Television / 100 Simpsons Quotes

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Can you name the character who said these quotes?

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'That's Kabbala, jerk.'
'I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.'
'Hey, if you're getting loaded off those fumes, I'm gonna have to charge you.'
'Homer, your theory of a donut shaped universe is intriguing. I may have to steal it for a while.'
'I'm in love... no,wait. It's a stroke.'
'It's BTO. They're Canada's answer to ELP. Their biggest hit was TCB.'
'Bingo? That's my favorite game! I just remember what to yell out when you win.'
'Fire can be our friend, whether its toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.'
'Silly customer. You cannot kill a Twinkie.'
'I'm not popular enough to be different!'
'Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins the movie by telling you how it ends.'
'I played hardball with Hollywood, the closest I will ever come to playing a sport in my life!'
'Your Honor, I call for a bad trial thingy.'
'My theory is-Skinner likes dog food.'
'Hamlet is not only a great play but it also became a great movie, called 'Ghostbusters'.'
'Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!'
'They taste like burning...'
'Homer, I think you've got the gun set on '****'.'
'What kind of 10 year old boy has a tea set?'
'There's no shame in being a pariah.'
'I'll be bringin' spark plugs to chuck at people I don't like. Like you!'
'Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too.'
'Oh, a sarcasm detector. That's a REALLY useful invention.'
'You, sir, are an idiot.'
'A woman doctor? Now I've seen everything.'
'This place is nothing like Animal House! I smashed a beatnik's guitar and he sued me for damages!.'
'Ah, God. He's my favorite fictional character.'
'You call this a bicameral legislature?'
'Oh, we're going to be upstairs, making rope ladders in case of a fire.'
'Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister.'
'I don't get mad. I get stabby.'
'If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.'
'Don't make me run. I'm full of chocolate!'
'I'm in no condition to drive. Wait! I shouldn't listen to myself. I'm drunk!'
'Ahh, if it isn't my friend Mr. Mcgregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.'
'Sir, I got carsick in your office.'
'Uh, hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.'
'I love children, particularly their young supple organs.'
'Is it a crime to want nice things and then steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? I think not.'
'If anyone asks, you were at the flower shop.'
'We're not crying. We're vomiting through our eyes!'
'If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was better than anti-lock brakes.'
'Oh my god! Somebody's taken a bite of the big Rice Krispie square! Oh yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten.'
'I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.'
'I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!'
'This country is so historic. For all we know, Jesus could've given a talk in Conference Room C!'
'Please do not offer my god a peanut.'
'Book stores don't have answers, they just have creepy guys sitting in easy chairs at the end of hallways.'
'Um, excuse me, sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchuks?'
'How can I prove that we're live? Penis.'
'Now I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his SKIMMER!'
'If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage.'
'You remind me of the monkey man who killed my father's chickens.'
'We will not negotiate with terrorists. Is there a nearby city who will?'
'And now in the spirit of the season, start shopping.'
'Enclosed is a photo of us on a bike. I forget which one I am.'
'Oh, boy. Looks like suicide again for me.'
'Hello, St. Louis!!'
'I'm a furniture!'
'Grandma had hair like that before she went to sleep in her forever box.'
'Oh, stupid movies. Who invented these dumb things, anyway?'
'I wished we lived in a place like the America of yesteryear that exists only in the mind of us Republicans.'
'There's nothing like an unfurnished basement for maximum comfort.'
'I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah!'
'I think we'd all be better off if every country had its own planet.'
'You sunk my scrabbleship!'
'I only call you skum compared to Krusty.'
'If this is anyone other than Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!'
'I'm Santa? Oh, now i'll never die.'
'Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?'
'Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.'
'I demand to speak to my paleontologist.'
'Boujooour, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!'
'Think of it as a wake up call from a man with nothin' but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Should not have used helium.'
'Hey Bart, you epidermis is showing!'
'Well, he's kind of had it in for me since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace the word 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'.
'It's not enough to want the cracker. You have to earn it.'
'Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards?'
'I got sprayed by a skunk. Let me rub it off on your sweaters.'
'I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.'
'Miss Simpson, do you find anything funny about the word 'tromboner'?'
'Who'd thought a nuclear reactor would be so complicated?'
'Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, and idiot, a pig, and a communist, but he is not a porn star!'
'Gambling is a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe.'
'You gotta nuke somethin'
'All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that all of you are probably used to.. but i'm not.'
'We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.'
'I don't want my last words to him to be 'cut your toenails, they look like Fritos'.'
'Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.'
'Ah, the joys of mortgaging your future.'
'Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.'
'Wow! I've never been called an adult before, but i've been tried as one.'
'Our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.'
'I am the Lizard Queen!'
'I don't think real checks have exclamation points.'
'We don't believe fur is murder, but paying for it sure is.'
'my eye! I'm not supposed to get jigs in it!'
'Boys don't have feelings, they have muscles!'
'Homer, a gun's not a toy. It's for protection or shooting dangerous or delicious animals.'

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