Buffy Quotes - Every Episode

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Can you name the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' episode by the given quote?

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QuoteEpisodeCharacter
Yeah, from this desert gnome in Cairo. He drove a really hard bargain, but I finally got him to throw in a limited-edition Backstreet Boys lunch box for... a friend.
I have not only the right, but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school. I'd describe myself as tingly.
I think they call 'em 'principals' now.
I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
Initiative soldiers, they live here. Experiments happen in the lab under the house. It's where they kept you, put in your chip. Let's have fun!
Like you don't have a sick mother, but you'd rather go to a frat party where there's gonna be drinking and older guys and probably an orgy.
It's a loop...like the Mummy Hand. I'm doomed to replace these windows for all eternity. You know, maybe we should just board these up until things are less hellmouthy.
Sorry, but I'm an old fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.
No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love.
Good, so you and Riley *aren't* imploding? It doesn't take a genius. What I can't figure out is how you never saw it coming.
*I* may be love's bitch, but at least *I'm* man enough to admit it.
I inflicted a lot of putrefying diseases on men when I was an avenging demon, you look like you're getting all of them.
And the amazing thing? Still more romantic than Faith.
I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it didn't fit.
I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a friggin' beer!
You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid.
When you become a vampire, the demon takes your body, but it doesn't get your soul; that's gone. No conscience, no remorse, it's an easy way to live.
You missed her 'everyone sucks but me' speech. If she's so superior, let her find her own way back.
Anyway, how many people do you think we've saved by now, thousands? And didn't you stop the world from ending? Because in my book, that puts you and me in the plus column.
This will give them some time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of BEING MEAN TO ME!
And I'm just supposed to help you out of the evilness of my heart?
You remember, you fail math, you flunk out of school, you end up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, 'Hey, kids, where's the cool parties this weekend?
Have you seen the new library? There's nothing but computers. There's not a book to be seen. I - I don't know where to begin, Buffy. I mean, who do we speak to?
Oh, yeah, you all decided. You sad, sad, ungrateful traitors. Who do you think you are?
The signs?! Read me the signs! Tell me my fortune! You're so useful sitting here with all of your books! You're really a lot of help!
Willow's a demon!?
Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.
If you wanna kill the world? Well, then start with me. I've earned that.
You're rejecting my offer of sexual bribery? What am I, a leper in this town? I can't even give it away!
You faced the monster inside of you and you fought back. You risked everything to be a better man. And you can be. You are. You may not see it, but I do. I believe in you, Spike.
I'm not gonna lie to you. It was scary. I'm so used to you being a grownup, and then I find out that you're a person.
Well, I took Psych 101. I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation before the final, but I know what a Freudian slip is.
You are my sister. There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't.
No actual witches in your witch group.
You've got Slayer problems. That's a bad piece of luck. Do you know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them.
I say it's time for the grownups to take Sunnydale back. I say we start by finding the people who did this and making them pay.
Dawn... she's not mine is she?
This is the Initiative, Xander. Military people don't make out with science people.
Angel, if I'm not the Slayer, what do I do? What do I have to offer? Why would you like me?
Oh my God. He's going to do the entire speech.
The spark. I wanted to give you... what you deserve. And I got it. They put the spark in me and now all it does is burn.
My first time out, I missed the heart too.
Sure. We can work out after school. You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my mother!
This computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office... One assumes it is entirely legal?
If you think that's enough to kill me, you really don't know what a Slayer is. Trust me when I say you're gonna find out.
Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?
Did I mention that I'm having a very strange night?
What is this, Demons Anonymous? I don't need an intervention, here.
QuoteEpisodeCharacter
You think this isn't real just because of all the vampires and demons and ex-vengeance demons and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe-destroying energy?
I'd like to test that theory.
Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you won't have to see what we're doing?
Willow, it's okay that you're helping Cordelia. We're best friends. I'm not gonna hold it against you.
You do have a superiority complex. And you've got an inferiority complex about it. Kudos.
You mean the spell was for me?
It's not like it's the end of the world. Which is too bad, you know, 'Cause that, I'm really good at.
Don't taunt the fear demon.
You can't be a part of it so I need you to leave. I'm sorry but this is my house too.
She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive.
I was so hoping you'd do that.
Xander... He didn't leave a card.
A vampire with a soul? How lame is that?
Hey! I was just at the part where he invented the internet.
I think she was afraid of the look you'd get on your face. Kinda like the one you're wearing now.
Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Hundred and forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it? How long was it where you were?
I don't want any trouble. I just want to be alone and quiet in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy. I don't even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one.
Every Christmas, we watch Charlie Brown together, and I do the Snoopy dance.
Dreams? That would be a musical comedy version of this.
Besides, if you die, I'll just bring you back to life. That's what I do.
'Kiss rocks'? Why would anyone want to kiss... Oh, wait. I get it.
'Cause I'm not ready for you to not be here.
Well the point, Angel, is you're a very powerful young man, good for Faith, and there just may be future for you in Sunnydale.
You never train with me anymore. He's gonna kick your ass.
How come you didn't tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt?
Y-you never learn, do you? This wasn't about you. This was never about you.
I saw you last night. I see you working here today. You’re not special. You’re extraordinary.
You think I don't watch your movies? You always come back.
Best thing about a coma, you wake up all rested and rejuvenated and ready for payback.
Oh, he's a vampire! Of course! But the cuddly kind, like a Care Bear with fangs.
This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz.' Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
Actually, Billy Idol stole his look from- never mind.
I can't! I can't, I ju ... god, I need help. Please! Please help me, please.
OK, not when you make it sound all dirty like that. It's just tea.
Is he evil?
Aim for the horsies.
You're referencing literature I have no way to be familiar with. You're trying to make me feel left out, and you're stealing!
Theory number 5: cat burgers.
You're the same Buffy. With a deep tropical cellular tan.
It's not enough. I need to fix this. I don't usually get a heads up before somebody dies.
When you brought me here, I thought it was to kill me. Instead, you go all Dumbledore on me.
Xander decided that he blames the wall.
Then teach it that dreidel song.
Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? She's possessed.
No, no, no way! I wish us into Bizarro-land and you guys are still together? I cannot win!
When I killed him, Angel was cured.
And the second- the second that happens... You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day.
Uh, let me make sure I have this right. This witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells so that she can become a cheerleader?
QuoteEpisodeCharacter
Things used to be pretty simple. A hundred years, just hanging out, feelin' guilty... I really honed my brooding skills. Then she comes along. Yeah, I get jealous.
Uh, Amy ... three things we have to talk about. One, Larry's gay. Two, Larry's dead. And three, high school's ... kinda over.
You think you know ... what's to come ... what you are. You haven't even begun.
Be free, kittens!
I think Spike was right back at the gas station. Snap out of it!
He misses you. He doesn't say anything, I mean, but I know he does. And I don't want him to be lonely. I don't want anyone to.
So Spike! How's that muscle cramp?
She's kidding. An, we talked about the employee-employer vocabulary no-nos. That was number five.
And I've been meaning to cut back on that habit-forming oxygen.
I don't need a guy right now. I need me. I need to get comfortable being alone with Buffy.
Was there a... a school bulletin? Was it i-in the newspaper? Is there anyone in this town who doesn't know I'm the Slayer?
Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.
Do you remember cheering me on? Both of you! Do you remember giving me Willow's message? 'Kick his ass.'
I tried to kill my friends, my sister, last week and guess how much they hate me now? Zero. Zero much. So I'm thinking, sleeping with you... They'll deal.
I mean, three days out of the month, I'm not much fun to be around either.
Talk, funny is good but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun!
But... cute guy! Teenager! Post-pubescent fantasies!
Don't. That thing, it wasn't even real. What you did for me and Dawn... that was real. I won't forget it.
Time's up. Rules change.
When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit.
Well, at least we all have someone to go with now. Some of us are going with demons, but I think that's a valid lifestyle choice.
Spike's working for Adam?! After all we've done--nah, I can't even act surprised.
I told you. I-I said 'end of the world', and you're like 'poo-poo, southern California, poo-poo'!
Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah blah biddy blah, I'm so stuffy, give me a scone.
My hat has a cow.
No, I'll only make them for myself, but by California law, you will own half of them.
To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve it, it's done because they need it.
It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in.
Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.
You can't do that. It's wrong. I'll kick your ass.
Boy, when they were handing out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did you?
Yeah, Buffy. What are we going to do now?
Dawn used to be a key. I don't really know what that means.
Can I be blind too?
If they're really spying on you all the time, you just say something so you know they'll hear you. Like sometimes, I write fake things in my diary in case...
'Are you a people person, or do you prefer keeping your own company?' Well, what if I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default?
Nice punch you got there. Lemme guess. Leather pants, nice right cross, doe eyes, holier-than-thou glower...you must be Faith.
To read makes our speaking English good.
Except ... when I got Xander's message ... you know, that I was ... fading away ... I actually got scared.
Ok, so that was the evil twin, right? 'Cause she was bordering on Cordelia-esque.
Yeah, well, I'm telling Mom you slayed in front of me.
Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together.
Not exactly. Seems Anya got her vengeance on again.
Already been looted, sorry! Uh, try the appliance store down the block, they've got great toasters!
A d- Please! A date? You are completely off your bird! I mean - Do you want it to be?
Let me tell you something. When it's dark and I'm all alone, and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think “What would Buffy do?” You're my hero.
I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or, god, even studying! But I have to save the world. Again.
Out... for... a... walk... bitch.

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