100 Simpsons Quotes

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Can you name the character who said these quotes?

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'I played hardball with Hollywood, the closest I will ever come to playing a sport in my life!'
'I don't want my last words to him to be 'cut your toenails, they look like Fritos'.'
'I don't get mad. I get stabby.'
'Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins the movie by telling you how it ends.'
'They taste like burning...'
'That's Kabbala, jerk.'
'Oh, we're going to be upstairs, making love...ly rope ladders in case of a fire.'
'Hello, St. Louis!!'
'If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was better than anti-lock brakes.'
'Well, he's kind of had it in for me since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace the word 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'.
'What kind of 10 year old boy has a tea set?'
'Miss Simpson, do you find anything funny about the word 'tromboner'?'
'I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.'
'Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards?'
'A woman doctor? Now I've seen everything.'
'Book stores don't have answers, they just have creepy guys sitting in easy chairs at the end of hallways.'
'Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too.'
'You remind me of the monkey man who killed my father's chickens.'
'Sir, I got carsick in your office.'
'I don't think real checks have exclamation points.'
'Hey Bart, you epidermis is showing!'
'I got sprayed by a skunk. Let me rub it off on your sweaters.'
'I'm in love... no,wait. It's a stroke.'
'Boys don't have feelings, they have muscles!'
'Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, and idiot, a pig, and a communist, but he is not a porn star!'
'Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.'
'You gotta nuke somethin'
'We will not negotiate with terrorists. Is there a nearby city who will?'
'Ah, God. He's my favorite fictional character.'
'Oh, a sarcasm detector. That's a REALLY useful invention.'
'Boujooour, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!'
'my eye! I'm not supposed to get jigs in it!'
'Hey, if you're getting loaded off those fumes, I'm gonna have to charge you.'
'Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.'
'If this is anyone other than Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!'
'Your Honor, I call for a bad trial thingy.'
'If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.'
'There's nothing like an unfurnished basement for maximum comfort.'
'I wished we lived in a place like the America of yesteryear that exists only in the mind of us Republicans.'
'This country is so historic. For all we know, Jesus could've given a talk in Conference Room C!'
'We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.'
'Oh, stupid movies. Who invented these dumb things, anyway?'
'Don't make me run. I'm full of chocolate!'
'Silly customer. You cannot kill a Twinkie.'
'Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!'
'I think we'd all be better off if every country had its own planet.'
'We're not crying. We're vomiting through our eyes!'
'My theory is-Skinner likes dog food.'
'Um, excuse me, sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchuks?'
'Wow! I've never been called an adult before, but i've been tried as one.'
'Gambling is a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe.'
'How can I prove that we're live? Penis.'
'Oh, boy. Looks like suicide again for me.'
'It's BTO. They're Canada's answer to ELP. Their biggest hit was TCB.'
'Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.'
'And now in the spirit of the season, start shopping.'
'Homer, I think you've got the gun set on '****'.'
'Enclosed is a photo of us on a bike. I forget which one I am.'
'Ah, the joys of mortgaging your future.'
'If anyone asks, you were at the flower shop.'
'I'm a furniture!'
'I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!'
'Oh my god! Somebody's taken a bite of the big Rice Krispie square! Oh yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten.'
'Please do not offer my god a peanut.'
'I am the Lizard Queen!'
'I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah!'
'Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?'
'I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.'
'Think of it as a wake up call from a man with nothin' but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Should not have used helium.'
'Now I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his SKIMMER!'
'I only call you skum compared to Krusty.'
'I demand to speak to my paleontologist.'
'Fire can be our friend, whether its toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.'
'Is it a crime to want nice things and then steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? I think not.'
'I'm in no condition to drive. Wait! I shouldn't listen to myself. I'm drunk!'
'I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.'
'I'm Santa? Oh, now i'll never die.'
'I love children, particularly their young supple organs.'
'Bingo? That's my favorite game! I just remember what to yell out when you win.'
'Homer, your theory of a donut shaped universe is intriguing. I may have to steal it for a while.'
'All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that all of you are probably used to.. but i'm not.'
'Homer, a gun's not a toy. It's for protection or shooting dangerous or delicious animals.'
'Our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.'
'We don't believe fur is murder, but paying for it sure is.'
'This place is nothing like Animal House! I smashed a beatnik's guitar and he sued me for damages!.'
'It's not enough to want the cracker. You have to earn it.'
'Who'd thought a nuclear reactor would be so complicated?'
'If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage.'
'You sunk my scrabbleship!'
'I'll be bringin' spark plugs to chuck at people I don't like. Like you!'
'You call this a bicameral legislature?'
'Hamlet is not only a great play but it also became a great movie, called 'Ghostbusters'.'
'Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister.'
'Ahh, if it isn't my friend Mr. Mcgregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.'
'You, sir, are an idiot.'
'Uh, hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.'
'I'm not popular enough to be different!'
'There's no shame in being a pariah.'
'Grandma had hair like that before she went to sleep in her forever box.'

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