Friends: Who Said it?

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Can you name the Friends character (Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe or Joey) who said the following quote?

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QuoteCharacter
'You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, 'I'm not fired.' Ha.'
'They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my father, I got great boots boots!'
'Wasn't it supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be... flung by now?'
'Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman. And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition.'
'Who's FICA? Why is he getting all my money? '
'Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper.'
'You're over me? When were you... under me?'
'All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for. '
'Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear? '
'I can't believe my dad saw us having sex. He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees. '
'Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?'
'Hey you know what I just realized?, Joker is Poker with a J! — Coincidence?'
QuoteCharacter
'All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men.'
'Hey, if we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches. '
'If she wanted to be more like me, why couldn't she just copy my hairstyle or something?'
'Wow. This is the first time I've walked down the aisle without the possibility of it ending in divorce.'
'If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.'
'Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling. '
'I don't want my baby's first words to be 'How You Doing' '
'Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew. Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster. '
'Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes?!'
'I hate his underwear. One time I bought a pair marked XS and let me tell you there's no room for anything excess in there. '
'I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? '
'You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*! '

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