| Description | War | Years Fought |
|---|
| Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Or at this time in history, a Roman. | |
| Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: 'France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.' | |
| Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. | |
| France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots | |
| France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. | |
| Lost, but claimed as a tie. Loses all North American holdings. | |
| France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as 'de Gaulle Syndrome' | |
| | Description | War | Years Fought |
|---|
| Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. | |
| Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. | |
| Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. | |
| On the way to losing, France is saved by the USA. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her 'Fraulein' | |
| Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. | |
| Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu | |
| Lost. Produces the 1st Rule of Muslim Warfare: 'We can always beat the French.' Rule is identical to the 1st Rules of the Italy, Russia, Germany, England, Spain, Vietnam, & Eskimos | |
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US Presidents
Ivy League
The USA Declares War!
