| Subheading | U.S. State |
| Home Of New York's Other Population | |
| Land Of 10,000 Retards | |
| Covered In Ivy | |
| Sprawl Of America | |
| Needlessly Unspoiled | |
| A Place For Pricks To Come Look At Leaves | |
| A Tumbleweed Passed Through Once | |
| A Nice First Try | |
| Utah's Family Welcomes You | |
| Everything Sucks Bigger In Texas | |
| Spectator State | |
| The Silent Holocaust | |
| A National Wildman Refuge | |
| Spectacular Balcony View | |
| Empty | |
| Unexplained | |
| The Last Remaining Slave State | |
| Soaked In Bourbon | |
| Amish-ish Country | |
| Clean Air, Filthy People | |
| By Mark Twain | |
| High | |
| The One With The Racist Flag | |
| America's State | |
| Hardly Making A Difference | |
| | Subheading | U.S. State |
| In God We Blindly Trust | |
| Closed For Business | |
| No, Not That Georgia | |
| Demanding People Shove It Up Their A** Since 1832 | |
| Where Everyone's A Loser | |
| At Least It's Sunny | |
| So Over This Whole 'Statehood' Thing | |
| Country Roads, Take Me Anywhere Else | |
| Roughly The Size Of One Rhode Island | |
| May Cause Cancer | |
| L.L. Bean's Living Catalog | |
| Like 'Hee Haw', But A State | |
| Where Second Cousins Are First Wives | |
| On Both Wrong Sides Of The Track | |
| America's Low-Water Mark | |
| Learning To Sink | |
| Virginia Is For Racists | |
| Home Of The Famous Idaho Iron Ore | |
| The New York City State | |
| Mandatory Vacationland | |
| Clogged Artery Of The Heartland | |
| Wranglin' Them Some Gays | |
| Home Of The Grand Hole | |
| America's Road Block | |
| All Farmed Out | |
| In A Parade Right Now | |
| Drop And Give Me 20,000 | |
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