Players of Gardner Puck

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Can you name the Players of Gardner Puck?

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executes his big body presence on those smaller than him
always wears his embarassing team's jersey
dekes himself out regularly and often can be heard screaming NO GOAL
likes the capitals and has trouble skating
sprawls out on the ice as the hairy ice monster
doesn't wear skates and has a hill named after him
in rare appearances he wears a senators jersey
GM of the disappointing Gardner All-Stars
wears a Trevor Linden jersey
once ordered a half pint of raspberry beer to split with his girlfriend
looks like a barber shop pole when playing
one of the few players that actually looks athletic
one half of a weekend detective partnership
wears an old panthers jersey and leads the league in PIMs
ditched the Gardner All-Stars leading to their loss
lives on the 1st floor and has flashes of brilliance

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