| Roast | Team |
|---|
| Congrats on having the girliest team name in all of sports. Might as well have called yourselves the 'Princesses' or 'Unicorns' | |
| The movie Jurassic Park was pretty popular back in 1993. It's not that popular anymore though, so MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE NAMED YOUR TEAM AFTER IT BACK THEN | |
| Okay, so you had that one dominant player. Your franchise has done nothing before or after him. | |
| 'Well we really need a point guard, and these Chris Paul and Deron Williams guys look pretty good, but let's take a 7th PF instead' | |
| Your players are always trying to shoot eachother in the locker room, so how come they can't shoot at all on the court? | |
| Congratulations on getting a bunch of all-stars together who were too cowardly to try to win on their own! | |
| Wait, the NBA added a new team in 2004? Why didn't they tell anyone? | |
| The most delusional fanbase in all of sports. 2 titles in 60 years is nothing special, you're not a good franchise just because of your city | |
| | Roast | Team |
|---|
| Now that you have a new owner, the players better step it up, or they'll die in a 'mysterious boating accident' like his former business rivals in Moscow. | |
| Only made it past the first round once since the 80s? I'd sooner fear Bambi | |
| Your fans are so annoying that a player came into the stands in order to punch one. Also your team is boring, dirty, and heading into the toilet...just like your city | |
| Drafting as many white players as possible in order to appeal to your racist fanbase isn't a good strategy for winning games, Larry | |
| The best player you'll ever have just roasted your city and team on national TV, so I really have nothing else to add | |
| Only one title since the 60's? Maybe your players need more 'practice' | |
| Stop talking about the titles you won 60 years ago when there were only 6 teams. The Lakers have spanked you 10-4 since the 80's. | |
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MLB Teams 
NBA Teams 
4-Sport Cities
