Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes

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Can you name the Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes?

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QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
No, sweetie, I am the magics.
[1] Oh my god, are you twelve? [2] I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide.
That is such a twinkie defense.
[1] Ow! Watch it, that's my joystick hand. [2] I'm not gonna touch that one.
[1] We're safe. Right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. [2] I-It sounded convincing when I thought it.
We should try shouting 'fire'. It's not technically a crowded theater.
That's not true. Sometimes we all help to save you...And-and sometimes you're not in trouble.
Shh! Hospital zone. No singing.
[1] I'm guessing on how you say it. It's got an apostrophe. I think it's MmmFashnik. Like 'Mmm... cookies!'. [2] Or maybe, Muh-Fashnik. Like Muh... Fashnik.
[1] What if you just start attracting male demons? [2] Clem always liked you.
All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.
[1] How's evil taste? [2] A little chalky.
[1] I love a ritual sacrifice. [2] It's not really a one of those. [1] To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrific. With pie.
It's the end of the world.
Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch
Always walking around like you had a great big stake shoved up your English Channel.
I saw you in bed.
[1] And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer? [2] Foamy. [1] Good. Just as long as that's clear.
That blade is very old! Who knows what kind of corrosive effect your cooking may have on it?
[1] So, I took a look inside that emergency bag of Principal Wood's. [2] And? [1] Smelled weird. Kinda like Grandma's closet, but worse. [2] I didn't know that was possible.
You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook. I love you. Go away.
Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power than this.
Who you gonna call? [gets a look from *Buffy*] God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were.
I'm not stealing. I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that called stealing?
To read makes our speaking English good.
Why not just try all 32 flavors?
Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
[1] Um, why is that guy tied to a chair? [2] The question you'll soon be asking is, 'Why isn't he gagged?'
A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
Well, first you say it's cat. Then you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later, 'Oh, by the way, it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh'?
[1] Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow. [2] We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.
[1] What are you? [2] Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You? [1] Sorry. Came out a little blunter than intended.
People may say something like, 'My protein window closes in an hour'. Just... nod and smile. 'Mm-hmm.' Turns out it has something to do with fitness.
Oh, yes, no. He's no lounger, this one.
And how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium?
[1] There's an old conjuration that the ancient Turks used to communicate with the dying. [2] Oh, yeah. I think I've read a translation?
We do not joke about eating people in this house!
[1] Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye all warm and safe where nothing can eat you? [2] Is that supposed to scare me? [1] Little tremble wouldn't hurt.
There's blood on this. Lots. Looks like The First made another sacrifice. Or a music video.
His physical presence has a penis!
[1] Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend. [2] Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.
You're a bloody puppet!
Are you saying we should start annoying other people?
And there's something else you should know about me. I have no problem spanking men.
My sodden sleeping chair's bloody...sodden.
[1] This could be trouble. [2] We'd better make a fort. [1] I'll get some pillows.
Because it's a killer snot monster from outerspace. I did not say that.
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
Handsome man saved me from the monsters.
I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.
Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?
[1] We'll get ya fixed up. You'll be doin' limbo in no time. [2] Yeah as a pole!
[1] I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey! [2] Check. No more butt monkey
It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball.
Ass-pansy!
Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're waking up on fire
[1] I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. You know what I've never noticed before? [2] Uh, a castle? [1] A big, honkin' castle.
[1] For God's sakes, *name*! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing? [2] Entertaining and educating. [1] Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
[1] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! 4x5 is 30. 5x6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women! And naked *name*! Oh, stop me! [2] God, *name*. Is that all you t
[1] So what do we do? [2] Easy. We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire. Pretty.
[1] Potential Slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes. [2] I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you... I'm bored.
Your body warms. This one is lusting after me.
[1] Right. You can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect...(book catches fire) [2] *Name*, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain!
[1] Everyone else is being all twitchy and secretive. [2] They're just trying to keep you safe, I expect. [1] I feel safe with you. [2] Take that back!
[1] Hey, I eat danger for breakfast. [2] But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.
Ugh, well, that's gonna go straight to my hips.
Very Juice Newton.
She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.
Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.
No such animal.
Danced with is a pretty loose term. Mated with might be a little closer.
Put me on the short bus, and send me off to clueless school.
We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.
He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub.
Um. I have a really bad idea.
Oh penis!
My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.
That'll put marzipan in your pie plate bingo.
[1] Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone. [2] So what? [1] It's my bone! Just drop it.
...but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?
[1] W-What if this is all part of the plan? Drive you guys away so It can have Its way with me? E-Ev-Ever think of that? [2] I'll risk it.
Why not call me Horny Giles or Desperate For a Shag Giles?!
Schpadoinkle.
Spank us till Tuesday.
How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
[1] A bear! You made a bear! [2] I didn't mean to. [1] Undo it! Undo it!
Anya's going to try to cook. Want to watch the tears and recriminations?
He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.
[1] If you want him, you're going to have to go through me! [2] Okey dokey.
[1]Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik! [2] 'Cause I can't say Glarba...
Thank God we're pretty.
Hello salty goodness.
You're right. He's evil. But you should see him naked! I mean really!
One of us has been drinking, and I'm sorry to say it's not me
Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains, and...
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire Cowboy. Vampire Fireman? Oh, Vampire Ballerina!
Two men enter. One man leaves.
I left my bra in his car.
[1] I don't know. Xander said... [2] Xander? Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia.
[1] See, that's why we don't point the weapons in the kitchen. [2] It's not loaded. [1] That's always the lead quote under the headline, 'Household Crossbow Accident Claims Teen.'
I think Mr. Too-Much-Cologne is the pot calling the kettle stinky.
Then stop flexing your manly boob-muscles or whatever.
Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.
Hey that's cheating!
Party in my eye socket and everyone's invited.
[1] In all fairness, I don't think we know about the slithered part. [2] Oh no, I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.
[1] There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis. [2] Pfft. Nothing can defeat the penis.
And one world with nothing but shrimp... I tired of that one quickly.
Oh yeah? Says who? [looks at sign] Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.
You filthy harlot! I'm gonna tear your neck out!
Right. What's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies?
[1] Something's eating Xander's head. [2] Say, that's gratifying.
I may be love's bitch but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
'I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?' Or terrified. Whatever.
[1] Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. [2] Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed!
Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication?
Too bad we'll never know...if this is a face you could learn to love.
Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated.
Well, there you go. Even when he's good he's all Mr. Billowy Coat King of Pain.
[1] Touchdown! Go Team Me! [2] Did anyone tell Team You your Quarterback throws like a girl? [1] I do?
I think he wants to make me his butt monkey.
Someone needs a hug.
I watched 'Passions' with Spike. Let us never speak of it again.
[1] I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious. [2] Alright, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat. [1] And don't you forget it.
[1] Where's my burger? [2] Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me.
[1] Guys. Take a moment to deal with this. We survived. [2] It was a hell of a battle. [1] Not the battle. High school.
It eats you starting with your bottom.
[1] No pulse. [2] Yup. Space lamb got him.
Your shirt...
[Talking about Warren] She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next.
[1] Come on. Who's the man? [2] You are. A very short, annoying man.
That's a weird place for a horn...That's not a horn.
[1]What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay. [2] What?
Everybody loves a slender ankle.
Anchovies anchovies you're so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes.
I smell a fox in my henhouse.
Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.
[1] These spells, these really work? I mean, can you really 'turn your enemies inside out'? Or 'learn to excrete gold coins'? [2] That one's not so much fun.
You mean he actually says Eureka?
[1]Now all we gotta do is trap this Übervamp in the pantry, and it's game over. [2]*name*, newbies. Let's ease them into the whole 'jokes in the face of death' thing.
So pretty. Can I have one?
I don't think you'll want it, but you'll take it, because this is the offer of a lifetime...Just not, you know, mine.
[1] So she's like a TV star? [2] No, nothing that bad. Bit more violent, though.

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