tea set?'
'If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was better than anti-lock brakes.'
'I played hardball with Hollywood, the closest I will ever come to playing a sport in my life!'
'I don't get mad. I get stabby.'
'You call this a bicameral legislature?'
'I demand to speak to my paleontologist.'
'Boujooour, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!'
'I wished we lived in a place like the America of yesteryear that exists only in the mind of us Republicans.'
'Sir, I got carsick in your office.'
'I got sprayed by a skunk. Let me rub it off on your sweaters.'
'Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.'
'Our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.'
'Hey, if you're getting loaded off those fumes, I'm gonna have to charge you.'
'It's not enough to want the cracker. You have to earn it.'
'Wow! I've never been called an adult before, but i've been tried as one.'
'It's BTO. They're Canada's answer to ELP. Their biggest hit was TCB.'
'Uh, hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.'
'Grandma had hair like that before she went to sleep in her forever box.'
'I think we'd all be better off if every country had its own planet.'
'I'm in no condition to drive. Wait! I shouldn't listen to myself. I'm drunk!'
'I'm Santa? Oh, now i'll never die.'
'I'm in love... no,wait. It's a stroke.'
'Please do not offer my god a peanut.'
'Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister.'
'Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?'
'Homer, a gun's not a toy. It's for protection or shooting dangerous or delicious animals.'
'If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage.'
'We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.'
'Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards?'
'Homer, I think you've got the gun set on '****'.'
'Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too.'
'You, sir, are an idiot.'
'Who'd thought a nuclear reactor would be so complicated?'
'Don't make me run. I'm full of chocolate!'
'Ahh, if it isn't my friend Mr. Mcgregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.'
'I'm a furniture!'
'Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins the movie by telling you how it ends.'
'Is it a crime to want nice things and then steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? I think not.'
'I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.'
'My theory is-Skinner likes dog food.'
'Well, he's kind of had it in for me since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace the word 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'.
'my eye! I'm not supposed to get jigs in it!'
'I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah!'
'That's Kabbala, jerk.'
'How can I prove that we're live? Penis.'
'And now in the spirit of the season, start shopping.'
'Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.'
'If anyone asks, you were at the flower shop.'
'I don't think real checks have exclamation points.'
'Oh, stupid movies. Who invented these dumb things, anyway?'
'We don't believe fur is murder, but paying for it sure is.'
'Think of it as a wake up call from a man with nothin' but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Should not have used helium.'
'They taste like burning...'
'This country is so historic. For all we know, Jesus could've given a talk in Conference Room C!'
'Now I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his SKIMMER!'
'We will not negotiate with terrorists. Is there a nearby city who will?'
'I am the Lizard Queen!'
'Boys don't have feelings, they have muscles!'
'You gotta nuke somethin'
'I don't want my last words to him to be 'cut your toenails, they look like Fritos'.'
'Hamlet is not only a great play but it also became a great movie, called 'Ghostbusters'.'
'This place is nothing like Animal House! I smashed a beatnik's guitar and he sued me for damages!.'
'Oh, boy. Looks like suicide again for me.'
'Gambling is a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe.'
'Oh my god! Somebody's taken a bite of the big Rice Krispie square! Oh yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten.'
'There's no shame in being a pariah.'
'Book stores don't have answers, they just have creepy guys sitting in easy chairs at the end of hallways.'
'Enclosed is a photo of us on a bike. I forget which one I am.'
'I'm not popular enough to be different!'
'You sunk my scrabbleship!'
'Bingo? That's my favorite game! I just remember what to yell out when you win.'
'I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!'
'We're not crying. We're vomiting through our eyes!'
'If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.'
'Fire can be our friend, whether its toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.'
'If this is anyone other than Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!'
'Silly customer. You cannot kill a Twinkie.'
'You remind me of the monkey man who killed my father's chickens.'
'Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.'
'Hey Bart, you epidermis is showing!'
'Hello, St. Louis!!'
'I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.'
'Miss Simpson, do you find anything funny about the word 'tromboner'?'
'A woman doctor? Now I've seen everything.'
'I love children, particularly their young supple organs.'
'Oh, a sarcasm detector. That's a REALLY useful invention.'
'Ah, God. He's my favorite fictional character.'
'I'll be bringin' spark plugs to chuck at people I don't like. Like you!'
'Um, excuse me, sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchuks?'
'All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that all of you are probably used to.. but i'm not.'
'Oh, we're going to be upstairs, making love...ly rope ladders in case of a fire.'
'I only call you skum compared to Krusty.'
'I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.'
'There's nothing like an unfurnished basement for maximum comfort.'
'Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!'
'Your Honor, I call for a bad trial thingy.'
'Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, and idiot, a pig, and a communist, but he is not a porn star!'

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