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Cooking fish today! Inviting Kobe over so he can tell me how my bass tastes.
Dammit, injured AGAIN!! I wanna be with my wife, so 2 can become 1.
Found out that I lost my job while I was at the buffet. People keep comparing me to Ryan Leaf!
Boxers or briefs today. I hate making decisions. I'll just go commando.
Applied for a job with the Patriots today. Denied. Something about a catch I made against them in the Super Bowl.
Anybody know a good auto body shop? Gotta replace a window.....
Eliminated from playoffs today. Americans still hate me, especially ones in Pennsylvania.
We were eliminated from the playoffs today. But since I'm the best player on the only good team in town, people still love me!
People of my sport really love me! Even if I've only won 1 race in the last 3 years.
Fishing today! Caught a flounder...it was what I thought it was, so I let it off the hook.
So we hired Pacman Jones. Now I have to coach ANOTHER player with a record....FML.
Work out?! Please, I make $100 million I can just buy muscles!
Turned 41 today. I hate newspapers.
Got arrested today. I can break the law as well as I do Redskin's Quarterbacks legs.
Going to practice today. FML.
Man I feel sorry for Ben Roethlisberger. Just buy em a ring and they'll get over it!
My son got fired today. That's what happens when you miss the playoffs and hope you can win a game.
Moving away from Massachusetts. You let one ball get away from you and the whole world hates you!!
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