Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes

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Can you name the Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes?

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QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
I think he wants to make me his butt monkey.
You mean he actually says Eureka?
We should try shouting 'fire'. It's not technically a crowded theater.
[1] I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey! [2] Check. No more butt monkey
I left my bra in his car.
Danced with is a pretty loose term. Mated with might be a little closer.
[1] We're safe. Right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. [2] I-It sounded convincing when I thought it.
One of us has been drinking, and I'm sorry to say it's not me
Oh, yes, no. He's no lounger, this one.
So pretty. Can I have one?
[1] How's evil taste? [2] A little chalky.
I smell a fox in my henhouse.
[1] Ow! Watch it, that's my joystick hand. [2] I'm not gonna touch that one.
Too bad we'll never know...if this is a face you could learn to love.
[1] These spells, these really work? I mean, can you really 'turn your enemies inside out'? Or 'learn to excrete gold coins'? [2] That one's not so much fun.
Handsome man saved me from the monsters.
[1] I don't know. Xander said... [2] Xander? Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia.
I saw you in bed.
Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication?
[1] This could be trouble. [2] We'd better make a fort. [1] I'll get some pillows.
You filthy harlot! I'm gonna tear your neck out!
No such animal.
[1] In all fairness, I don't think we know about the slithered part. [2] Oh no, I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.
Because it's a killer snot monster from outerspace. I did not say that.
[1] Come on. Who's the man? [2] You are. A very short, annoying man.
[1] No pulse. [2] Yup. Space lamb got him.
My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.
[1] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! 4x5 is 30. 5x6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women! And naked *name*! Oh, stop me! [2] God, *name*. Is that all you t
...but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?
[1] What are you? [2] Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You? [1] Sorry. Came out a little blunter than intended.
Then stop flexing your manly boob-muscles or whatever.
Well, first you say it's cat. Then you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later, 'Oh, by the way, it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh'?
Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?
People may say something like, 'My protein window closes in an hour'. Just... nod and smile. 'Mm-hmm.' Turns out it has something to do with fitness.
[1] Something's eating Xander's head. [2] Say, that's gratifying.
It eats you starting with your bottom.
Someone needs a hug.
[1] So, I took a look inside that emergency bag of Principal Wood's. [2] And? [1] Smelled weird. Kinda like Grandma's closet, but worse. [2] I didn't know that was possible.
[1] Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow. [2] We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.
That is such a twinkie defense.
You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook. I love you. Go away.
That blade is very old! Who knows what kind of corrosive effect your cooking may have on it?
Hello salty goodness.
[1] There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis. [2] Pfft. Nothing can defeat the penis.
[1] So what do we do? [2] Easy. We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire. Pretty.
I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.
Your shirt...
[1]Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik! [2] 'Cause I can't say Glarba...
Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain!
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
His physical presence has a penis!
Hey that's cheating!
And there's something else you should know about me. I have no problem spanking men.
That's not true. Sometimes we all help to save you...And-and sometimes you're not in trouble.
I watched 'Passions' with Spike. Let us never speak of it again.
[1] I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. You know what I've never noticed before? [2] Uh, a castle? [1] A big, honkin' castle.
[1] Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye all warm and safe where nothing can eat you? [2] Is that supposed to scare me? [1] Little tremble wouldn't hurt.
Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.
Ugh, well, that's gonna go straight to my hips.
She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.
My sodden sleeping chair's bloody...sodden.
To read makes our speaking English good.
I don't think you'll want it, but you'll take it, because this is the offer of a lifetime...Just not, you know, mine.
[1] So she's like a TV star? [2] No, nothing that bad. Bit more violent, though.
He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub.
Your body warms. This one is lusting after me.
[1]Now all we gotta do is trap this Übervamp in the pantry, and it's game over. [2]*name*, newbies. Let's ease them into the whole 'jokes in the face of death' thing.
Why not just try all 32 flavors?
I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were.
Always walking around like you had a great big stake shoved up your English Channel.
Two men enter. One man leaves.
[1] Where's my burger? [2] Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me.
[1]What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay. [2] What?
A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
No, sweetie, I am the magics.
He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.
[1] There's an old conjuration that the ancient Turks used to communicate with the dying. [2] Oh, yeah. I think I've read a translation?
[1] I'm guessing on how you say it. It's got an apostrophe. I think it's MmmFashnik. Like 'Mmm... cookies!'. [2] Or maybe, Muh-Fashnik. Like Muh... Fashnik.
I think Mr. Too-Much-Cologne is the pot calling the kettle stinky.
[Talking about Warren] She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next.
Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.
I'm not stealing. I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that called stealing?
Very Juice Newton.
Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
Schpadoinkle.
I may be love's bitch but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
You're right. He's evil. But you should see him naked! I mean really!
Ass-pansy!
How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
[1] Touchdown! Go Team Me! [2] Did anyone tell Team You your Quarterback throws like a girl? [1] I do?
[1] If you want him, you're going to have to go through me! [2] Okey dokey.
And one world with nothing but shrimp... I tired of that one quickly.
Anchovies anchovies you're so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes.
[1] Right. You can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect...(book catches fire) [2] *Name*, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
Thank God we're pretty.
Oh yeah? Says who? [looks at sign] Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.
Um. I have a really bad idea.
I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire Cowboy. Vampire Fireman? Oh, Vampire Ballerina!
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
We do not joke about eating people in this house!
And how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium?
Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power than this.
Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated.
[1] Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone. [2] So what? [1] It's my bone! Just drop it.
[1] Guys. Take a moment to deal with this. We survived. [2] It was a hell of a battle. [1] Not the battle. High school.
You're a bloody puppet!
Shh! Hospital zone. No singing.
[1] Oh my god, are you twelve? [2] I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide.
That'll put marzipan in your pie plate bingo.
[1] Um, why is that guy tied to a chair? [2] The question you'll soon be asking is, 'Why isn't he gagged?'
[1] I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious. [2] Alright, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat. [1] And don't you forget it.
Are you saying we should start annoying other people?
Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch
Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains, and...
Well, there you go. Even when he's good he's all Mr. Billowy Coat King of Pain.
Spank us till Tuesday.
Why not call me Horny Giles or Desperate For a Shag Giles?!
'I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?' Or terrified. Whatever.
Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed!
Party in my eye socket and everyone's invited.
[1] We'll get ya fixed up. You'll be doin' limbo in no time. [2] Yeah as a pole!
Who you gonna call? [gets a look from *Buffy*] God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
[1] For God's sakes, *name*! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing? [2] Entertaining and educating. [1] Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
Put me on the short bus, and send me off to clueless school.
[1] And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer? [2] Foamy. [1] Good. Just as long as that's clear.
That's a weird place for a horn...That's not a horn.
[1] W-What if this is all part of the plan? Drive you guys away so It can have Its way with me? E-Ev-Ever think of that? [2] I'll risk it.
It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball.
[1] Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend. [2] Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.
Everybody loves a slender ankle.
[1] Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. [2] Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
[1] Potential Slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes. [2] I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you... I'm bored.
We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.
Anya's going to try to cook. Want to watch the tears and recriminations?
Oh penis!
Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're waking up on fire
It's the end of the world.
[1] See, that's why we don't point the weapons in the kitchen. [2] It's not loaded. [1] That's always the lead quote under the headline, 'Household Crossbow Accident Claims Teen.'
[1] What if you just start attracting male demons? [2] Clem always liked you.
There's blood on this. Lots. Looks like The First made another sacrifice. Or a music video.
[1] Everyone else is being all twitchy and secretive. [2] They're just trying to keep you safe, I expect. [1] I feel safe with you. [2] Take that back!
All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.
[1] A bear! You made a bear! [2] I didn't mean to. [1] Undo it! Undo it!
A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.
Right. What's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies?
[1] Hey, I eat danger for breakfast. [2] But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.
[1] I love a ritual sacrifice. [2] It's not really a one of those. [1] To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrific. With pie.

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