| Quote | Character | Speaking to... |
| 'I'll have you know I have my P.H.D.!' | |
| 'What he doesn't know won't hurt him.' | |
| 'No! Not the children!' | |
| 'You know what? There's someone out there for everyone... I wouldn't even sweat it.' | |
| 'Don't make me take you to the carpet!' | |
| 'Of course he doesn't want anything to do with us after you kicked him in the nads!' | |
| 'We're hiring Dakota Stanely.' | |
| 'I feel sorry for my (parents) because they'll probably have to dip into my college fund to pay for intense thearpy...' | |
| 'I don't know what's gonna happen in the future I just know that... I wanna spend more time with you now...' | |
| 'All the great actresses take their clothes off.' | |