Television / Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes

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Can you name the Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes?

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QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
Oh penis!
I watched 'Passions' with Spike. Let us never speak of it again.
[1]Now all we gotta do is trap this Übervamp in the pantry, and it's game over. [2]*name*, newbies. Let's ease them into the whole 'jokes in the face of death' thing.
[1] I'm guessing on how you say it. It's got an apostrophe. I think it's MmmFashnik. Like 'Mmm... cookies!'. [2] Or maybe, Muh-Fashnik. Like Muh... Fashnik.
Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated.
Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
[1]Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik! [2] 'Cause I can't say Glarba...
We should try shouting 'fire'. It's not technically a crowded theater.
Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.
Danced with is a pretty loose term. Mated with might be a little closer.
[1] Where's my burger? [2] Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me.
[1] So what do we do? [2] Easy. We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire. Pretty.
Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch
[1] So she's like a TV star? [2] No, nothing that bad. Bit more violent, though.
I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire Cowboy. Vampire Fireman? Oh, Vampire Ballerina!
Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains, and...
[1] Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow. [2] We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.
Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power than this.
That blade is very old! Who knows what kind of corrosive effect your cooking may have on it?
I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were.
Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain!
I smell a fox in my henhouse.
[1] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! 4x5 is 30. 5x6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women! And naked *name*! Oh, stop me! [2] God, *name*. Is that all you t
My sodden sleeping chair's bloody...sodden.
[1] Something's eating Xander's head. [2] Say, that's gratifying.
[1] What if you just start attracting male demons? [2] Clem always liked you.
[1] We'll get ya fixed up. You'll be doin' limbo in no time. [2] Yeah as a pole!
[1] We're safe. Right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. [2] I-It sounded convincing when I thought it.
That's a weird place for a horn...That's not a horn.
[1] This could be trouble. [2] We'd better make a fort. [1] I'll get some pillows.
[1] Potential Slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes. [2] I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you... I'm bored.
I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.
How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
And one world with nothing but shrimp... I tired of that one quickly.
Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?
[Talking about Warren] She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next.
And there's something else you should know about me. I have no problem spanking men.
You're a bloody puppet!
Oh yeah? Says who? [looks at sign] Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.
[1] A bear! You made a bear! [2] I didn't mean to. [1] Undo it! Undo it!
He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.
[1] Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye all warm and safe where nothing can eat you? [2] Is that supposed to scare me? [1] Little tremble wouldn't hurt.
I think he wants to make me his butt monkey.
Who you gonna call? [gets a look from *Buffy*] God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
[1] Um, why is that guy tied to a chair? [2] The question you'll soon be asking is, 'Why isn't he gagged?'
Anya's going to try to cook. Want to watch the tears and recriminations?
His physical presence has a penis!
People may say something like, 'My protein window closes in an hour'. Just... nod and smile. 'Mm-hmm.' Turns out it has something to do with fitness.
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.
[1] Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. [2] Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
[1] Hey, I eat danger for breakfast. [2] But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.
She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.
Ass-pansy!
[1] Come on. Who's the man? [2] You are. A very short, annoying man.
...but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?
You're right. He's evil. But you should see him naked! I mean really!
Then stop flexing your manly boob-muscles or whatever.
No such animal.
Hello salty goodness.
[1] How's evil taste? [2] A little chalky.
[1] I love a ritual sacrifice. [2] It's not really a one of those. [1] To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrific. With pie.
Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.
[1] W-What if this is all part of the plan? Drive you guys away so It can have Its way with me? E-Ev-Ever think of that? [2] I'll risk it.
Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed!
I may be love's bitch but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
[1] I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious. [2] Alright, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat. [1] And don't you forget it.
Well, there you go. Even when he's good he's all Mr. Billowy Coat King of Pain.
Well, first you say it's cat. Then you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later, 'Oh, by the way, it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh'?
No, sweetie, I am the magics.
A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
We do not joke about eating people in this house!
He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub.
Handsome man saved me from the monsters.
[1] Everyone else is being all twitchy and secretive. [2] They're just trying to keep you safe, I expect. [1] I feel safe with you. [2] Take that back!
[1] Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone. [2] So what? [1] It's my bone! Just drop it.
Too bad we'll never know...if this is a face you could learn to love.
[1] I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. You know what I've never noticed before? [2] Uh, a castle? [1] A big, honkin' castle.
[1] These spells, these really work? I mean, can you really 'turn your enemies inside out'? Or 'learn to excrete gold coins'? [2] That one's not so much fun.
[1] Oh my god, are you twelve? [2] I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide.
[1] What are you? [2] Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You? [1] Sorry. Came out a little blunter than intended.
'I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?' Or terrified. Whatever.
It eats you starting with your bottom.
Um. I have a really bad idea.
Why not just try all 32 flavors?
I'm not stealing. I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that called stealing?
[1] In all fairness, I don't think we know about the slithered part. [2] Oh no, I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.
[1] So, I took a look inside that emergency bag of Principal Wood's. [2] And? [1] Smelled weird. Kinda like Grandma's closet, but worse. [2] I didn't know that was possible.
[1] Ow! Watch it, that's my joystick hand. [2] I'm not gonna touch that one.
Very Juice Newton.
So pretty. Can I have one?
I think Mr. Too-Much-Cologne is the pot calling the kettle stinky.
One of us has been drinking, and I'm sorry to say it's not me
Someone needs a hug.
Your shirt...
That is such a twinkie defense.
There's blood on this. Lots. Looks like The First made another sacrifice. Or a music video.
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
Two men enter. One man leaves.
Hey that's cheating!
Party in my eye socket and everyone's invited.
I left my bra in his car.
[1] Touchdown! Go Team Me! [2] Did anyone tell Team You your Quarterback throws like a girl? [1] I do?
Always walking around like you had a great big stake shoved up your English Channel.
Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're waking up on fire
Everybody loves a slender ankle.
Because it's a killer snot monster from outerspace. I did not say that.
[1] Right. You can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect...(book catches fire) [2] *Name*, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
[1] There's an old conjuration that the ancient Turks used to communicate with the dying. [2] Oh, yeah. I think I've read a translation?
Thank God we're pretty.
You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook. I love you. Go away.
It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball.
To read makes our speaking English good.
[1] I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey! [2] Check. No more butt monkey
Right. What's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies?
[1]What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay. [2] What?
Schpadoinkle.
[1] If you want him, you're going to have to go through me! [2] Okey dokey.
We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.
My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.
[1] For God's sakes, *name*! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing? [2] Entertaining and educating. [1] Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
That'll put marzipan in your pie plate bingo.
You mean he actually says Eureka?
I don't think you'll want it, but you'll take it, because this is the offer of a lifetime...Just not, you know, mine.
You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.
[1] I don't know. Xander said... [2] Xander? Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia.
You filthy harlot! I'm gonna tear your neck out!
That's not true. Sometimes we all help to save you...And-and sometimes you're not in trouble.
I saw you in bed.
[1] No pulse. [2] Yup. Space lamb got him.
Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication?
Ugh, well, that's gonna go straight to my hips.
Anchovies anchovies you're so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes.
Oh, yes, no. He's no lounger, this one.
[1] See, that's why we don't point the weapons in the kitchen. [2] It's not loaded. [1] That's always the lead quote under the headline, 'Household Crossbow Accident Claims Teen.'
Spank us till Tuesday.
[1] Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend. [2] Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.
[1] Guys. Take a moment to deal with this. We survived. [2] It was a hell of a battle. [1] Not the battle. High school.
It's the end of the world.
Why not call me Horny Giles or Desperate For a Shag Giles?!
Shh! Hospital zone. No singing.
Put me on the short bus, and send me off to clueless school.
Your body warms. This one is lusting after me.
Are you saying we should start annoying other people?
[1] There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis. [2] Pfft. Nothing can defeat the penis.
[1] And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer? [2] Foamy. [1] Good. Just as long as that's clear.
And how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium?

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