Television / 100 Simpsons Quotes

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Can you name the character who said these quotes?

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'Is it a crime to want nice things and then steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? I think not.'
'Now I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his SKIMMER!'
'Well, he's kind of had it in for me since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace the word 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'.
'Wow! I've never been called an adult before, but i've been tried as one.'
'And now in the spirit of the season, start shopping.'
'Book stores don't have answers, they just have creepy guys sitting in easy chairs at the end of hallways.'
'Your Honor, I call for a bad trial thingy.'
'Please do not offer my god a peanut.'
'Oh, a sarcasm detector. That's a REALLY useful invention.'
'Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister.'
'Homer, I think you've got the gun set on '****'.'
'Oh, boy. Looks like suicide again for me.'
'Oh, stupid movies. Who invented these dumb things, anyway?'
'I played hardball with Hollywood, the closest I will ever come to playing a sport in my life!'
'We're not crying. We're vomiting through our eyes!'
'Ah, the joys of mortgaging your future.'
'I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah!'
'Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins the movie by telling you how it ends.'
'I'll be bringin' spark plugs to chuck at people I don't like. Like you!'
'I'm Santa? Oh, now i'll never die.'
'I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.'
'If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.'
'I'm in no condition to drive. Wait! I shouldn't listen to myself. I'm drunk!'
'Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, and idiot, a pig, and a communist, but he is not a porn star!'
'My theory is-Skinner likes dog food.'
'You remind me of the monkey man who killed my father's chickens.'
'Fire can be our friend, whether its toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.'
'I love children, particularly their young supple organs.'
'I think we'd all be better off if every country had its own planet.'
'Hamlet is not only a great play but it also became a great movie, called 'Ghostbusters'.'
'Gambling is a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe.'
'There's nothing like an unfurnished basement for maximum comfort.'
'If anyone asks, you were at the flower shop.'
'I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.'
'Silly customer. You cannot kill a Twinkie.'
'How can I prove that we're live? Penis.'
'Oh my god! Somebody's taken a bite of the big Rice Krispie square! Oh yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten.'
'Think of it as a wake up call from a man with nothin' but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Should not have used helium.'
'If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage.'
'All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that all of you are probably used to.. but i'm not.'
'A woman doctor? Now I've seen everything.'
'Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!'
'I am the Lizard Queen!'
'We don't believe fur is murder, but paying for it sure is.'
'Hey, if you're getting loaded off those fumes, I'm gonna have to charge you.'
'What kind of 10 year old boy has a tea set?'
'Don't make me run. I'm full of chocolate!'
'Grandma had hair like that before she went to sleep in her forever box.'
'We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.'
'Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards?'
'Enclosed is a photo of us on a bike. I forget which one I am.'
'I got sprayed by a skunk. Let me rub it off on your sweaters.'
'You sunk my scrabbleship!'
'You gotta nuke somethin'
'Who'd thought a nuclear reactor would be so complicated?'
'I don't want my last words to him to be 'cut your toenails, they look like Fritos'.'
'I only call you skum compared to Krusty.'
'Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.'
'You, sir, are an idiot.'
'If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was better than anti-lock brakes.'
'Homer, your theory of a donut shaped universe is intriguing. I may have to steal it for a while.'
'I'm not popular enough to be different!'
'Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too.'
'This country is so historic. For all we know, Jesus could've given a talk in Conference Room C!'
'I demand to speak to my paleontologist.'
'I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.'
'Boujooour, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!'
'It's BTO. They're Canada's answer to ELP. Their biggest hit was TCB.'
'Our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.'
'I'm in love... no,wait. It's a stroke.'
'There's no shame in being a pariah.'
'We will not negotiate with terrorists. Is there a nearby city who will?'
'I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!'
'Bingo? That's my favorite game! I just remember what to yell out when you win.'
'If this is anyone other than Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!'
'You call this a bicameral legislature?'
'Ahh, if it isn't my friend Mr. Mcgregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.'
'I'm a furniture!'
'Oh, we're going to be upstairs, making rope ladders in case of a fire.'
'I don't get mad. I get stabby.'
'Miss Simpson, do you find anything funny about the word 'tromboner'?'
'I wished we lived in a place like the America of yesteryear that exists only in the mind of us Republicans.'
'Homer, a gun's not a toy. It's for protection or shooting dangerous or delicious animals.'
'Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.'
'Sir, I got carsick in your office.'
'Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.'
'Boys don't have feelings, they have muscles!'
'my eye! I'm not supposed to get jigs in it!'
'Uh, hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.'
'This place is nothing like Animal House! I smashed a beatnik's guitar and he sued me for damages!.'
'Um, excuse me, sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchuks?'
'It's not enough to want the cracker. You have to earn it.'
'I don't think real checks have exclamation points.'
'Ah, God. He's my favorite fictional character.'
'Hello, St. Louis!!'
'Hey Bart, you epidermis is showing!'
'They taste like burning...'
'That's Kabbala, jerk.'
'Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?'

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