...you realize you need to cut off your own arm in order to survive
....you find out your husband talks to a hand puppet that speaks with a British accent
...you get your penis stuck to a frozen pole while tied to your best friend
...you barge in on your sister with a baseball bat while she's taking a shower because you think she's an intruder and end up seeing her completely naked
...your lesbian lover's brother accidentally tells you his sister cheated on you with a man and is now pregnant with his child
...you find out your owner is going to take you to college and leave all your friends at home in a box in the attic
...you have to explain to the cops why college kids are throwing themselves into your woodchipper
...you have to tell the sergeant how the bad guys stole your shoes and your Prius, forcing you to walk across New York in your socks
...your general manager walks in on you acting like a fool and dancing on a table in the locker room after a loss
...your beautiful boss tries to force you to have sex with her on top of a knocked out patient
...you see your friend's dog masturbating in your back seat
...you find out your mom was a giant slut back in the '80s
...you realize your best friend is screwing you over and forcing you out of the billion dollar company you helped build
...you have to tell the woman you're in love with that it was you who hit her with your car and caused her to lose her unborn child
...your son's experimental drug no longer works so your Alzheimer's has returned and you you can't seem to remember how to drive a car
...you're not sure anymore if you're going crazy or if you are who you thought you were and are being held against your will on a stormy island
...you catch your brother masturbating to a sex tape of you and your girlfriend who has Parkinson's
...you hear your best friend's wife having explosive diarrhea while you are trapped in said friend's body
...you find out your braindead wife who's in a coma was cheating on you for a long time and you had no idea
...you discover it was your selfish father who committed the crime for which you are being charged and has decided to make you the 'fall guy' so he doesn't have to go to prison
...you are going to hang for your son's crimes after all because the president's office is corrupt
...you and your sister first meet your sperm donor father who then sleeps with your lesbian mother
...you realize your pirate lover is stranding you on a tropical deserted island
...you realize the opposing campaign manager screwed you over in order to get you off of the campaign
...the most famous member of N'Sync sneezes whenever he ejaculates
...Helen Mirren tells you to 'wash you winky' in a Darth Vader voice
...your wife says she's married to another man and pretends to not know who you are after you are involved in a horrible car accident
...the super hot girl in your dorm who tries to seduce you ends up being an evil robot
...you question whether you're a man or a 'very manly' puppet
...you and the enemy have to determine who gets to keep the large animal you guys helped free from the barbed wire it was entangled in
...you keep dying over and over and over again until you figure out who the train bomber is
...you are given a 'period mix' by the guy who replaced Charlie Sheen
...you realize the guy you thought was so evil for the last seven years is actually a good guy who risked his life everyday because he is in love with your dead mother
...a dying alien who fell from space gives you an item that gives you superpowers
...you wake up trapped inside a box deep underground and have no idea why
...you have to speak in front of an entire country but can't because you have a speech impediment
...everyone thinks you're gay because you told everyone your clothes were thrown off after you were mugged in order to conceal the fact that you were dressed as a superhero
...you are forced to kill your nerdy best friend who has been turned into a vampire by your vampire neighbor who is trying to seduce and kill your mom
...your best friend tells you he has a rare form of cancer and has an equal chance of dying as he does living
...you find out your apple pear cobbler isn't as good as you and your husband think it is
...you find your teenage daughter's nudie pics that she plans on giving to your divorced friend
...your partner is interrogating a suspect by using famous movie lines
...you are stuck in the middle of two bank robberies that are happening at the same bank at the same time
...a capuchin monkey licks something that ends up being a gay Asian man's tiny penis
...you are forced to face your estranged brother in the championship round of an MMA tournament in order to win $5,000,000
...you and your friends fall into your own trap (a giant hole) and have to rely on your little pig friend to get you out
...you're not sure if you're in real life, in a dream, in a dream within a dream, or in a dream within a dream within a dream
...you are drunk and accidentally spill your best friend's donor's sperm in the sink so you have to fill it back up with your own instead
...you are told by the really cool girl of your dreams with the colorful hair that you must defeat her seven evil exes if you want to date her
...you find out that the drug-influenced lesbian sex you had with your rival dancer didn't actually happen after all
Baby Names: Then & Now (A-Z)
Harry Potter Patronus Party
Hogwarts Wizard Training
