| First Line | Character | |
| 'Actually, I'm studying cartography now, the mapping of uncharted territories.' | |
| 'I guess it's time for me to mosey on.' | |
| 'This is Michael Bluth.' | |
| 'Bye you guys! Really great to see you again!' | |
| 'Oh, I'm sorry, I'm falling all over you!' | |
| 'Breakfast?' | |
| 'I would kiss before I spoke.' | |
| '...even minor crimes were punishable by brutally chopping off the offender's hand.' | |
| 'You can't just comb that out and reset it?' | |
| 'Michael! How are you?' | |
| 'Well, I'm a professional. I'm serious, and I'm a professional.' | |
| 'Five pounds for each year of my life!' | |
| 'Good grief, mother. Not all homosexuals are flamboy... Oh my God! I have the exact same blouse!' | |
| 'Don’t get up. Oh, I just-a find-a the supplies because I’m a...' | |
| 'Can I tell you something, my man?' | |
| 'Look what they've done, Michael.' | |
| 'I'm so sorry. It was a client.' | |
| 'Oh wait! What time is it?' | |
| 'Um, yeah... I bought a frozen banana, and when I bit into it, I found this.' | |
| 'I'll get my gear.' | |
| 'Lucille? Lucille! Are you something, showing up here without your husband!' | |
| 'Illusion, Michael. Trick is something a w**** does for money.' | |
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