Players of Gardner Puck

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Can you name the Players of Gardner Puck?

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dekes himself out regularly and often can be heard screaming NO GOAL
always wears his embarassing team's jersey
in rare appearances he wears a senators jersey
executes his big body presence on those smaller than him
doesn't wear skates and has a hill named after him
wears an old panthers jersey and leads the league in PIMs
GM of the disappointing Gardner All-Stars
wears a Trevor Linden jersey
looks like a barber shop pole when playing
one half of a weekend detective partnership
sprawls out on the ice as the hairy ice monster
likes the capitals and has trouble skating
ditched the Gardner All-Stars leading to their loss
lives on the 1st floor and has flashes of brilliance
once ordered a half pint of raspberry beer to split with his girlfriend
one of the few players that actually looks athletic

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