Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes

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Can you name the Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel Quotes?

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QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
[1] I love a ritual sacrifice. [2] It's not really a one of those. [1] To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrific. With pie.
That's not true. Sometimes we all help to save you...And-and sometimes you're not in trouble.
A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
[1] Something's eating Xander's head. [2] Say, that's gratifying.
[1] In all fairness, I don't think we know about the slithered part. [2] Oh no, I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.
Ugh, well, that's gonna go straight to my hips.
Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch
Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication?
That blade is very old! Who knows what kind of corrosive effect your cooking may have on it?
Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
[1] See, that's why we don't point the weapons in the kitchen. [2] It's not loaded. [1] That's always the lead quote under the headline, 'Household Crossbow Accident Claims Teen.'
Very Juice Newton.
Schpadoinkle.
To read makes our speaking English good.
You're a bloody puppet!
[1] I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey! [2] Check. No more butt monkey
[1] For God's sakes, *name*! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing? [2] Entertaining and educating. [1] Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
Well, first you say it's cat. Then you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later, 'Oh, by the way, it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh'?
He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.
[1] These spells, these really work? I mean, can you really 'turn your enemies inside out'? Or 'learn to excrete gold coins'? [2] That one's not so much fun.
[1]What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay. [2] What?
[1] Touchdown! Go Team Me! [2] Did anyone tell Team You your Quarterback throws like a girl? [1] I do?
[1] Hey, I eat danger for breakfast. [2] But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.
[1] There's an old conjuration that the ancient Turks used to communicate with the dying. [2] Oh, yeah. I think I've read a translation?
Anya's going to try to cook. Want to watch the tears and recriminations?
[1] We're safe. Right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. [2] I-It sounded convincing when I thought it.
Right. What's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies?
I watched 'Passions' with Spike. Let us never speak of it again.
[1] So what do we do? [2] Easy. We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire. Pretty.
I'm not stealing. I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that called stealing?
Your shirt...
[1] How's evil taste? [2] A little chalky.
[1] Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. [2] Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
[1] Everyone else is being all twitchy and secretive. [2] They're just trying to keep you safe, I expect. [1] I feel safe with you. [2] Take that back!
That's a weird place for a horn...That's not a horn.
...but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?
Shh! Hospital zone. No singing.
I may be love's bitch but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
'I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?' Or terrified. Whatever.
[1] I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious. [2] Alright, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat. [1] And don't you forget it.
[1] I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. You know what I've never noticed before? [2] Uh, a castle? [1] A big, honkin' castle.
I don't think you'll want it, but you'll take it, because this is the offer of a lifetime...Just not, you know, mine.
I saw you in bed.
Why not just try all 32 flavors?
[1] So she's like a TV star? [2] No, nothing that bad. Bit more violent, though.
Ass-pansy!
[1] Oh my god, are you twelve? [2] I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide.
It's the end of the world.
All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
[1] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! 4x5 is 30. 5x6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women! And naked *name*! Oh, stop me! [2] God, *name*. Is that all you t
Always walking around like you had a great big stake shoved up your English Channel.
A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
[1] A bear! You made a bear! [2] I didn't mean to. [1] Undo it! Undo it!
My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it.
My sodden sleeping chair's bloody...sodden.
[1] What if you just start attracting male demons? [2] Clem always liked you.
You're right. He's evil. But you should see him naked! I mean really!
Party in my eye socket and everyone's invited.
[1] This could be trouble. [2] We'd better make a fort. [1] I'll get some pillows.
Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.
[1]Now all we gotta do is trap this Übervamp in the pantry, and it's game over. [2]*name*, newbies. Let's ease them into the whole 'jokes in the face of death' thing.
Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're waking up on fire
Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.
[1] And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer? [2] Foamy. [1] Good. Just as long as that's clear.
I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were.
Everybody loves a slender ankle.
[1] Come on. Who's the man? [2] You are. A very short, annoying man.
Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power than this.
Two men enter. One man leaves.
He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub.
Someone needs a hug.
I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire Cowboy. Vampire Fireman? Oh, Vampire Ballerina!
Who you gonna call? [gets a look from *Buffy*] God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
Danced with is a pretty loose term. Mated with might be a little closer.
Then stop flexing your manly boob-muscles or whatever.
[1] Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone. [2] So what? [1] It's my bone! Just drop it.
[1] What are you? [2] Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You? [1] Sorry. Came out a little blunter than intended.
Oh penis!
Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated.
[1] I'm guessing on how you say it. It's got an apostrophe. I think it's MmmFashnik. Like 'Mmm... cookies!'. [2] Or maybe, Muh-Fashnik. Like Muh... Fashnik.
[1] Guys. Take a moment to deal with this. We survived. [2] It was a hell of a battle. [1] Not the battle. High school.
I left my bra in his car.
She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.
I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.
It eats you starting with your bottom.
[1] Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye all warm and safe where nothing can eat you? [2] Is that supposed to scare me? [1] Little tremble wouldn't hurt.
His physical presence has a penis!
And how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium?
Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain!
[1] So, I took a look inside that emergency bag of Principal Wood's. [2] And? [1] Smelled weird. Kinda like Grandma's closet, but worse. [2] I didn't know that was possible.
Too bad we'll never know...if this is a face you could learn to love.
[1] Ow! Watch it, that's my joystick hand. [2] I'm not gonna touch that one.
We should try shouting 'fire'. It's not technically a crowded theater.
I think he wants to make me his butt monkey.
[1] Potential Slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes. [2] I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you... I'm bored.
[1] We'll get ya fixed up. You'll be doin' limbo in no time. [2] Yeah as a pole!
Oh yeah? Says who? [looks at sign] Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.
QuoteWho Said ItSeason, Episode Name
Why not call me Horny Giles or Desperate For a Shag Giles?!
[1] Where's my burger? [2] Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me.
There's blood on this. Lots. Looks like The First made another sacrifice. Or a music video.
And one world with nothing but shrimp... I tired of that one quickly.
You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.
Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains, and...
Oh, yes, no. He's no lounger, this one.
[1] If you want him, you're going to have to go through me! [2] Okey dokey.
And there's something else you should know about me. I have no problem spanking men.
You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook. I love you. Go away.
No such animal.
[1]Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik! [2] 'Cause I can't say Glarba...
Thank God we're pretty.
Anchovies anchovies you're so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes.
[1] Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend. [2] Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.
That is such a twinkie defense.
People may say something like, 'My protein window closes in an hour'. Just... nod and smile. 'Mm-hmm.' Turns out it has something to do with fitness.
[Talking about Warren] She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next.
Are you saying we should start annoying other people?
Well, there you go. Even when he's good he's all Mr. Billowy Coat King of Pain.
One of us has been drinking, and I'm sorry to say it's not me
How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?
So pretty. Can I have one?
Um. I have a really bad idea.
We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.
[1] W-What if this is all part of the plan? Drive you guys away so It can have Its way with me? E-Ev-Ever think of that? [2] I'll risk it.
No, sweetie, I am the magics.
Handsome man saved me from the monsters.
Your body warms. This one is lusting after me.
Hello salty goodness.
You mean he actually says Eureka?
Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed!
That'll put marzipan in your pie plate bingo.
I smell a fox in my henhouse.
Because it's a killer snot monster from outerspace. I did not say that.
Hey that's cheating!
[1] There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis. [2] Pfft. Nothing can defeat the penis.
[1] No pulse. [2] Yup. Space lamb got him.
Put me on the short bus, and send me off to clueless school.
[1] Right. You can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect...(book catches fire) [2] *Name*, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
I think Mr. Too-Much-Cologne is the pot calling the kettle stinky.
[1] I don't know. Xander said... [2] Xander? Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia.
You filthy harlot! I'm gonna tear your neck out!
Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?
We do not joke about eating people in this house!
[1] Um, why is that guy tied to a chair? [2] The question you'll soon be asking is, 'Why isn't he gagged?'
Spank us till Tuesday.
[1] Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow. [2] We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.
It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball.

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