100 Simpsons Quotes

Random Television or The Simpsons Quiz

Can you name the character who said these quotes?

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'I'm in no condition to drive. Wait! I shouldn't listen to myself. I'm drunk!'
'We're not crying. We're vomiting through our eyes!'
'Oh, stupid movies. Who invented these dumb things, anyway?'
'Hey, if you're getting loaded off those fumes, I'm gonna have to charge you.'
'You, sir, are an idiot.'
'There's no shame in being a pariah.'
'Oh, we're going to be upstairs, making love...ly rope ladders in case of a fire.'
'I don't get mad. I get stabby.'
'My theory is-Skinner likes dog food.'
'I don't want my last words to him to be 'cut your toenails, they look like Fritos'.'
'Think of it as a wake up call from a man with nothin' but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Should not have used helium.'
'If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was better than anti-lock brakes.'
'You sunk my scrabbleship!'
'You call this a bicameral legislature?'
'We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.'
'All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that all of you are probably used to.. but i'm not.'
'That's Kabbala, jerk.'
'Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, and idiot, a pig, and a communist, but he is not a porn star!'
'my eye! I'm not supposed to get jigs in it!'
'Homer, I think you've got the gun set on '****'.'
'Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too.'
'Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins the movie by telling you how it ends.'
'Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards?'
'Ah, the joys of mortgaging your future.'
'Oh, boy. Looks like suicide again for me.'
'I am the Lizard Queen!'
'Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.'
'I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.'
'We don't believe fur is murder, but paying for it sure is.'
'Your Honor, I call for a bad trial thingy.'
'Oh, a sarcasm detector. That's a REALLY useful invention.'
'I'm not popular enough to be different!'
'I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.'
'I'm in love... no,wait. It's a stroke.'
'Uh, hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.'
'Miss Simpson, do you find anything funny about the word 'tromboner'?'
'There's nothing like an unfurnished basement for maximum comfort.'
'Silly customer. You cannot kill a Twinkie.'
'I only call you skum compared to Krusty.'
'I wished we lived in a place like the America of yesteryear that exists only in the mind of us Republicans.'
'Please do not offer my god a peanut.'
'Enclosed is a photo of us on a bike. I forget which one I am.'
'I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah!'
'Is it a crime to want nice things and then steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? I think not.'
'I demand to speak to my paleontologist.'
'I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.'
'Wow! I've never been called an adult before, but i've been tried as one.'
'I'm Santa? Oh, now i'll never die.'
'Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!'
'Homer, a gun's not a toy. It's for protection or shooting dangerous or delicious animals.'
'I don't think real checks have exclamation points.'
'Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?'
'Hamlet is not only a great play but it also became a great movie, called 'Ghostbusters'.'
'Fire can be our friend, whether its toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.'
'Book stores don't have answers, they just have creepy guys sitting in easy chairs at the end of hallways.'
'Hey Bart, you epidermis is showing!'
'Ahh, if it isn't my friend Mr. Mcgregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.'
'Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.'
'How can I prove that we're live? Penis.'
'Sir, I got carsick in your office.'
'This place is nothing like Animal House! I smashed a beatnik's guitar and he sued me for damages!.'
'And now in the spirit of the season, start shopping.'
'Don't make me run. I'm full of chocolate!'
'I think we'd all be better off if every country had its own planet.'
'I'll be bringin' spark plugs to chuck at people I don't like. Like you!'
'A woman doctor? Now I've seen everything.'
'Ah, God. He's my favorite fictional character.'
'Grandma had hair like that before she went to sleep in her forever box.'
'Boys don't have feelings, they have muscles!'
'I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!'
'If this is anyone other than Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!'
'Hello, St. Louis!!'
'Gambling is a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe.'
'Um, excuse me, sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchuks?'
'Who'd thought a nuclear reactor would be so complicated?'
'If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.'
'Now I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his SKIMMER!'
'Bingo? That's my favorite game! I just remember what to yell out when you win.'
'I'm a furniture!'
'If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage.'
'It's BTO. They're Canada's answer to ELP. Their biggest hit was TCB.'
'Boujooour, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!'
'You remind me of the monkey man who killed my father's chickens.'
'They taste like burning...'
'If anyone asks, you were at the flower shop.'
'Our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.'
'It's not enough to want the cracker. You have to earn it.'
'You gotta nuke somethin'
'Oh my god! Somebody's taken a bite of the big Rice Krispie square! Oh yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten.'
'Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.'
'I played hardball with Hollywood, the closest I will ever come to playing a sport in my life!'
'This country is so historic. For all we know, Jesus could've given a talk in Conference Room C!'
'We will not negotiate with terrorists. Is there a nearby city who will?'
'Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister.'
'I got sprayed by a skunk. Let me rub it off on your sweaters.'
'What kind of 10 year old boy has a tea set?'
'Homer, your theory of a donut shaped universe is intriguing. I may have to steal it for a while.'
'Well, he's kind of had it in for me since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace the word 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'.
'I love children, particularly their young supple organs.'

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