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'Kids, at age 12, I weighed 319 pounds. I had bad skin, low self-esteem, and no self-respect. Now, I eat success for breakfast, with skim milk.'
'Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.'
'I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody! '
'Before you pee, you lift the seat; after you pee, you put the seat back down. Females in tribe start war over this. Many deaths.'
'I worked hard to steal that money and you went and gave it to some zit faced little kid?'
'Is Tater Tot Mr. Potato Head's son? '
'The dope was whining about a suit case. What was I supposed to do? Shake his hand and say, 'Congratulations, you're an idiot'?'
'D'you know that my next door neighbor has three rabbits?'
'I admire that honesty, Natalie, that's a noble quality. Never lose that, because it often disappears with age, or entering politics. '
'We're goldfish people, we're antfarm people. We're not dog people. '
'Exhibit B: An eye patch I wore for a month after Mike beaned me with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me to a 3D film. I saw no third dimension.'
'Is that your sister out there in left field, naked? She's naked? '
'I've been MRI'd, EKG'd, X-Rayed, Laser beamed... '
'You can't marry a teacher, it's against the law. '
'Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! When I get home, I'm getting a CAT scan! '
'Son of a Brachiosaurus! '
'Unlimited technology from the whole universe, and we cruise 'round in a Ford P.O.S. '
'My name is Richie Cunningham, and this is my lovely wife, Oprah.'
'I mean, the girl's an institution in this place. Every girl wants to be her, and every guy wants to nail her. '
'I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed? '
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