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Words Ron Swanson Knows
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Ron: Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a _________.
Chris: Together, as a town, we lost an amount of weight equal to 800 pregnant ________.
Ron: _________ do nothing for me... but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.
Leslie: You jumped into a creek for a _______? What would you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife?
Ron: The whole thing is a scam. _________ were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.
Leslie: Ann, you beautiful _____________.
Leslie: Ugh, I wonder who else was born in Eagleton. _________ probably.
Leslie: ________ are just pizza but they're harder to eat. They're dumb, and so was that idea.
Ron: There's only one thing I hate more than lying. _________.
Ron: I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle, America, megaphone, Monday, ________.
Andy: I made some vermin friends. You know what? Friends sounds stupid -- ___________. They're bad at sharing, but good at tag.
April: I want to make out with him and chew his _________ off.
Leslie: We need to remember what's important in life: Friends, _______, and work.
April: I swear on this _________ that I will never cook for you.
Leslie: I guess I'm kind of like queen of the ____!
Andy: By day: Andy Dwyer, shoe-shinest. By other time of day: Andy Radical, ______-tackler.
April: But at least I didn't make any new ___________.
Tom: The word '______' is classy as ****.
Tom: I have a _______ hat, I'm an interesting person!
April: [Doing an impression of her sister Natalie] I love _______ and have low self-esteem.
Leslie: I'm gonna go see a man about some porcelain, you know what I mean? I'm not buying cocaine. I'm going to the bathroom. The ____________, as I like to call it.
Leslie: Everyone should go around and say one thing that they love about Tom. Jerry: I'll start. I really wish I could have your ____.
Leslie: But you moved to South Carolina from where? Tom: My mother's ______.
Leslie: What I hear when I am being yelled at is people ______ loudly at me.
Ann: What is your ideal man? Leslie: He has the brains of George Clooney in the body of _________
Ron: I just want to get the work over as soon as possible so I can do some fishing. Fishing relaxes me. It's like ____, except I still get to kill something.
Ann: [reading an entry of Leslie's dream journal.] “I married ___ and we’re pretty happy.” That sounds nice.
Tom: Alright, I got one. What do Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and Drake all have in common? Jerry: Oh, I know this one. They’re all ________.
Ben: Is she going to powder her ______?
Ken Hotate: There are two things I know about white people: they love ___________ and they are terrified of curses.
Ben: Are you eating turkey chili off of a _______?
Andy: Leslie, I tried to make _____ in the coffee pot and I broke everything.
Ron: Every time she laughs, an angel dies. Even telemarketers avoid her. Her birth was payback for the sins of man. But you know the worst thing about her? She works for the ______
Ron: I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single __________ in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.
Tom: You can fly to Brazil, just never enter the ____. Am I right? Up top!
Ron: Here’s April and Andy’s: A hammer, a half eaten pretzel, a baseball card, some cartridge that says Sonic and Hedgehog, a scissor half, a flashlight filled with __________.
April: 'Any woman caught laughing is a _____.' That's true.
Donna: This snake juice is basically __________. Everybody's wasted.
Tom: I want to take that _______ and do terrible things to it.
Tom: I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food _____.’
Tom: I’m like an _________, OK? If I walk into a room, it’s like, OK, he’s in there.
Tom: I have a couple of ‘doing caps’ in my wallet. That’s what I call _______.
Donna: Where can I get ____ that is healthy?
Donna: This spaceship keyboard is driving me crazy! I'm down to one word a minute, and the word is '_____________' because I can't fly spaceships!
Chris: Oh my god. Your inbox is literally filled with _______. I'm so sorry.
Ann: I love her so much, but I think I'm going to draw a ________ on her face.
Tom: I am from Bennettsville, South Carolina. So I am what you might call a _______.
Jean-Ralphio: R to the O to the N-N-N. I say Swanson's got swagger the size of Big Ben _____.
Chris: If I had to have anybody tell me that I have ______, I would want it to be me.
Leslie: If you call everyone a butthead, it kind of loses its impact. But I can say without hesitation that Tom is being a real ____.
Jean-Ralphio: I hope you brought a change of clothes, because your eyes are about to piss _____.
Jean-Ralphio: [singing] I made old-fashioned way. I got run over by a ______.
Donna: Andy will never be the new Jerry. Nothing embarrasses him. He is like a giant _____ with no shame.
Chris: I relish your wit. Ann: I _____ your face.
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Created Aug 31, 2013 in
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