Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes

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Can you name the Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes?

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QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
Danced with is a pretty loose term. Mated with might be a little closer.
[1] Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend. [2] Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.
I think Mr. Too-Much-Cologne is the pot calling the kettle stinky.
You mean he actually says Eureka?
Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.
Are you saying we should start annoying other people?
All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.
You filthy harlot! I'm gonna tear your neck out!
[1]Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik! [2] 'Cause I can't say Glarba...
Well, first you say it's cat. Then you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later, 'Oh, by the way, it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh'?
How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.
Your body warms. This one is lusting after me.
Shh! Hospital zone. No singing.
I smell a fox in my henhouse.
[1] These spells, these really work? I mean, can you really 'turn your enemies inside out'? Or 'learn to excrete gold coins'? [2] That one's not so much fun.
Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain!
I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were.
[1] I love a ritual sacrifice. [2] It's not really a one of those. [1] To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrific. With pie.
That's not true. Sometimes we all help to save you...And-and sometimes you're not in trouble.
He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.
[1] In all fairness, I don't think we know about the slithered part. [2] Oh no, I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.
[1] Ow! Watch it, that's my joystick hand. [2] I'm not gonna touch that one.
Oh penis!
Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains, and...
[1] For God's sakes, *name*! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing? [2] Entertaining and educating. [1] Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
And how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium?
And there's something else you should know about me. I have no problem spanking men.
[1] There's an old conjuration that the ancient Turks used to communicate with the dying. [2] Oh, yeah. I think I've read a translation?
You're right. He's evil. But you should see him naked! I mean really!
Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?
Hello salty goodness.
[1] So she's like a TV star? [2] No, nothing that bad. Bit more violent, though.
[1] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! 4x5 is 30. 5x6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women! And naked *name*! Oh, stop me! [2] God, *name*. Is that all you t
Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're waking up on fire
I'm not stealing. I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that called stealing?
[1] Hey, I eat danger for breakfast. [2] But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.
...but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?
Two men enter. One man leaves.
Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
Spank us till Tuesday.
[1] No pulse. [2] Yup. Space lamb got him.
Ass-pansy!
You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook. I love you. Go away.
[1] There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis. [2] Pfft. Nothing can defeat the penis.
[1] Guys. Take a moment to deal with this. We survived. [2] It was a hell of a battle. [1] Not the battle. High school.
You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.
[1] Touchdown! Go Team Me! [2] Did anyone tell Team You your Quarterback throws like a girl? [1] I do?
[1] If you want him, you're going to have to go through me! [2] Okey dokey.
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
Your shirt...
Who you gonna call? [gets a look from *Buffy*] God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
Right. What's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies?
That blade is very old! Who knows what kind of corrosive effect your cooking may have on it?
[1] Potential Slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes. [2] I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you... I'm bored.
One of us has been drinking, and I'm sorry to say it's not me
Hey that's cheating!
She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.
[1] This could be trouble. [2] We'd better make a fort. [1] I'll get some pillows.
I saw you in bed.
[Talking about Warren] She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next.
[1] Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone. [2] So what? [1] It's my bone! Just drop it.
Put me on the short bus, and send me off to clueless school.
We should try shouting 'fire'. It's not technically a crowded theater.
To read makes our speaking English good.
Thank God we're pretty.
Anchovies anchovies you're so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes.
I may be love's bitch but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
[1] I don't know. Xander said... [2] Xander? Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia.
Ugh, well, that's gonna go straight to my hips.
[1] How's evil taste? [2] A little chalky.
[1] So what do we do? [2] Easy. We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire. Pretty.
Someone needs a hug.
Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication?
[1] A bear! You made a bear! [2] I didn't mean to. [1] Undo it! Undo it!
[1] Right. You can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect...(book catches fire) [2] *Name*, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
Anya's going to try to cook. Want to watch the tears and recriminations?
Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power than this.
[1] Something's eating Xander's head. [2] Say, that's gratifying.
[1] Come on. Who's the man? [2] You are. A very short, annoying man.
Oh yeah? Says who? [looks at sign] Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.
We do not joke about eating people in this house!
Always walking around like you had a great big stake shoved up your English Channel.
His physical presence has a penis!
That is such a twinkie defense.
So pretty. Can I have one?
Because it's a killer snot monster from outerspace. I did not say that.
Handsome man saved me from the monsters.
People may say something like, 'My protein window closes in an hour'. Just... nod and smile. 'Mm-hmm.' Turns out it has something to do with fitness.
I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire Cowboy. Vampire Fireman? Oh, Vampire Ballerina!
Party in my eye socket and everyone's invited.
[1] Oh my god, are you twelve? [2] I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide.
Everybody loves a slender ankle.
I watched 'Passions' with Spike. Let us never speak of it again.
[1] W-What if this is all part of the plan? Drive you guys away so It can have Its way with me? E-Ev-Ever think of that? [2] I'll risk it.
It's the end of the world.
[1] We'll get ya fixed up. You'll be doin' limbo in no time. [2] Yeah as a pole!
Well, there you go. Even when he's good he's all Mr. Billowy Coat King of Pain.
He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub.
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
It eats you starting with your bottom.
No such animal.
Why not just try all 32 flavors?
Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated.
Then stop flexing your manly boob-muscles or whatever.
I left my bra in his car.
[1] Um, why is that guy tied to a chair? [2] The question you'll soon be asking is, 'Why isn't he gagged?'
'I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?' Or terrified. Whatever.
Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed!
[1] What if you just start attracting male demons? [2] Clem always liked you.
It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball.
[1] Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. [2] Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
[1] What are you? [2] Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You? [1] Sorry. Came out a little blunter than intended.
My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.
That's a weird place for a horn...That's not a horn.
[1] Where's my burger? [2] Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me.
[1] I'm guessing on how you say it. It's got an apostrophe. I think it's MmmFashnik. Like 'Mmm... cookies!'. [2] Or maybe, Muh-Fashnik. Like Muh... Fashnik.
A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
Very Juice Newton.
A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
That'll put marzipan in your pie plate bingo.
I think he wants to make me his butt monkey.
And one world with nothing but shrimp... I tired of that one quickly.
[1] So, I took a look inside that emergency bag of Principal Wood's. [2] And? [1] Smelled weird. Kinda like Grandma's closet, but worse. [2] I didn't know that was possible.
[1] Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye all warm and safe where nothing can eat you? [2] Is that supposed to scare me? [1] Little tremble wouldn't hurt.
No, sweetie, I am the magics.
We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.
You're a bloody puppet!
[1] I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey! [2] Check. No more butt monkey
Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.
Schpadoinkle.
[1]What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay. [2] What?
There's blood on this. Lots. Looks like The First made another sacrifice. Or a music video.
My sodden sleeping chair's bloody...sodden.
[1] And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer? [2] Foamy. [1] Good. Just as long as that's clear.
Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
[1] I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. You know what I've never noticed before? [2] Uh, a castle? [1] A big, honkin' castle.
[1] We're safe. Right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. [2] I-It sounded convincing when I thought it.
Oh, yes, no. He's no lounger, this one.
[1] See, that's why we don't point the weapons in the kitchen. [2] It's not loaded. [1] That's always the lead quote under the headline, 'Household Crossbow Accident Claims Teen.'
Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch
Why not call me Horny Giles or Desperate For a Shag Giles?!
[1]Now all we gotta do is trap this Übervamp in the pantry, and it's game over. [2]*name*, newbies. Let's ease them into the whole 'jokes in the face of death' thing.
I don't think you'll want it, but you'll take it, because this is the offer of a lifetime...Just not, you know, mine.
[1] I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious. [2] Alright, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat. [1] And don't you forget it.
[1] Everyone else is being all twitchy and secretive. [2] They're just trying to keep you safe, I expect. [1] I feel safe with you. [2] Take that back!
[1] Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow. [2] We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.
Too bad we'll never know...if this is a face you could learn to love.
Um. I have a really bad idea.

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