| Summary | New Title | Original Title |
| 007 is being tortured by Communists, and therefore must reschedule his supper plans. | |
| Bond gets his ex-girlfriend killed when she helps him betray her ruthless industrialist husband, and swears that he will not reduce his caloric intake in the future. | |
| Bond takes on an assassin with a third nipple on his shiny potbelly. | |
| Bond is threatened with a laser to the crotch, and his hands are too arthritic to free himself. | |
| Bond battles with a terrorist who feels no pain in order to prevent further global warming. | |
| Bond escapes from a boobytrapped helicopter and decides to exclusively makes passes at girls who wear glasses. | |
| Bond takes on a former double-oh agent who is using satellite weapons that makes all clothes saffron-colored. | |
| Bond's wedding is interrupted by an important mission to deliver throat lozenges to Buckingham Palace. | |
| 007 pretends to be a smuggler and gets caught up in Vegas hijinks, eventually delivering his South African contraband to a Grammy-winning rapper. | |
| Bond goes to Jamaica to determine how an evil genius is using clog-dissolving chemicals to disrupt US missile tests. | |