| Quote | Who Said It | Season, Episode Name |
|---|
| She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny. | |
| Handsome man saved me from the monsters. | |
| All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now. | |
| Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed! | |
| [1] So, I took a look inside that emergency bag of Principal Wood's. [2] And? [1] Smelled weird. Kinda like Grandma's closet, but worse. [2] I didn't know that was possible. | |
| I smell a fox in my henhouse. | |
| A bidet. Like a bidet of evil. | |
| [1] So she's like a TV star? [2] No, nothing that bad. Bit more violent, though. | |
| It eats you starting with your bottom. | |
| Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication? | |
| You're a bloody puppet! | |
| [1] If you want him, you're going to have to go through me! [2] Okey dokey. | |
| [1] How's evil taste? [2] A little chalky. | |
| I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire Cowboy. Vampire Fireman? Oh, Vampire Ballerina! | |
| Um. I have a really bad idea. | |
| [1] Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. [2] Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares. | |
| I wear the cheese, it does not wear me. | |
| Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're waking up on fire | |
| [1] We'll get ya fixed up. You'll be doin' limbo in no time. [2] Yeah as a pole! | |
| My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it. | |
| Ass-pansy! | |
| I saw you in bed. | |
| [1] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! 4x5 is 30. 5x6 is 32. Naked girls. Naked women! And naked *name*! Oh, stop me! [2] God, *name*. Is that all you t | |
| [1] What if you just start attracting male demons? [2] Clem always liked you. | |
| [Talking about Warren] She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next. | |
| Because it's a killer snot monster from outerspace. I did not say that. | |
| [1] W-What if this is all part of the plan? Drive you guys away so It can have Its way with me? E-Ev-Ever think of that? [2] I'll risk it. | |
| [1] I'm guessing on how you say it. It's got an apostrophe. I think it's MmmFashnik. Like 'Mmm... cookies!'. [2] Or maybe, Muh-Fashnik. Like Muh... Fashnik. | |
| Why not just try all 32 flavors? | |
| I left my bra in his car. | |
| Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us. | |
| That blade is very old! Who knows what kind of corrosive effect your cooking may have on it? | |
| That is such a twinkie defense. | |
| [1]Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik! [2] 'Cause I can't say Glarba... | |
| [1] Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye all warm and safe where nothing can eat you? [2] Is that supposed to scare me? [1] Little tremble wouldn't hurt. | |
| [1] These spells, these really work? I mean, can you really 'turn your enemies inside out'? Or 'learn to excrete gold coins'? [2] That one's not so much fun. | |
| Very Juice Newton. | |
| No, sweetie, I am the magics. | |
| [1] Everyone else is being all twitchy and secretive. [2] They're just trying to keep you safe, I expect. [1] I feel safe with you. [2] Take that back! | |
| Allow me to answer that question with a firing. | |
| Anchovies anchovies you're so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes. | |
| We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus. | |
| He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub. | |
| [1] Touchdown! Go Team Me! [2] Did anyone tell Team You your Quarterback throws like a girl? [1] I do? | |
| Anya's going to try to cook. Want to watch the tears and recriminations? | |
| Ugh, well, that's gonna go straight to my hips. | |
| His physical presence has a penis! | |
| I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were. | |
| Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list? | |
| | Quote | Who Said It | Season, Episode Name |
|---|
| He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon. | |
| Your shirt... | |
| A muscle cramp? In your... pants? | |
| [1] A bear! You made a bear! [2] I didn't mean to. [1] Undo it! Undo it! | |
| [1] Ow! Watch it, that's my joystick hand. [2] I'm not gonna touch that one. | |
| I watched 'Passions' with Spike. Let us never speak of it again. | |
| [1] There's an old conjuration that the ancient Turks used to communicate with the dying. [2] Oh, yeah. I think I've read a translation? | |
| [1] I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey! [2] Check. No more butt monkey | |
| Your body warms. This one is lusting after me. | |
| To read makes our speaking English good. | |
| Well, first you say it's cat. Then you come in, hand me a burger, blah blah blah, five minutes later, 'Oh, by the way, it happens to be hot, delicious human flesh'? | |
| It's the end of the world. | |
| Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain! | |
| You're stepping on my moment of manliness here. | |
| I think he wants to make me his butt monkey. | |
| I don't think you'll want it, but you'll take it, because this is the offer of a lifetime...Just not, you know, mine. | |
| [1] I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. You know what I've never noticed before? [2] Uh, a castle? [1] A big, honkin' castle. | |
| [1] Guys. Take a moment to deal with this. We survived. [2] It was a hell of a battle. [1] Not the battle. High school. | |
| [1] I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious. [2] Alright, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat. [1] And don't you forget it. | |
| Put me on the short bus, and send me off to clueless school. | |
| You never know what's coming, the stake is not the power, To Serve Man is a cookbook. I love you. Go away. | |
| 'I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?' Or terrified. Whatever. | |
| Party in my eye socket and everyone's invited. | |
| [1] And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer? [2] Foamy. [1] Good. Just as long as that's clear. | |
| Always walking around like you had a great big stake shoved up your English Channel. | |
| Thank God we're pretty. | |
| People may say something like, 'My protein window closes in an hour'. Just... nod and smile. 'Mm-hmm.' Turns out it has something to do with fitness. | |
| [1] Um, why is that guy tied to a chair? [2] The question you'll soon be asking is, 'Why isn't he gagged?' | |
| Hello salty goodness. | |
| Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated. | |
| Hey that's cheating! | |
| [1] I love a ritual sacrifice. [2] It's not really a one of those. [1] To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrific. With pie. | |
| Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself. | |
| I may be love's bitch but at least I'm man enough to admit it. | |
| So pretty. Can I have one? | |
| Everybody loves a slender ankle. | |
| One of us has been drinking, and I'm sorry to say it's not me | |
| Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains, and... | |
| There's blood on this. Lots. Looks like The First made another sacrifice. Or a music video. | |
| And one world with nothing but shrimp... I tired of that one quickly. | |
| Well, there you go. Even when he's good he's all Mr. Billowy Coat King of Pain. | |
| Right. What's a little sweater sniffing between sworn enemies? | |
| [1] So what do we do? [2] Easy. We burn the house to the ground and collect the insurance. Plus, fire. Pretty. | |
| [1] Potential Slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes. [2] I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you... I'm bored. | |
| Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch | |
| [1] Right. You can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect...(book catches fire) [2] *Name*, don't speak Latin in front of the books. | |
| [1] Come on. Who's the man? [2] You are. A very short, annoying man. | |
| [1] There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis. [2] Pfft. Nothing can defeat the penis. | |
| [1] I don't know. Xander said... [2] Xander? Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia. | |
| | Quote | Who Said It | Season, Episode Name |
|---|
| [1]Now all we gotta do is trap this Übervamp in the pantry, and it's game over. [2]*name*, newbies. Let's ease them into the whole 'jokes in the face of death' thing. | |
| [1] We're safe. Right. And, uh, Spike built a robot Buffy to play checkers with. [2] I-It sounded convincing when I thought it. | |
| [1] Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone. [2] So what? [1] It's my bone! Just drop it. | |
| Schpadoinkle. | |
| That's a weird place for a horn...That's not a horn. | |
| [1] For God's sakes, *name*! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing? [2] Entertaining and educating. [1] Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us? | |
| Too bad we'll never know...if this is a face you could learn to love. | |
| Someone needs a hug. | |
| I think Mr. Too-Much-Cologne is the pot calling the kettle stinky. | |
| [1] In all fairness, I don't think we know about the slithered part. [2] Oh no, I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb. | |
| [1] No pulse. [2] Yup. Space lamb got him. | |
| Two men enter. One man leaves. | |
| It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball. | |
| [1] What are you? [2] Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You? [1] Sorry. Came out a little blunter than intended. | |
| I'm not stealing. I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that called stealing? | |
| We should try shouting 'fire'. It's not technically a crowded theater. | |
| [1] Hey, I eat danger for breakfast. [2] But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods. | |
| You filthy harlot! I'm gonna tear your neck out! | |
| And there's something else you should know about me. I have no problem spanking men. | |
| That'll put marzipan in your pie plate bingo. | |
| You mean he actually says Eureka? | |
| Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want. | |
| We do not joke about eating people in this house! | |
| Spank us till Tuesday. | |
| Then stop flexing your manly boob-muscles or whatever. | |
| Are you saying we should start annoying other people? | |
| [1] Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend. [2] Yes, we've enjoyed spanking. | |
| Who you gonna call? [gets a look from *Buffy*] God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it? | |
| And how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium? | |
| [1] Oh my god, are you twelve? [2] I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide. | |
| Oh yeah? Says who? [looks at sign] Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign. | |
| [1] See, that's why we don't point the weapons in the kitchen. [2] It's not loaded. [1] That's always the lead quote under the headline, 'Household Crossbow Accident Claims Teen.' | |
| Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power than this. | |
| [1]What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay. [2] What? | |
| Danced with is a pretty loose term. Mated with might be a little closer. | |
| That's not true. Sometimes we all help to save you...And-and sometimes you're not in trouble. | |
| My sodden sleeping chair's bloody...sodden. | |
| [1] Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow. [2] We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side. | |
| [1] This could be trouble. [2] We'd better make a fort. [1] I'll get some pillows. | |
| No such animal. | |
| Shh! Hospital zone. No singing. | |
| Oh, yes, no. He's no lounger, this one. | |
| [1] Something's eating Xander's head. [2] Say, that's gratifying. | |
| Oh penis! | |
| How about 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu? | |
| ...but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something? | |
| [1] Where's my burger? [2] Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me. | |
| You're right. He's evil. But you should see him naked! I mean really! | |
| Why not call me Horny Giles or Desperate For a Shag Giles?! | |
|
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