| Quote | Character |
|---|
| 'Two weeks ago, I would’ve agreed that four men rehearsing a capella hip-hop in my living room was embarrassing.' | |
| 'There's no way I'm going back to juvie. There's no chicks and no kosher meal options up in that place.' | |
| 'The roads to the North Pole are getting treacherous. And remember, even the smallest envelope is heavy for an elf.' | |
| 'I came up with the best baby name of all time: Drizzle.' | |
| 'Just because I hate everybody doesn't mean they have to hate me too.' | |
| 'When I was little if I got all A's my dad would let me wash his car, so I'd get my little toothbrush out and I'd clean it all weekend long.' | |
| 'I am a powerful woman, and my growing feminism will cut you in half like a righteous blade of equality!' | |
| 'There's NOTHING ironic about show choir!' | |
| 'When my mom applied to college, she put being popular as her main extracurricular activity. And she got in to Arizona State.' | |
| 'I sound like someone put tap shoes on a horse and shot it.' | |
| 'I want to be like a Kardashian. I want a TV show, and a fragrance.' | |
| 'If I don't get enough sleep my anti-depressants won't work, and then I'll go crazy and I'll kill you.' | |
| 'Oh Bambi, I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy.' | |
| 'I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.' | |
| 'I don't think any one decision makes your life...unless you invent some sort of zombie virus or something.' | |
| 'I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. It's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office.' | |
| 'Early's late if you make tomorrow yesterday.' | |
| 'That's sweet. Your remember the masculine click of my designer boots.' | |
| 'I can't be co-captain. No time. Kwanza!' | |
| '(He has) really nice teeth. He's obviously invested in good oral hygiene and that's important to me; it shows wonderful self-esteem.' | |
| 'I need those parents happy! They found out we've been serving the children prison food.' | |
| '[Ramps] are what I call lazy-makers; they discourage able-bodied students from getting proper exercise by using the stairs.' | |
SNL Quotes 
Seinfeld Characters 
Movie Quotes III
