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Going to practice today. FML.
Found out that I lost my job while I was at the buffet. People keep comparing me to Ryan Leaf!
Eliminated from playoffs today. Americans still hate me, especially ones in Pennsylvania.
We were eliminated from the playoffs today. But since I'm the best player on the only good team in town, people still love me!
Turned 41 today. I hate newspapers.
Man I feel sorry for Ben Roethlisberger. Just buy em a ring and they'll get over it!
Work out?! Please, I make $100 million I can just buy muscles!
Applied for a job with the Patriots today. Denied. Something about a catch I made against them in the Super Bowl.
Dammit, injured AGAIN!! I wanna be with my wife, so 2 can become 1.
Boxers or briefs today. I hate making decisions. I'll just go commando.
People of my sport really love me! Even if I've only won 1 race in the last 3 years.
So we hired Pacman Jones. Now I have to coach ANOTHER player with a record....FML.
My son got fired today. That's what happens when you miss the playoffs and hope you can win a game.
Got arrested today. I can break the law as well as I do Redskin's Quarterbacks legs.
Cooking fish today! Inviting Kobe over so he can tell me how my bass tastes.
Anybody know a good auto body shop? Gotta replace a window.....
Moving away from Massachusetts. You let one ball get away from you and the whole world hates you!!
Fishing today! Caught a flounder...it was what I thought it was, so I let it off the hook.
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