100 Simpsons Quotes

Random Television or The Simpsons Quiz

Can you name the character who said these quotes?

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'If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage.'
'I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.'
'Oh, a sarcasm detector. That's a REALLY useful invention.'
'This place is nothing like Animal House! I smashed a beatnik's guitar and he sued me for damages!.'
'Oh, stupid movies. Who invented these dumb things, anyway?'
'Well, he's kind of had it in for me since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace the word 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'.
'I'm Santa? Oh, now i'll never die.'
'There's nothing like an unfurnished basement for maximum comfort.'
'I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!'
'Sir, I got carsick in your office.'
'I don't get mad. I get stabby.'
'You, sir, are an idiot.'
'Think of it as a wake up call from a man with nothin' but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Should not have used helium.'
'Silly customer. You cannot kill a Twinkie.'
'You gotta nuke somethin'
'Wow! I've never been called an adult before, but i've been tried as one.'
'It's BTO. They're Canada's answer to ELP. Their biggest hit was TCB.'
'This country is so historic. For all we know, Jesus could've given a talk in Conference Room C!'
'I'll be bringin' spark plugs to chuck at people I don't like. Like you!'
'I wished we lived in a place like the America of yesteryear that exists only in the mind of us Republicans.'
'If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was better than anti-lock brakes.'
'All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that all of you are probably used to.. but i'm not.'
'Miss Simpson, do you find anything funny about the word 'tromboner'?'
'It's not enough to want the cracker. You have to earn it.'
'Bingo? That's my favorite game! I just remember what to yell out when you win.'
'Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins the movie by telling you how it ends.'
'I am the Lizard Queen!'
'I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.'
'Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?'
'If anyone asks, you were at the flower shop.'
'I'm not popular enough to be different!'
'We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.'
'Who'd thought a nuclear reactor would be so complicated?'
'I played hardball with Hollywood, the closest I will ever come to playing a sport in my life!'
'Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, and idiot, a pig, and a communist, but he is not a porn star!'
'I love children, particularly their young supple organs.'
'Hey, if you're getting loaded off those fumes, I'm gonna have to charge you.'
'Boujooour, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!'
'Um, excuse me, sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchuks?'
'We're not crying. We're vomiting through our eyes!'
'Don't make me run. I'm full of chocolate!'
'Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.'
'I think we'd all be better off if every country had its own planet.'
'That's Kabbala, jerk.'
'I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah!'
'Grandma had hair like that before she went to sleep in her forever box.'
'Oh my god! Somebody's taken a bite of the big Rice Krispie square! Oh yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten.'
'Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister.'
'A woman doctor? Now I've seen everything.'
'I'm in love... no,wait. It's a stroke.'
'There's no shame in being a pariah.'
'Ah, the joys of mortgaging your future.'
'We will not negotiate with terrorists. Is there a nearby city who will?'
'If this is anyone other than Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!'
'I demand to speak to my paleontologist.'
'I'm in no condition to drive. Wait! I shouldn't listen to myself. I'm drunk!'
'And now in the spirit of the season, start shopping.'
'How can I prove that we're live? Penis.'
'Is it a crime to want nice things and then steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? I think not.'
'I only call you skum compared to Krusty.'
'Oh, boy. Looks like suicide again for me.'
'Your Honor, I call for a bad trial thingy.'
'They taste like burning...'
'I don't think real checks have exclamation points.'
'Homer, I think you've got the gun set on '****'.'
'Now I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his SKIMMER!'
'Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!'
'Hey Bart, you epidermis is showing!'
'Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.'
'We don't believe fur is murder, but paying for it sure is.'
'You remind me of the monkey man who killed my father's chickens.'
'Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards?'
'You sunk my scrabbleship!'
'Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too.'
'Enclosed is a photo of us on a bike. I forget which one I am.'
'Please do not offer my god a peanut.'
'You call this a bicameral legislature?'
'I don't want my last words to him to be 'cut your toenails, they look like Fritos'.'
'I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.'
'Uh, hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.'
'Homer, your theory of a donut shaped universe is intriguing. I may have to steal it for a while.'
'I got sprayed by a skunk. Let me rub it off on your sweaters.'
'Boys don't have feelings, they have muscles!'
'What kind of 10 year old boy has a tea set?'
'Hamlet is not only a great play but it also became a great movie, called 'Ghostbusters'.'
'Hello, St. Louis!!'
'Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.'
'Ahh, if it isn't my friend Mr. Mcgregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.'
'Homer, a gun's not a toy. It's for protection or shooting dangerous or delicious animals.'
'Ah, God. He's my favorite fictional character.'
'Fire can be our friend, whether its toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.'
'Our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.'
'Oh, we're going to be upstairs, making love...ly rope ladders in case of a fire.'
'I'm a furniture!'
'My theory is-Skinner likes dog food.'
'Gambling is a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe.'
'Book stores don't have answers, they just have creepy guys sitting in easy chairs at the end of hallways.'
'If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.'
'my eye! I'm not supposed to get jigs in it!'

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