French Military History

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Can you name the wars from French history according to Albino Black Sheep?

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DescriptionWarYears Fought
Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Or at this time in history, a Roman.58 B.C. to 51 B.C.
Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: 'France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.'1337-1453
Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.1494-1559
France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots1569-1598
France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.1618-1648
Lost, but claimed as a tie. Loses all North American holdings.1754-1763
France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as 'de Gaulle Syndrome'1775-1783
DescriptionWarYears Fought
Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.1789-1799
Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.1803-1815
Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.1870-1871
On the way to losing, France is saved by the USA. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her 'Fraulein'1914-1918
Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.1939-1945
Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu1946-1954
Lost. Produces the 1st Rule of Muslim Warfare: 'We can always beat the French.' Rule is identical to the 1st Rules of the Italy, Russia, Germany, England, Spain, Vietnam, & Eskimos1954-1962

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Created Apr 18, 2011SourceReportNominate
Tags:France, funny, jokes, stereotype