| Quote | Character |
|---|
| 'Science is whatever we want it to be.' | |
| 'We open on a lone soldier walking through the desert. The year 1861, the place... Mars.' | |
| 'Never go with a hippie to a second location.' | |
| 'And for the first time since the '86 World Series, I cried. I cried like a big dumb homo.' | |
| 'Help mommy's baby!' | |
| 'Drag is a way for Caucasians to immaculate you and make you seem non-threatening. We never would have stooped so low on Black Frasier.” | |
| 'Worldcom, man. Worldcom.' | |
| 'Is SpongeBob SquarePants supposed to be terrifying?' | |
| 'What's up, flabby butt? You look weird today.' | |
| 'It's just G now, Jack, I sold the E. To Samsung. They're Samesung now.' | |
| | Quote | Character |
|---|
| 'Hey nerds! Guess who's got 2 thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn't cried once today? This moi!' | |
| 'Tell him his mother's here. And she loves him. But not in a queer way.' | |
| 'Did he just talk to me like I'm ugly?' | |
| 'For realsies. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to see a doctor. I keep pooping during sex.' | |
| 'I can't read! I sign my name with an X! I once tried to make mashed potatoes with laundry detergent! I think I voted for Nader! Nader!!' | |
| 'Lemon, isn't there a Slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?' | |
| 'The reason I speak with a slight English inflection in my voice is because I lost my virginity to the My Fair Lady soundtrack.' | |
| 'Donuts and bed? What are you depressed about, or celebrating?' | |
| 'If the whole world moved to their favorite vacation spots, then the whole world would live in Hawaii and Italy and Cleveland.' | |
|
Seinfeld Characters 
Characters From 30 Rock 
Twilight Characters by Quote
