Players of Gardner Puck

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Can you name the Players of Gardner Puck?

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dekes himself out regularly and often can be heard screaming NO GOAL
wears an old panthers jersey and leads the league in PIMs
wears a Trevor Linden jersey
ditched the Gardner All-Stars leading to their loss
one of the few players that actually looks athletic
sprawls out on the ice as the hairy ice monster
GM of the disappointing Gardner All-Stars
lives on the 1st floor and has flashes of brilliance
doesn't wear skates and has a hill named after him
in rare appearances he wears a senators jersey
always wears his embarassing team's jersey
once ordered a half pint of raspberry beer to split with his girlfriend
executes his big body presence on those smaller than him
looks like a barber shop pole when playing
likes the capitals and has trouble skating
one half of a weekend detective partnership

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