Television / 100 Simpsons Quotes

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Can you name the character who said these quotes?

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'Ah, the joys of mortgaging your future.'
'Sir, I got carsick in your office.'
'Oh, boy. Looks like suicide again for me.'
'This place is nothing like Animal House! I smashed a beatnik's guitar and he sued me for damages!.'
'Um, excuse me, sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchuks?'
'I think we'd all be better off if every country had its own planet.'
'I don't want my last words to him to be 'cut your toenails, they look like Fritos'.'
'I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.'
'I wished we lived in a place like the America of yesteryear that exists only in the mind of us Republicans.'
'It's BTO. They're Canada's answer to ELP. Their biggest hit was TCB.'
'They taste like burning...'
'Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too.'
'You call this a bicameral legislature?'
'Who'd thought a nuclear reactor would be so complicated?'
'Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!'
'I don't think real checks have exclamation points.'
'We don't believe fur is murder, but paying for it sure is.'
'Well, he's kind of had it in for me since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace the word 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'.
'Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister.'
'Hello, St. Louis!!'
'I love children, particularly their young supple organs.'
'There's nothing like an unfurnished basement for maximum comfort.'
'I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.'
'Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards?'
'A woman doctor? Now I've seen everything.'
'Ah, God. He's my favorite fictional character.'
'I demand to speak to my paleontologist.'
'Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?'
'I'm a furniture!'
'You remind me of the monkey man who killed my father's chickens.'
'And now in the spirit of the season, start shopping.'
'Our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.'
'I'll be bringin' spark plugs to chuck at people I don't like. Like you!'
'I don't get mad. I get stabby.'
'Oh, we're going to be upstairs, making rope ladders in case of a fire.'
'I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.'
'It's not enough to want the cracker. You have to earn it.'
'I got sprayed by a skunk. Let me rub it off on your sweaters.'
'You sunk my scrabbleship!'
'Fire can be our friend, whether its toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.'
'What kind of 10 year old boy has a tea set?'
'There's no shame in being a pariah.'
'Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, and idiot, a pig, and a communist, but he is not a porn star!'
'Miss Simpson, do you find anything funny about the word 'tromboner'?'
'Homer, your theory of a donut shaped universe is intriguing. I may have to steal it for a while.'
'Boys don't have feelings, they have muscles!'
'Ahh, if it isn't my friend Mr. Mcgregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.'
'Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.'
'That's Kabbala, jerk.'
'my eye! I'm not supposed to get jigs in it!'
'Don't make me run. I'm full of chocolate!'
'Enclosed is a photo of us on a bike. I forget which one I am.'
'We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.'
'Grandma had hair like that before she went to sleep in her forever box.'
'If anyone asks, you were at the flower shop.'
'Homer, I think you've got the gun set on '****'.'
'Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.'
'This country is so historic. For all we know, Jesus could've given a talk in Conference Room C!'
'Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins the movie by telling you how it ends.'
'Wow! I've never been called an adult before, but i've been tried as one.'
'My theory is-Skinner likes dog food.'
'I am the Lizard Queen!'
'I'm in no condition to drive. Wait! I shouldn't listen to myself. I'm drunk!'
'If this is anyone other than Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!'
'Uh, hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.'
'I'm not popular enough to be different!'
'Boujooour, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!'
'Oh my god! Somebody's taken a bite of the big Rice Krispie square! Oh yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten.'
'If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.'
'You, sir, are an idiot.'
'I'm Santa? Oh, now i'll never die.'
'If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage.'
'Think of it as a wake up call from a man with nothin' but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Should not have used helium.'
'If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was better than anti-lock brakes.'
'I played hardball with Hollywood, the closest I will ever come to playing a sport in my life!'
'Book stores don't have answers, they just have creepy guys sitting in easy chairs at the end of hallways.'
'I only call you skum compared to Krusty.'
'We will not negotiate with terrorists. Is there a nearby city who will?'
'I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!'
'Oh, stupid movies. Who invented these dumb things, anyway?'
'Bingo? That's my favorite game! I just remember what to yell out when you win.'
'Gambling is a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe.'
'Silly customer. You cannot kill a Twinkie.'
'Hey, if you're getting loaded off those fumes, I'm gonna have to charge you.'
'Hey Bart, you epidermis is showing!'
'All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that all of you are probably used to.. but i'm not.'
'You gotta nuke somethin'
'Hamlet is not only a great play but it also became a great movie, called 'Ghostbusters'.'
'Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.'
'I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah!'
'We're not crying. We're vomiting through our eyes!'
'Please do not offer my god a peanut.'
'Your Honor, I call for a bad trial thingy.'
'Oh, a sarcasm detector. That's a REALLY useful invention.'
'Homer, a gun's not a toy. It's for protection or shooting dangerous or delicious animals.'
'How can I prove that we're live? Penis.'
'Is it a crime to want nice things and then steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? I think not.'
'Now I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his SKIMMER!'
'I'm in love... no,wait. It's a stroke.'

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