Television / Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes

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Can you name the Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes?

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QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
[1] Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend. [2] Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.
[1] So, I took a look inside that emergency bag of Principal Wood's. [2] And? [1] Smelled weird. Kinda like Grandma's closet, but worse. [2] I didn't know that was possible.
How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
To read makes our speaking English good.
It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball.
Danced with is a pretty loose term. Mated with might be a little closer.
[1] Oh my god, are you twelve? [2] I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide.
Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain!
Oh penis!
[1] Everyone else is being all twitchy and secretive. [2] They're just trying to keep you safe, I expect. [1] I feel safe with you. [2] Take that back!
A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
No such animal.
All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.
You're a bloody puppet!
Oh yeah? Says who? [looks at sign] Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.
It eats you starting with your bottom.
Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
I don't think you'll want it, but you'll take it, because this is the offer of a lifetime...Just not, you know, mine.
[1] These spells, these really work? I mean, can you really 'turn your enemies inside out'? Or 'learn to excrete gold coins'? [2] That one's not so much fun.
[1] Where's my burger? [2] Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me.
Very Juice Newton.
[1] What are you? [2] Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You? [1] Sorry. Came out a little blunter than intended.
Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed!
[1] There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis. [2] Pfft. Nothing can defeat the penis.
[1] I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey! [2] Check. No more butt monkey
I think Mr. Too-Much-Cologne is the pot calling the kettle stinky.
Someone needs a hug.
[1] Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow. [2] We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.
Who you gonna call? [gets a look from *Buffy*] God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
We should try shouting 'fire'. It's not technically a crowded theater.
[1] I don't know. Xander said... [2] Xander? Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia.
And there's something else you should know about me. I have no problem spanking men.
[1] There's an old conjuration that the ancient Turks used to communicate with the dying. [2] Oh, yeah. I think I've read a translation?
I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.
We do not joke about eating people in this house!
[1] Guys. Take a moment to deal with this. We survived. [2] It was a hell of a battle. [1] Not the battle. High school.
Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch
[1] See, that's why we don't point the weapons in the kitchen. [2] It's not loaded. [1] That's always the lead quote under the headline, 'Household Crossbow Accident Claims Teen.'
Because it's a killer snot monster from outerspace. I did not say that.
One of us has been drinking, and I'm sorry to say it's not me
Why not just try all 32 flavors?
[1]Now all we gotta do is trap this Übervamp in the pantry, and it's game over. [2]*name*, newbies. Let's ease them into the whole 'jokes in the face of death' thing.
I left my bra in his car.
You filthy harlot! I'm gonna tear your neck out!
Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're waking up on fire
Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?
That blade is very old! Who knows what kind of corrosive effect your cooking may have on it?
That is such a twinkie defense.
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
Then stop flexing your manly boob-muscles or whatever.
I think he wants to make me his butt monkey.
People may say something like, 'My protein window closes in an hour'. Just... nod and smile. 'Mm-hmm.' Turns out it has something to do with fitness.
That's a weird place for a horn...That's not a horn.
[1] Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. [2] Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
And how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium?
[1] No pulse. [2] Yup. Space lamb got him.
Shh! Hospital zone. No singing.
A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
[1] In all fairness, I don't think we know about the slithered part. [2] Oh no, I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.
[1] We'll get ya fixed up. You'll be doin' limbo in no time. [2] Yeah as a pole!
[1] And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer? [2] Foamy. [1] Good. Just as long as that's clear.
You're right. He's evil. But you should see him naked! I mean really!
[1] I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious. [2] Alright, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat. [1] And don't you forget it.
[1]What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay. [2] What?
[1] A bear! You made a bear! [2] I didn't mean to. [1] Undo it! Undo it!
Well, first you say it's cat. Then you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later, 'Oh, by the way, it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh'?
[1] Hey, I eat danger for breakfast. [2] But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.
Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power than this.
[1] For God's sakes, *name*! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing? [2] Entertaining and educating. [1] Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains, and...
Anchovies anchovies you're so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes.
And one world with nothing but shrimp... I tired of that one quickly.
Party in my eye socket and everyone's invited.
No, sweetie, I am the magics.
[1] Something's eating Xander's head. [2] Say, that's gratifying.
Anya's going to try to cook. Want to watch the tears and recriminations?
'I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?' Or terrified. Whatever.
You mean he actually says Eureka?
...but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?
Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.
My sodden sleeping chair's bloody...sodden.
I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were.
I may be love's bitch but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
[1] Come on. Who's the man? [2] You are. A very short, annoying man.
Well, there you go. Even when he's good he's all Mr. Billowy Coat King of Pain.
[1] Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone. [2] So what? [1] It's my bone! Just drop it.
I'm not stealing. I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that called stealing?
[1] Right. You can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect...(book catches fire) [2] *Name*, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
[1] If you want him, you're going to have to go through me! [2] Okey dokey.
We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.
There's blood on this. Lots. Looks like The First made another sacrifice. Or a music video.
She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.
Everybody loves a slender ankle.
[1] W-What if this is all part of the plan? Drive you guys away so It can have Its way with me? E-Ev-Ever think of that? [2] I'll risk it.
You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook. I love you. Go away.
[1] So she's like a TV star? [2] No, nothing that bad. Bit more violent, though.
[1] I'm guessing on how you say it. It's got an apostrophe. I think it's MmmFashnik. Like 'Mmm... cookies!'. [2] Or maybe, Muh-Fashnik. Like Muh... Fashnik.
That'll put marzipan in your pie plate bingo.
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
Spank us till Tuesday.
Are you saying we should start annoying other people?
[1] Um, why is that guy tied to a chair? [2] The question you'll soon be asking is, 'Why isn't he gagged?'
Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated.
He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub.
[1] Ow! Watch it, that's my joystick hand. [2] I'm not gonna touch that one.
[1] We're safe. Right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. [2] I-It sounded convincing when I thought it.
[1] Potential Slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes. [2] I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you... I'm bored.
Why not call me Horny Giles or Desperate For a Shag Giles?!
So pretty. Can I have one?
[1] What if you just start attracting male demons? [2] Clem always liked you.
Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication?
I smell a fox in my henhouse.
[1] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! 4x5 is 30. 5x6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women! And naked *name*! Oh, stop me! [2] God, *name*. Is that all you t
[1]Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik! [2] 'Cause I can't say Glarba...
[1] Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye all warm and safe where nothing can eat you? [2] Is that supposed to scare me? [1] Little tremble wouldn't hurt.
Thank God we're pretty.
Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.
Handsome man saved me from the monsters.
Too bad we'll never know...if this is a face you could learn to love.
That's not true. Sometimes we all help to save you...And-and sometimes you're not in trouble.
[1] I love a ritual sacrifice. [2] It's not really a one of those. [1] To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrific. With pie.
[1] This could be trouble. [2] We'd better make a fort. [1] I'll get some pillows.
His physical presence has a penis!
Your body warms. This one is lusting after me.
I watched 'Passions' with Spike. Let us never speak of it again.
[Talking about Warren] She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next.
[1] So what do we do? [2] Easy. We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire. Pretty.
Your shirt...
You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.
It's the end of the world.
I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire Cowboy. Vampire Fireman? Oh, Vampire Ballerina!
Oh, yes, no. He's no lounger, this one.
[1] Touchdown! Go Team Me! [2] Did anyone tell Team You your Quarterback throws like a girl? [1] I do?
He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.
[1] How's evil taste? [2] A little chalky.
My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.
Always walking around like you had a great big stake shoved up your English Channel.
Put me on the short bus, and send me off to clueless school.
I saw you in bed.
Ugh, well, that's gonna go straight to my hips.
[1] I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. You know what I've never noticed before? [2] Uh, a castle? [1] A big, honkin' castle.
Two men enter. One man leaves.
Hey that's cheating!
Hello salty goodness.
Um. I have a really bad idea.
Right. What's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies?

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