100 Simpsons Quotes

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Can you name the character who said these quotes?

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'If this is anyone other than Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!'
'I'm not popular enough to be different!'
'If you ask me, Muhammad Ali, in his prime, was better than anti-lock brakes.'
'I'm Santa? Oh, now i'll never die.'
'And now in the spirit of the season, start shopping.'
'I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missour-ah!'
'Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister.'
'Ah, the joys of mortgaging your future.'
'I don't get mad. I get stabby.'
'Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.'
'How can I prove that we're live? Penis.'
'If anyone asks, you were at the flower shop.'
'I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!'
'It's BTO. They're Canada's answer to ELP. Their biggest hit was TCB.'
'I got sprayed by a skunk. Let me rub it off on your sweaters.'
'I don't think real checks have exclamation points.'
'Who would've guessed reading and writing would pay off?'
'Hamlet is not only a great play but it also became a great movie, called 'Ghostbusters'.'
'We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.'
'Miss Simpson, do you find anything funny about the word 'tromboner'?'
'Your Honor, I call for a bad trial thingy.'
'I played hardball with Hollywood, the closest I will ever come to playing a sport in my life!'
'That's Kabbala, jerk.'
'Um, excuse me, sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchuks?'
'This place is nothing like Animal House! I smashed a beatnik's guitar and he sued me for damages!.'
'Oh, a sarcasm detector. That's a REALLY useful invention.'
'If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.'
'We will not negotiate with terrorists. Is there a nearby city who will?'
'Please do not offer my god a peanut.'
'There's nothing like an unfurnished basement for maximum comfort.'
'A woman doctor? Now I've seen everything.'
'Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.'
'I think we'd all be better off if every country had its own planet.'
'Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards?'
'You sunk my scrabbleship!'
'We're not crying. We're vomiting through our eyes!'
'Book stores don't have answers, they just have creepy guys sitting in easy chairs at the end of hallways.'
'Ah, God. He's my favorite fictional character.'
'It's not enough to want the cracker. You have to earn it.'
'Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!'
'This country is so historic. For all we know, Jesus could've given a talk in Conference Room C!'
'What kind of 10 year old boy has a tea set?'
'Homer, a gun's not a toy. It's for protection or shooting dangerous or delicious animals.'
'Ahh, if it isn't my friend Mr. Mcgregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.'
'You gotta nuke somethin'
'I demand to speak to my paleontologist.'
'I wished we lived in a place like the America of yesteryear that exists only in the mind of us Republicans.'
'my eye! I'm not supposed to get jigs in it!'
'Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins the movie by telling you how it ends.'
'They taste like burning...'
'My theory is-Skinner likes dog food.'
'Is it a crime to want nice things and then steal them from a public museum where any gum-chewing monkey in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? I think not.'
'I love children, particularly their young supple organs.'
'Enclosed is a photo of us on a bike. I forget which one I am.'
'Homer, your theory of a donut shaped universe is intriguing. I may have to steal it for a while.'
'Hey, if you're getting loaded off those fumes, I'm gonna have to charge you.'
'I'll be bringin' spark plugs to chuck at people I don't like. Like you!'
'Homer, I think you've got the gun set on '****'.'
'I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.'
'Wow! I've never been called an adult before, but i've been tried as one.'
'I only call you skum compared to Krusty.'
'We don't believe fur is murder, but paying for it sure is.'
'Oh, stupid movies. Who invented these dumb things, anyway?'
'Boujooour, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!'
'Don't make me run. I'm full of chocolate!'
'You remind me of the monkey man who killed my father's chickens.'
'Hey Bart, you epidermis is showing!'
'Sir, I got carsick in your office.'
'Silly customer. You cannot kill a Twinkie.'
'I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels.'
'Hey, we're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the depression, too.'
'There's no shame in being a pariah.'
'I'm in love... no,wait. It's a stroke.'
'Gambling is a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe.'
'Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, and idiot, a pig, and a communist, but he is not a porn star!'
'Well, he's kind of had it in for me since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace the word 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'.
'All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that all of you are probably used to.. but i'm not.'
'Bingo? That's my favorite game! I just remember what to yell out when you win.'
'Oh, we're going to be upstairs, making love...ly rope ladders in case of a fire.'
'I don't want my last words to him to be 'cut your toenails, they look like Fritos'.'
'Think of it as a wake up call from a man with nothin' but a blow-up doll. And even she left me. Should not have used helium.'
'I am the Lizard Queen!'
'You, sir, are an idiot.'
'If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage.'
'Boys don't have feelings, they have muscles!'
'Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.'
'I'm in no condition to drive. Wait! I shouldn't listen to myself. I'm drunk!'
'Oh my god! Somebody's taken a bite of the big Rice Krispie square! Oh yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten.'
'Who'd thought a nuclear reactor would be so complicated?'
'Grandma had hair like that before she went to sleep in her forever box.'
'I'm a furniture!'
'Our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.'
'Uh, hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.'
'Hello, St. Louis!!'
'Now I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his SKIMMER!'
'Oh, boy. Looks like suicide again for me.'
'I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.'
'Fire can be our friend, whether its toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.'
'You call this a bicameral legislature?'

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