Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes

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Can you name the Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes?

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QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
[1] There's an old conjuration that the ancient Turks used to communicate with the dying. [2] Oh, yeah. I think I've read a translation?
I smell a fox in my henhouse.
[1] Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow. [2] We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.
I may be love's bitch but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
[1] Potential Slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes. [2] I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you... I'm bored.
You're a bloody puppet!
'I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?' Or terrified. Whatever.
I think he wants to make me his butt monkey.
You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook. I love you. Go away.
[1] I love a ritual sacrifice. [2] It's not really a one of those. [1] To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrific. With pie.
I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were.
[1] So what do we do? [2] Easy. We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire. Pretty.
[1] A bear! You made a bear! [2] I didn't mean to. [1] Undo it! Undo it!
[1] Touchdown! Go Team Me! [2] Did anyone tell Team You your Quarterback throws like a girl? [1] I do?
[1] We'll get ya fixed up. You'll be doin' limbo in no time. [2] Yeah as a pole!
I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire Cowboy. Vampire Fireman? Oh, Vampire Ballerina!
I don't think you'll want it, but you'll take it, because this is the offer of a lifetime...Just not, you know, mine.
[1] Guys. Take a moment to deal with this. We survived. [2] It was a hell of a battle. [1] Not the battle. High school.
[1] Ow! Watch it, that's my joystick hand. [2] I'm not gonna touch that one.
I watched 'Passions' with Spike. Let us never speak of it again.
We should try shouting 'fire'. It's not technically a crowded theater.
[1] Something's eating Xander's head. [2] Say, that's gratifying.
[1] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! 4x5 is 30. 5x6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women! And naked *name*! Oh, stop me! [2] God, *name*. Is that all you t
[1] I'm guessing on how you say it. It's got an apostrophe. I think it's MmmFashnik. Like 'Mmm... cookies!'. [2] Or maybe, Muh-Fashnik. Like Muh... Fashnik.
And one world with nothing but shrimp... I tired of that one quickly.
[1] Everyone else is being all twitchy and secretive. [2] They're just trying to keep you safe, I expect. [1] I feel safe with you. [2] Take that back!
It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball.
Very Juice Newton.
A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
Everybody loves a slender ankle.
[1] Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone. [2] So what? [1] It's my bone! Just drop it.
So pretty. Can I have one?
[1] How's evil taste? [2] A little chalky.
Oh yeah? Says who? [looks at sign] Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.
How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
And how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium?
Shh! Hospital zone. No singing.
We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.
[Talking about Warren] She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next.
That is such a twinkie defense.
Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?
[1] See, that's why we don't point the weapons in the kitchen. [2] It's not loaded. [1] That's always the lead quote under the headline, 'Household Crossbow Accident Claims Teen.'
[1] No pulse. [2] Yup. Space lamb got him.
That blade is very old! Who knows what kind of corrosive effect your cooking may have on it?
[1] Where's my burger? [2] Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me.
Why not just try all 32 flavors?
You filthy harlot! I'm gonna tear your neck out!
Ass-pansy!
[1] I don't know. Xander said... [2] Xander? Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia.
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
[1] I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. You know what I've never noticed before? [2] Uh, a castle? [1] A big, honkin' castle.
He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub.
Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch
Well, first you say it's cat. Then you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later, 'Oh, by the way, it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh'?
Handsome man saved me from the monsters.
Ugh, well, that's gonna go straight to my hips.
Too bad we'll never know...if this is a face you could learn to love.
Anya's going to try to cook. Want to watch the tears and recriminations?
Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain!
[1] There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis. [2] Pfft. Nothing can defeat the penis.
Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated.
Um. I have a really bad idea.
[1] Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye all warm and safe where nothing can eat you? [2] Is that supposed to scare me? [1] Little tremble wouldn't hurt.
All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.
[1] If you want him, you're going to have to go through me! [2] Okey dokey.
Right. What's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies?
Danced with is a pretty loose term. Mated with might be a little closer.
[1] These spells, these really work? I mean, can you really 'turn your enemies inside out'? Or 'learn to excrete gold coins'? [2] That one's not so much fun.
[1] Hey, I eat danger for breakfast. [2] But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.
[1] Oh my god, are you twelve? [2] I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide.
Spank us till Tuesday.
There's blood on this. Lots. Looks like The First made another sacrifice. Or a music video.
Well, there you go. Even when he's good he's all Mr. Billowy Coat King of Pain.
A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
[1] We're safe. Right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. [2] I-It sounded convincing when I thought it.
Someone needs a hug.
[1]Now all we gotta do is trap this Übervamp in the pantry, and it's game over. [2]*name*, newbies. Let's ease them into the whole 'jokes in the face of death' thing.
[1] Come on. Who's the man? [2] You are. A very short, annoying man.
You mean he actually says Eureka?
Party in my eye socket and everyone's invited.
He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.
[1] What if you just start attracting male demons? [2] Clem always liked you.
She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.
[1] And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer? [2] Foamy. [1] Good. Just as long as that's clear.
I saw you in bed.
That's not true. Sometimes we all help to save you...And-and sometimes you're not in trouble.
[1] Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend. [2] Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.
Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains, and...
[1] W-What if this is all part of the plan? Drive you guys away so It can have Its way with me? E-Ev-Ever think of that? [2] I'll risk it.
People may say something like, 'My protein window closes in an hour'. Just... nod and smile. 'Mm-hmm.' Turns out it has something to do with fitness.
Thank God we're pretty.
Because it's a killer snot monster from outerspace. I did not say that.
[1]What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay. [2] What?
We do not joke about eating people in this house!
No such animal.
That's a weird place for a horn...That's not a horn.
[1] This could be trouble. [2] We'd better make a fort. [1] I'll get some pillows.
[1] I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious. [2] Alright, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat. [1] And don't you forget it.
It eats you starting with your bottom.
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
Are you saying we should start annoying other people?
Who you gonna call? [gets a look from *Buffy*] God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
[1] In all fairness, I don't think we know about the slithered part. [2] Oh no, I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.
[1] What are you? [2] Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You? [1] Sorry. Came out a little blunter than intended.
One of us has been drinking, and I'm sorry to say it's not me
Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.
Put me on the short bus, and send me off to clueless school.
[1] So she's like a TV star? [2] No, nothing that bad. Bit more violent, though.
...but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?
Schpadoinkle.
And there's something else you should know about me. I have no problem spanking men.
Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.
Always walking around like you had a great big stake shoved up your English Channel.
[1] Um, why is that guy tied to a chair? [2] The question you'll soon be asking is, 'Why isn't he gagged?'
Two men enter. One man leaves.
Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're waking up on fire
No, sweetie, I am the magics.
That'll put marzipan in your pie plate bingo.
Your body warms. This one is lusting after me.
[1] So, I took a look inside that emergency bag of Principal Wood's. [2] And? [1] Smelled weird. Kinda like Grandma's closet, but worse. [2] I didn't know that was possible.
Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
I'm not stealing. I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that called stealing?
[1] Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. [2] Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
His physical presence has a penis!
Then stop flexing your manly boob-muscles or whatever.
Why not call me Horny Giles or Desperate For a Shag Giles?!
It's the end of the world.
Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed!
[1] Right. You can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect...(book catches fire) [2] *Name*, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
Oh, yes, no. He's no lounger, this one.
[1] For God's sakes, *name*! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing? [2] Entertaining and educating. [1] Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
You're right. He's evil. But you should see him naked! I mean really!
You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.
I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.
Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication?
[1]Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik! [2] 'Cause I can't say Glarba...
Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
My sodden sleeping chair's bloody...sodden.
To read makes our speaking English good.
Hello salty goodness.
[1] I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey! [2] Check. No more butt monkey
Anchovies anchovies you're so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes.
Oh penis!
Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power than this.
I think Mr. Too-Much-Cologne is the pot calling the kettle stinky.
Your shirt...
I left my bra in his car.
Hey that's cheating!
My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.

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