The last time I was in the hospital was because of a ANUS infection that moved to my chest.

My grandma is crazy, she is trying to get me to go BUNGHOLE jumping with her.

Went to the doc, I have strep throat. He prescribed PENETRATION.

I just showed Marth what I got from CUSTODIANS Secret and she screamed.

It's not the Apple TV, it is the TV itself. I plugged in the HOMO but I can't find how to bring it up on the screen.

I feel bad because we really miss you, and not just your TUMMY rolls.

I just fed your dog about 6 CONDOMS.

I was getting GAY but then changed my diet and I'm good now.

Actions speak louder than WOMBATS.

I am dying to open my PARENTS.

My dog is being a total freak. He's hiding under my desk and panting. I swear he can sense TOMHANKS from like 200 miles away.

Did I tell you Dad and I are going on a cruise to the Bahamas in January? Royal CRAP RIBBONS.

I'm jamming to Katy. 'TRANSGENDER Dream.'

I feel sick. I think it was the CHILDREN I ate.

Click your heels 3 times and repeat after me: 'There's no PLACENTA like home.'

Make her lay down on the PORCUPINE.

Hey, did you see the size of my mom's fake BALLS?

My mom just bought a CASKET with flowers for my grandma.

Your mom and I are going to DIVORCE next month.

I've never seen a TOMATO in Alabama.

Well, I don't have school tomorrow, so WIENERS is fine.

Hi, driving home. Love you. Just RAPING Mom's.

You are WIDE material.

I'm so hungry, I could eat a CORPSE.

Make sure you feed the GODS.

Dad will be leaving the hospital sooner. Doctor said he did not have a heart attack. Diagnosed with MANGINA.

Omg, I love Crash HANDICAP! I used to play it all the time when I was little.

Ok. That works. Just text me before you get HERPES.

They don't call me Suzy SCROTUMLICKER for nothing.

Can you go to the store and buy me some COCK A DOODLE DOO?