Demetri Martin Jokes

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Can you name the word(s) missing from these jokes by Demetri Martin?

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JokeWord(s)
Demetri Martin. ___.
If I ever saw an ___ being hanged, I would just yell out letters.
[shows a circle on his Large Pad] This is a pie chart about ___.
By the way, if you want to sound like a creep, just add ___ to the end of things that you say. It could be harmless, too, it doesn't matter. Like, thanks for coming to my show- ___
I remember when I used to really be into ___.
She showed me to the dressing room. She said, 'If you need anything, I'm Jill.' I was like, oh my God, I've never met a woman before with a ___ ___.
One time, I bought a cactus. Two weeks later, it died. I was like, damn. I'm less nurturing than a ___.
To me, ___ is a confusing sport. Because sometimes you do it for fun, but other times you do it to not die.
I think it's interesting that ___ rhymes with alone.
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the ___. Because one time I was riding the ___ and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
I think ___ ___ ___ ___ is a good example of a time when a person can be a winner and a loser at the same time.
I learned something on the road, travelling. The easier it is to draw the shape of the ___, the harder it is to live in that ___.
One time I saw two geese fighting, and I was like, this is a ___ ___ ahead of time.
These are new ___, and they have pockets, which is great, cause before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept.
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of ___. Especially if your teammates are bad guessers.
I wanna buy a bunch of ___ ___ and make them live together. People are gonna say, are those ___ ___? and I'm gonna say, not anymore!
This summer, I learned at a party that there's a small but important difference between peeing in the ___, and peeing into the ___.
I think they named oranges before they named ___. What are these? They're orange.... oranges. What about about these? Oh crap... long pointies?
JokeWord(s)
I love playing guitar, I find it very relaxing, you know. I actually started with guitar quite a while ago, as a street performer. It was hard, cause I was in the ___.
How long is it going to take in our society to see a person with an ___ and not to think that they're a pirate?
I bought a dictionary. The first thing I did was look up the word ___. It said, you're an a**hole.
___ are the most dramatic objects. Other things stop working or they break, but ___, they die.
___ ___ is an example of something I would buy, but not want to have as a nickname.
I like to do crafts. I work quite a bit with glitter. Don't worry, I make tough things like ___ and ___.
When they were naming the animals, someone got lazy. ___?
I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those ___ ___ ___.
This summer, I wanna go the beach and bury metal objects that say '___ ___ ___' on them.
A ___ ___ is when you sleep on someone who's weaker than you.
I went ___ ___ once. It was very similar to watching people on a boat become disappointed.
I want to put stickers on ___. I don't know why. I just know I wanna put them on them. They're the best kind of animal for advertising your band in mother nature.
I have a time machine at home. It only goes forward at regular speed. It's essentially a ___ ___ and on the outside I wrote 'time machine' in sharpie.
How fast does a ___ have to run before it looks gray?
Now I've met many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We've got an epidemic people. People who love chocolate and don't understand the rules of ___ ___.
They call it ___, but they should call it what it really is- tricking and killing.
___ ___ is a very different game when the people playing are starving.
Cinnamon buns, on the other hand...

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