One day, kids will wonder who'd win in a fight: me or Superman. Of course I can't beat Superman, but you know, kids are stupid.

I can't have TWO cats! Joey's the kind of guy who could have two cats.

I’m just a big potato with arms, and legs, and a head.

Naah, I crapped out, but Mr. 21 over here he cleans up, 300 bucks, check it out he buys me these new shoes, sweet huh?

If you say yes then I'm serious, if you say no then I'm joking!

Excuse me, the only thing I can’t have is dairy!

Yeah, that’s what I drive. I make four bucks an hour, I saved up for 350 years!

Oops! I did not mean to run into you like that sir.

Oh what I wouldn’t give to be that can of condensed milk.

Dude, I screwed up, you don’t have to turn me in!

Step away from the duck.

Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.

Nice moustache by the way. When puberty hits that thing's really gonna kick in.

There are rats in the basement that are hanging themselves.

Look at this plate-bouncy thing. What an inspired solution to man’s plate dispensing problems.

'Days of Our Lives'! That's why you look so familiar!

Nobody cares about the Dakotas.

I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!

Oh, you know what? This is nothing. My father is a raging alcoholic.

Alright, but after this I want to see you outside. If the rain stops.

Look at that: still in character, I like it… I plant seeds I can't explain.

You're stomping. It's disturbing my birds.

Hey, I wonder if you can see my apartment from up here.

It’s been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.