| Quote | Character |
| 'I am Bea, I drink tea, won't you dance around with me?' | |
| 'NEW YORK...IS AWESOME!' | |
| 'Wow, I don't even know any huge gay people.' | |
| 'Oh, come on, you didn't have to...SALT WATER TAFFY?!' | |
| 'If Homosapiens were, in fact, Homosapien, is that why they're extinct?' | |
| 'You were my midnight mystery kisser?!' | |
| 'Well, I have kissed over four women.' | |
| 'Yes, that's right. I wanna do it with you. I've been trying to fight it, but you just kept saying all the right things...' | |
| '....LAURA!' | |
| 'OR, we could plant PCP in the apartment, and call the cops on her!' | |
| 'PAPER! SNOW! A GHOST!' | |
| | Quote | Character |
| 'Well they gave me cute doctor today and half way through the exam I put my pinky in his chin dimple.' | |
| 'I swear, your play is very important to us, thank you for your patience. Your play is the next play we're gonna see.' | |
| 'But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly!' | |
| 'You won an adult thanksgiving day spelling bee?' | |
| 'It's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it IS a big deal!' | |
| 'If you're alive, then you ANSWER YOUR PHONE!' | |
| 'The only weird thing would be if someone didn't like Mexican food, because I'm making FAJITAS!' | |
| 'Monica bang!' | |
| 'Oh my God, I'm a woman!' | |
| 'No, you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good.' | |
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