| Quote | Comedian |
|---|
| I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. | |
| A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. | |
| I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality. | |
| I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. | |
| I had to stop drinkin', cuz I got tired of waking in my car driving ninety. | |
| When I was a little kid, we had a quicksand box. I was an only child … eventually. | |
| I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. | |
| I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. | |
| My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. | |
| Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? | |
| I’m not a good lover, but at least I’m fast. | |
| I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. | |
| The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. | |
| My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law. | |
| Please, if you ever see me getting beaten up by the police, please put your video camera down and help me. | |
| My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. | |
| When you're eight years old nothing is your business. | |
| The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. | |
| I am not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. | |
| You might be a redneck if...you've ever cut your grass and found a car. | |
Movie Quotes IV
Famous Last Words
Finish the Movie Quote III
